Children's hysterics and whims. Consultation for parents "children's tantrums and whims" consultation on the topic. How to understand that a child has grown up

Children's whims are messages from a child. Messages from a little personality to the people around her, to the world.

Why are children capricious?

• Children's moodiness can be chronic or just a beginning somatic disease. If a child is experiencing physical pain, if he is stuffy, hot, nauseous, or has chills, he may not be able to say it in words, but he will demonstrate the discomfort he is experiencing in the form of behavioral changes
• The most common types of disorders in the upbringing of preschool children are hyperprotective (permissive) and hypoprotective (prohibitive). Particularly disastrous for a child’s balance is the combination of both disorders (for example, parents raise them in strictness, but their grandmother allows absolutely everything)
• Sometimes a child’s whims are a symptom of intrafamily disharmony

It’s just that the mental energy that should rightfully belong to him is spent by adults on sorting out relationships among themselves or, conversely, on maintaining a “good face on a bad game.”

What should parents do?

• Clearly tell your child exactly how you understood him and what you are going to do about it
• Teach your child to express his feelings with words, not whims. There is only one way for this - parents themselves must talk about their feelings in the presence of the child.
• To prevent children's whims and combat already developed emotional instability, a unified educational position of all family members involved in caring for the child is of great importance.

Children's tantrums

Children aged one and a half to four years old often throw real tantrums. They throw things, throw themselves on the floor, squeal, flail their arms and legs, and sometimes even choke. Hysterics can occur for various reasons. Very often this happens when someone refuses to fulfill the child’s wishes or forces the child to do something that he does not like. Often the cause of a breakdown is also fatigue, nervous overexcitation or hunger. Short-term whims bring more benefit to children than harm. They allow kids to get rid of nervous tension, relieve stress, and give vent to negative emotions. Frequent hysterics negatively affect the developing character of a child - he becomes overly aggressive, selfish, and intolerant of people. In addition, they make life unbearable for parents.

Children do not know how to control their emotions because they cannot give an accurate definition of their experiences. If the baby is aware of what exactly he is experiencing at the moment (anger, rage, irritation, disappointment, etc.), it will be much easier for you to calm him down. Express your child's feelings with words like, "You must have really wanted ice cream and now you're angry because you didn't get it." After that, explain to him that expressing your emotions openly is not always acceptable: “I understand you, but that doesn’t mean you can squeal and stomp your feet in the street.” And be sure to warn your child about the consequences of his bad behavior.

An effective way to stop a tantrum is a five-minute time-out. Place the child on a chair near the wall and make sure that there is nothing interesting in the child’s field of vision. And be sure to remove all dangerous items. Don't talk to your child and try to ignore his cries. As the rich experience of parents and educators who have successfully practiced this method shows, after about five minutes children calm down. After this happens, explain to the child that he behaved very ugly and should not do that in the future. Offer your child the option of behavior that seems more correct to you.

Another way to calm a screaming child is to join in with him. Start “crying” with your baby and gradually change the tone, moving from screaming and roaring to whimpering and sniffling. The effect of such “choral singing” is based on children’s tendency to imitate. By unknowingly imitating you, the baby will calm down.

Many kids have the nasty habit of banging their heads against the wall or floor, trying in this way to force adults to fulfill their desire. Such behavior is most often pure pretense and provocation, and therefore you should not pay attention to it. Even the smallest child has a sufficiently developed instinct of self-preservation, so there is no need to fear that the child will harm himself by such actions. The best way to wean your child from this habit is to ignore his antics.

After the tantrum is over, let your child feel how much his behavior upset you. Let your child realize that your patience has limits. And at the same time, he should understand how happy you are that he finally managed to control his emotions.

Childish disobedience

What to do if the child does not listen?

To answer this question, you need to determine the reasons for his disobedience. Why is he acting this way? Why does it make us parents feel very unpleasant feelings?

How to help a disobedient child (and yourself)?

The most general answer to the question is not to react in the usual, stereotypical way, as a vicious circle is formed. The more the adult is dissatisfied, the more the child is convinced that his efforts have achieved the goal - and resumes them with new energy.

