How to teach a child to stand up for himself and defend himself in kindergarten or school: is it necessary to “fight back” - advice from a psychologist. How to teach a child to give back: Personal experience What to do when a child does not give back

01.05.2024 -

Some parents worry about the child’s constant aggression towards others, but it often happens that the baby’s excessive (in the mother’s opinion) peacefulness becomes a cause for concern. It manifests itself in the inability to defend one’s toys on the playground and unwillingness to fight back. Fathers also don’t know how to teach a child to stand up for himself: “Life is very cruel, you need to be able to defend yourself,” “In battle, the strongest wins, and the weaklings remain out of work.” Parents are afraid for their baby, realizing that they will not be able to be there all the time. This is why most adults want their child to be able to stand up for himself. Trying to cultivate “willpower” and “courage,” adults can make a mess of pedagogical problems; to prevent this from happening, you need to adhere to certain rules.

Very often, conflicts arise between children, which, according to some parents, can cause physical harm to the child. Should a child respond to aggressive behavior of peers with a fight?

What should you not do?

Exaggerate

When trying to understand the conflict, it is necessary to distinguish between your attitude to the situation and how the child perceives the current state of affairs. Ask your son or daughter: are they really being offended and oppressed? Maybe these are your old grievances, raised from the depths of childhood, and now attributed to the baby? This is often the case.

Sometimes parents greatly exaggerate the offense inflicted on their child. Out of a trifle, a whole tragedy plays out, inflating children's pride. It is very difficult for a person with hypertrophied sensitivity to establish his relationships with society. Such people have no friends. They try to find a catch in everything, get angry and offended by any inaccurate phrases spoken to them.

Passing on complexes to a child

Regular statements that the child is being suppressed gradually instills an inferiority complex in the son or daughter. By focusing on trivial grievances, parents teach their children the unpleasant word “humiliation.” They often shout about the insults and humiliation of mom and dad, who in childhood themselves were unable to give a worthy rebuff to their rivals. Clarify the situation, perhaps no one is humiliating the baby, but they are simply making a reasonable remark to him.

Pressure on the child, the child’s conviction that the world is cruel, that one must fight back, makes the child withdrawn and unsure of his abilities and in this world

Frighten with a difficult future

There is no need to instill in a child the fear of “universal cruelty”; Constantly hearing such statements, the child will clearly understand that “the world is big and difficult,” but he is small and will not be able to withstand the enemy’s camp. Such thoughts give rise to fear and uncertainty in some children, and in others - aggression, within which the same fear is hidden. Fears paralyze the baby, preventing him from developing normally.

For the full development of personality, a child needs to believe that the world is good. Yes, evil people and unpleasant situations do occur, but this is the exception rather than the rule. There are many joyful and bright experiences in life. The baby’s attention needs to be focused on them.

Eliminate the words “weakling” and “sob”

Such epithets are rare, but are found among some dads as a reaction to their son’s weakness. Children of such fathers suffer even more. Firstly, conflict situations are unpleasant for them, and secondly, kids are afraid of upsetting their parents and receiving a dose of displeasure. Children shrink into themselves, preferring to hide problems and grievances, and stop trusting their parents. This guarantees even greater difficulties, because by losing the support of adults, children become completely defenseless.

For many children, dad is an authority figure. But if the father expresses obvious dissatisfaction with his son and points out his weakness, then the child in this case receives great psychological trauma. At the same time, the relationship with the parent can no longer be called trusting.

Build up anger

Explain to your child that there is no need to accumulate negativity, resentment and anger in the soul - this is destructive for the fragile child’s psyche. Teach your child to express his feelings, be sure to morally support him and give good advice. It is important that the baby trusts you completely and is confident in your support. To communicate with your child, you can use some advice from a psychologist.

What needs to be done?