Options for constructive behavior of an adult in different situations of disobedience:

• If there is a struggle for attention, you need to give the child this positive attention. Come up with some joint activities - games, walks
• If the source of conflict is the struggle for self-affirmation, then, on the contrary, you should reduce your involvement in the child’s affairs. It is very important for him to accumulate experience of his own decisions and even failures. What will most help you get rid of unnecessary pressure and dictate is the understanding that a child’s stubbornness and self-will is just a form of plea that irritates you: “Let me live by my own mind.”
• When you feel offended, you need to ask yourself: what made the child inflict it on you? What kind of pain does he have? How have you offended or are you constantly offending him? Having understood the reason, we must, of course, try to correct it

As in any other matter, you should not expect an immediate improvement in behavior from your child. In addition, it is important to know that the first time you try to change something, your child may escalate his bad behavior! Perhaps he will not immediately believe in the sincerity of your intentions and will test you.

One of the main reasons why parents rush to sign up their child for a consultation with a psychotherapist is children's hysterics. The moment when the baby screams, chokes on tears and cannot calm down, instills fear in moms and dads, makes them nervous and worry about his health. Knowledge about what hysteria is in a child, what the main reasons for such behavior are, and how parents should behave correctly in this stressful situation will help raise a person with a strong psyche.

The nature of childhood hysteria

Such a common phenomenon as hysteria in children is caused by the fact that children, being in a stressful situation for them, cannot cope with their negative emotions, express their indignation in this way and get rid of accumulated nervous tension. Loud screaming, tears, kicking and pushing people standing nearby, rolling on the floor - a state in which the baby does not want to listen and understand what adults are telling him. Any attempts by relatives to reason with the child cause even greater aggression and irritation on his part. Hysteria is a consequence of the fact that the child does not agree with the parents and is trying to get his way through manipulation.

Psychologists identify the following typical situations when a child cries and begins to become hysterical:

1. Attracts parents' attention.
2. Does not know how to verbally express his desires or dissatisfaction.
3. He has an easily excitable and unstable psyche.
4. Has pathologies in mental development.
5. Experiencing problems with the nervous system.
6. Suffers from infectious and chronic diseases.
7. Feels overtired.

When a baby becomes hysterical and capricious, many parents do not know what to do and how to behave correctly so that such behavior does not become the norm. How they act in this situation will determine whether the child will stop being capricious and picky, or whether this pattern of behavior will continue into adolescence: as a schoolchild, he begins to tantrum if something does not suit him.

It is important to be able to distinguish between two concepts: children's hysteria and whim. When capricious, the baby deliberately resorts to tears and screams in order to force his parents to do what he needs. The baby throws things, cries loudly, stomps and demands that his wishes be fulfilled. For example, in cold weather he does not want to wear a warm jacket or demands to buy a toy. Having succumbed to hysteria, a child cannot cope with his negative emotions on his own, begins to cry, may bang his head against the wall and even fight with others. Hysterical attacks often end in convulsions, nausea and vomiting.

Causes of tantrums in children

If a child is hysterical, you should understand what caused this condition. There are several main factors that can affect a baby's mood.

1. Stress situation. Often hysterical fits in young children occur as a result of overwork, hunger or lack of sleep. If the baby is tired, any reason is enough to make him upset. Tantrums in a 3-year-old child can occur quite often if you do not follow his daily routine. Under the influence of stress, the baby ceases to respond adequately even to the most ordinary everyday situations, causing a scandal for any reason. Recognizing overvoltage is not difficult. Negative emotions coincide with a similar mood of parents who do not have the strength to show patience and understanding. Moms and dads begin to get irritated, not wanting to give in and demanding to do as they say. Such behavior will only aggravate the situation, and the conflict will worsen, which can cause a hysterical attack in your beloved child. The best way out of the situation is to show love and understanding towards the baby.
2. The desire to free yourself from outside influence. Children's whims and hysterics can be the result of improper upbringing. An overly strict attitude from adults, constant reference to authority, an attempt to raise a genius without taking into account the child’s character traits can lead to hysterical children growing up in your family. Suffering from parental pressure, upon reaching a certain age (7 years old), boys and girls will begin to make attempts to protect their inner independence. Such upbringing will lead to the fact that the child in adulthood will try to get rid of all kinds of complexes, internal pressures and destructive attitudes.
3. Nervous overstrain. One of the main reasons for tantrums is that the child has experienced too many emotions. This is easy to understand. The capricious behavior was preceded by some kind of holiday, meeting or game with friends, as a result the baby became overexcited and tired from the influx of various emotions. In this way he tries to get rid of excess tension and let off steam.
4. Desire for physical contact. Tantrums, especially in a newborn baby, can be caused by a lack of tactile sensations. The baby needs mom and dad to touch him, stroke him, give him a massage, stroke his back, hold his hand. If parents are stingy with affection, a hysterical individual may grow up.
5. Method of manipulation. In this case, through hysterics, the child wants to get what he wants from his parents. This form of behavior can cause serious harm to the baby’s psyche, provoking antisocial behavior and nervous breakdown. This can lead to a hysterical child growing up in the family. Signs of manipulation hysteria are loud, demonstrative crying, accompanied by various ultimatum demands.

Regardless of the cause, the symptoms of hysteria in children are always the same. This is crying, screaming, rolling on the floor, waving arms and legs, unwillingness to talk to others, ignoring any attempts to encourage normal behavior. Please note that hysteria has age-specific characteristics, i.e. children will show their dissatisfaction in a completely different way.

Scandals at 2 years old

The first tantrums in children occur at an early age. Babies begin to be capricious in the first 2 months of life due to an unstable psyche. Hysteria in a baby at both 3 months and 6 months is caused by primary needs (for food, rest, care and comfort). In a 1-year-old child, the whims become systematic. Over time, the child begins to understand that he can manipulate his family, and this is how the child’s 2-year-old crisis begins.

At this age, children already know the meaning of forbidden words (“No!”, “You can’t!”, “I don’t allow!”) and use hysterics as a way of protest. Bad behavior is caused by the fact that at this age the baby cannot yet clearly express his emotions and experiences using coherent phrases. Constant tantrums in a 2-year-old child arise as a result of various demands being presented: “Buy it!” and want!". When faced with such a situation, parents are frightened by such a violent and public display of emotions, so they either immediately give in to the child or begin to scold him.

Psychologists recommend that parents maintain character and not immediately rush to fulfill the child’s demands, otherwise this can lead to hysterical behavior becoming a kind of stereotype that the child will resort to every time he wants to get something from his parents. A 2-year-old child's tantrum will not last long if you remain calm and patient. Hug your baby and tell him you love him. If he breaks free and runs away, there is no need to hold him by force. During a hysteria, you should not scold children or scare them that you will abandon them or give them to strangers. Don't use corporal punishment to force your child to calm down and behave.

If a child aged 2 years is constantly hysterical in public places, you should not give in to him. Do not pay attention to the sidelong glances of passers-by and the advice of well-wishers; remember that at this moment your baby needs you to show increased care.

When he calms down, try to talk to him calmly and understand the reasons for his upset.

At this age, children begin to show their character, striving for independence. At three years old, the child recognizes himself as a separate person, surrounded by many people. Kids show stubbornness, tenacity and persistence, not wanting to do what they are told. A 3-year-old child’s tantrums begin with the phrases: “I don’t want to!”, “I won’t!”, “No!” Parents must understand that they cannot break their child by forcing him to follow their orders. You shouldn’t encourage such behavior either, otherwise it can lead to permissiveness.

The best way to overcome hysteria is to divert attention to something else. If you are at home, you can offer to watch TV, play, or eat something tasty. If your baby still continues to scream and cry, leave him alone and mind your own business. It is better to talk and find out the reason for what happened after your child has completely calmed down. If children have hysterical fits in public places, try to ensure that there are no spectators for the performance. Then the child will calm down much faster and will not try his best to impress passers-by.

Manifestations at 4 years

If a child throws tantrums at 4 years old, this is a consequence of improper upbringing. You allow your baby a lot, and he is not familiar with words such as: “You can’t!” and “No!” Wanting to achieve their goal, children at this age show ingenuity: after their mother’s ban, they seek support from their father or grandmother, knowing that they will definitely receive permission from them, so it is very important that parents and other relatives adhere to the same line of raising a four-year-old child . A way out of the situation may be to draw up a list indicating what can and cannot be allowed.

Constant whims can cause the development of hysterical neurosis in children. Pay special attention to your baby if, during a hysteria, he experiences attacks of suffocation and loss of consciousness, and aggressive behavior abruptly gives way to apathy and lethargy. In this case, you should definitely seek medical advice.

The causes of hysterics in a 4-year-old child may be hidden in problems in family relationships. Such an acute reaction of the baby is a consequence of squabbles between parents, alcoholism and endless public quarrels. Frequent tantrums in a 5-year-old child are often caused by the same thing. Try to build a trusting relationship with your baby so that he does not have the desire to hide something from you. This will help to understand the true motives of children's actions.

Scenes at 6–7 years old

Hysteria in children at this age is a common occurrence. Children's tantrums at 6 years old occur because the baby becomes an adult. He communicates with other children, builds his own relationships in the team, and develops as a person. At this age, a child experiences mood swings and often throws a tantrum in order to insist on his own and prove that he is already an adult. Please note that school-age children (7 years and older) are more excitable, they worry about grades, relationships in class, their own status and popularity.

Often, a teenager’s hysteria is a consequence of the fact that the child has no friends, and he strives to attract the attention of his parents. Even if mom and dad react negatively to his behavior, the child will still get the attention he desperately needs.

Carefully study the advice of a psychologist on how you can stop hysterics at the age of seven.

1. Showing indifference. This model of behavior can be applied if the hysteria occurred in a public place. By ignoring your child’s capricious behavior, you will achieve a positive result faster than by trying to find out what upset him. This strategy will help convey to the child that he will not be able to control and manipulate you.
2. Understanding the motives and experiences of children. To prevent tantrums from becoming the norm in a 7-year-old child, have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Give the opportunity to express secret thoughts and experiences, do not forget to talk about your own feelings. It is recommended to do this so that the child understands that such behavior upsets loved ones.
3. Without refusing requests. Don't be too strict about raising your child. There is no need to forbid him everything in the world, trying to protect him from troubles. If you are very worried about the safety of your baby, first find out what he wants, it is completely safe.
4. Having found a compromise. It is much easier to come to an agreement with a child who is 7–9 years old than with an unintelligent baby. At this age, children understand a lot, so do not hesitate to talk with them about your experiences and worries, the reasons that lead to the fact that you are forced to refuse their request.

Conclusion

If a child often becomes hysterical for no apparent reason, and any attempts to find a common language with him do not produce any results, seek advice from a child psychotherapist who, using various techniques, will be able to determine the reasons for this behavior. Psychological help is needed not only for the baby, but also for you: an unstable atmosphere in the family, bad relationships between parents provoke children's hysteria.

Workshop for parents “How to understand children's whims and hysterics?

And help yourself and your child cope with them"

Target: Training parents on ways to overcome children's whims, rules of behavior during children's hysteria.
Tasks:
1. Expand knowledge about children’s whims and hysterics, help parents determine the causes of whims and hysterics in children.
2. To develop in parents the ability to prevent and overcome them.
3. Develop communication skills between parents and children.
Equipment used:
Name badges for all parents, white sheets, felt-tip pens or pencils, cards with practical situations (6 pcs.), reminders for each parent, literature lists for each parent.

Progress of the workshop

The psychologist welcomes all parents.
Each parent has a name tag. Everyone sits in a circle.

Game "Stand up those who...".
All participants sit in a circle. The psychologist addresses the participants: “I want to invite you to start the meeting with a game that will show us how, despite all the differences and dissimilarities, we, parents, face similar problems, worry about similar things, dream of the same results of upbringing. They play it like this: I will start, standing in a circle, with some kind of statement that relates personally to your parenting experience. Everyone who agrees with this statement should stand up and change places. The one who is left without a place continues the game. Examples of statements:
Stand up:
- who reads to children before bedtime,
- who likes to play with children,
-who reads books, articles on the upbringing and development of children,
-who often encounters the stubbornness and whims of a child, etc.

We are all very different, but we are united by children and the problems associated with raising them. The topic of our meeting is “How to understand children's whims and hysterics? And help yourself and your child cope with them"
Exercise “How do I feel when my child is capricious or throwing tantrums...”
Passing the ball, each participant tells how he feels when his child is naughty. The story begins with the words: “When my child is naughty, I feel...”
The exercise allows parents, on the one hand, to express their negative emotions, and on the other hand, to analyze their feelings before, during and after the hysteria.

Lecture "Children's whims and hysterics."
Let's talk today about what a child's whim and hysteria are and what we adults should do if we find ourselves in a similar situation. Every adult sometimes encounters a child's hysteria, everyone remembers what kind of load (psychological and physiological) they are accompanied by. In such a situation, when strangers are looking at you, it is easy to get confused or lose your temper. Almost all children behave the same way in such situations. But adults are different. How to find the right way out of such an awkward situation?
Caprice (Wikipedia) - an unfounded desire, quirk, whim; an unreasonable or unreasonable demand for something. Parents call the signs of whim “Symptoms” of whim: crying, screaming, stomping, throwing away toys and objects that come to hand.
Whims can also be without cause. This happens not only because many of these children cannot yet explain themselves using words, but also because they themselves cannot understand and generalize their experiences and emotions.
A child's hysteria can also be accompanied by seizures: wild roars and screams, rolling on the floor, and even convulsive arching. Often, hysteria intensifies with increased attention from others, and goes away as soon as this attention disappears. If a child is healthy, then he does not exhibit unmotivated negative behavior.

Here are some useful tips:
1. Remember that even the most wonderful mothers find themselves in such situations and it’s not about the mother, but about the temperament and character of your child. Think about the reason for your child's tantrum:
- the child lacks your attention and thus tries to win it (this habit is very quickly consolidated and is often used in adult life);
- the child is manipulating you, let the child understand that you do not approve of his actions;
- the child is tired, wants to sleep, he is hungry: eradicate the cause and the hysteria will go away.
2. If the hysteria is in full swing, seize the moment when the child takes a breath to fill the surroundings with new screams, and very expressively and excitingly begin to tell some interesting story.
3. You can try to take the child in your arms and hug, waiting for everything to end, expressing your love and sympathy, preferably in one frequently repeated phrase.
Team game “How we deal with whims”
Instructions. Parents are divided into two teams and receive cards describing the situation. A representative from the team reads out the contents of the card. The opponents must give a comment within 2 minutes and suggest a way to influence the child.

Material for the exercise. Cards with stories.
1. On Sunday, my son (4 years old) made the most outrageous scene for me in the store. We came shopping with him, and he clung to the fire engine and kept repeating: “Buy it for me, buy it!” I persuade him, he bursts into tears, and then screams. I was just stunned. So she dragged the child home screaming.
2. Vanya is 4 years old. Every day we go to the same playground. He really likes to play with children, swing on swings, climb on a toy ship, and ride down a slide. But when the time comes to leave, the same story repeats itself: he doesn’t want to return home and makes a public appearance... I almost always carry away a screaming and thrashing child in my arms.
3. There are two steps from home to kindergarten, but every time my daughter (3 years old) demands to be taken on a sled. Screams, cries. And the road is like porridge - it will take ten sweats to get there. And she should already be able to walk.
4. Misha (4 years old) leaves kindergarten, and it feels like
he is looking for a reason, something to complain about, something to throw a whim about.
Of course, it all ends in hysterics: we take him home, he’s not allowed to undress, he screams. What to do?
5. We dress according to our whims every time. First, I wait quietly while my daughter (4 years old) runs around the locker room. Then I can’t stand it and force him to get dressed. He starts screaming and struggling. As a result, the mood of both me and her was spoiled.
6. Every time Masha (4 years old) and I leave kindergarten and approach the store, she starts a conversation: “Mom, I want a chocolate bar. Buy me a chocolate." To all the admonitions that we will have dinner, but you can’t eat chocolate before dinner, otherwise you’ll ruin your stomach, she doesn’t react and only repeats her opinion. As a result, she just stops at the store and when I try to take her away, she throws a tantrum. You have to go in and buy a chocolate bar, otherwise you won’t calm down.
Parting.

Issues for discussion:
1. Was the meeting useful for you?
2.What new did you learn?
3.What situations did you see from a different angle?
4.What methods, methods, recommendations did you like?
5.What doubts did you raise? Why?
6.What other problems, situations in relationships with children would you like to discuss at future meetings?
The psychologist says goodbye and distributes reminders and literature lists to each parent.
Recommendations “Books about children’s whims”
Prepare a list of literature that will help parents find ways and techniques to communicate with a capricious child. Invite them to create a book together about whims, in which they will collect their methods, tips and tricks.

Bibliography
R. Khazieva “Children’s whims. A practical guide for parents of naughty children." How to get a child to comply with an adult’s demands without suppressing the child’s self-esteem and maintaining a trusting, respectful relationship? The answers to this and other important questions are on the pages of the book.
E. Korneeva “Children’s whims. What is it and how to deal with it.” What to do when a child screams, resists, chokes on tears, and those around him look at the hapless parent with condemnation? Follow the baby's lead and stop the roaring? So he is just waiting for this. Spank him properly so that he knows who is really in charge here? It's a pity. This and other situations are discussed in the book.
3. Nekrasova, N. Nekrasova “What to do if... You are tired of conflicts, whims and childhood harms.” This book is a workshop for parents, a hint, a cheat sheet for every day. It contains funny, serious and very effective advice: what to do if the child does not want to eat; breaks toys; whines, is capricious and (or) screams; demands “I want!” and “buy!”; doesn't want to go home, etc.
I. Turin, M. Shkurina, T. Kholkina “Tales from whims.” The book contains special psychological tales for all occasions. A child refuses to eat, go to bed, put away toys, fights, does not want to go to kindergarten, etc. - read one of the fairy tales to him and you will see how his behavior will change.
M. Wulff “Psychology of children’s whims.” A book by an outstanding Russian psychoanalyst. The author explores the problem of reality and fantasy in the child's psyche, analyzes children's fairy tales, gives them a psychoanalytic interpretation, and explains the nature of children's whims and irritation.
M. Denis “Whims and hysterics. How to deal with childhood anger." The book will help you understand why a child is capricious and find the right course of action when the emotional swing is swinging too much. It contains a lot of useful advice, tips and effective solutions, for example: how to behave when emotions overwhelm not only the child, but also the parents; how to teach your son or daughter to manage negative emotions, etc.

Memo. What not to do before, during and after a tantrum:
Give in excessively.
If you allow your child everything, fulfill all his demands - “as long as he doesn’t cry,” then his permissiveness and spoiled behavior will arise, and hence all the ensuing consequences in the form of hysterics. Many mothers prefer to give in in this hassle so that the baby will shut up. And children - they are very practical by nature, and, having trodden such a short path to what they want, they will use it more than once, because this is the path of least resistance. Young children have very abstract understandings of what is good and what is bad - “it works, so I’ll use it,” the baby thinks.

Physically punish.
Physical punishment and angry shouts in such an emergency situation can only add fuel to the fire. Each parent decides for himself whether or not to use physical punishment in the family, but when making this decision, you need to keep a few points in mind:
- Depending on their temperament, children who were physically abused in childhood usually become downtrodden, afraid of everything, anxious, or aggressive and embittered.
- Over time, children get used to physical influences just like they get used to screaming or standing in a corner - and they simply stop working.
- A child is brought up through imitation of a parent, and if the parent uses force in solving problems, then the child easily adopts this experience of influencing others.

Shout at the child, order in an imperative mood.
There is such a beautiful principle - all the most important things should be told to the child in a whisper (or quietly humming). Works.
Screaming, like violence, also creates a backlash. Keep yourself in control, show calm, and you will set a positive example.
And, not only during a hysteria, but also in other situations, shouting and an orderly tone in raising a child are not appropriate - be on an equal footing with the child. Remember that it’s easy to yell at a child, but EXPLAIN to him what he is wrong about and what his fault is, so that he really understands - that’s where the whole art lies.
Yes, this method does not bring a quick solution to problems,
takes a lot of time, it requires your parental care and love.