Provide child protection

It is imperative to protect the baby. Naturally, you should know moderation in everything. There is no point in starting public squabbles and scandals over a trivial matter, but adults simply do not have the right to leave children alone with obvious aggressors. The child, feeling the unconditional support from his parents, will gather his courage and eventually deal with the offenders on his own. Until this time, adults must provide the baby with reliable protection.

Remove from traumatic environment

If a child is reluctant to go to kindergarten because he is regularly bullied there, then you should definitely talk to the teachers. Teachers and administration in the kindergarten are responsible for the health and mental well-being of their students. The responsibilities of educators include creating a friendly environment in the group; teachers must calm down brawlers and stop bullies. If problems continue, you may need to transfer your baby to another group.

If conflicts arise in the garden, you must contact the teacher. After all, their job is to look after the children. If this does not help, an option may be to transfer the child to another group.

Eliminate provocations

Changing schools or kindergarten groups is a great way to get rid of annoying bullies, but sometimes it happens that a child in any group becomes a victim of brawlers and aggressors. In this case, it is worth taking a closer look at the child - perhaps he himself provokes a fight. Usually the team does not accept bullies and sneaks - children who bully themselves and then immediately run to complain. Children's company is sometimes a cruel and ruthless society. Those who are unable to fit into it are expelled for a long time, and even forever, so it is necessary for the student to learn not methods of defense, but the ability to get along with people, not to be offended or sarcastic, but to be polite and friendly.

Problem solving in preschool

Children under one year of age often play alone. The first need to communicate with peers appears only at the age of one and a half years. At this age, children's interest in children of the same age increases; children make their first attempts to play together in a common sandbox. Children learn to play fully together by the age of 2-3 years. It is difficult to keep children of primary preschool age busy with anything for a long time. In the game they constantly take something from each other. You shouldn’t interfere, perhaps this is just an exchange, and children study each other this way before becoming friends.

When kids have a problem while playing, adults often tell them to figure it out themselves or recommend fighting back. These phrases are incomprehensible to three-year-olds, and the kids simply don’t know how to behave. The task of parents is to tell their child how to defend themselves and get out of conflict situations with dignity.

Starting from the age of three, children begin to communicate with peers, and small conflicts may arise. Already from this period, parents should have conversations with kids to teach them how to behave with other children

Don’t be upset when your baby calmly gives away all the toys to other children on demand, or doesn’t respond to the aggressor. Most often, this happens because the baby develops in a prosperous and friendly family. The attacks of his peers simply amaze him, not irritate him.
Do not forget that two-year-olds are completely incapable of dealing with conflicts on their own. Stay close to your baby so that he feels safe. Observe the play and intervene if you sense the child's obvious discomfort.
Try to bring friendly kids together for a fun game. After a while, the bullies will also join the players, so as not to be left out of the interesting event.
Teach your children to show that some actions of others are unpleasant to him. If someone else’s child bullies your baby and shows constant aggression, then say loudly: “It’s not customary for us to fight or push. It's very ugly. Nobody plays with brawlers." These words will be enough to calm down the little aggressor.
Do not allow children to harm each other with words or actions. Keep a close eye on the sandbox, distract the children if necessary, and move the game into a safe direction. The task of adults is to teach children flexibility and rules of behavior in society.
If all the ways to deal with the little aggressor have been exhausted (distracted, explained, warned), but he still doesn’t lag behind, you can decide on an extreme measure - invite your child to pinch the offender’s side. This will not cause serious moral or physical damage, but it will show that there is a counteraction to any force, and your child is able to stand up for himself. It should be explained that pinching is only possible in the most serious cases, when other means have not brought results.

Teach your child to resolve conflicts with words, while supporting him morally so that the child feels protected

How to resolve conflicts at school?

By school, children develop a serious need for a positive assessment of their actions by adults. The child develops a sense of conscience as a reaction to violation of established rules and prohibitions. At this age, a sense of responsibility and duty is developed, new fears arise - being unrecognized, uninteresting, not meeting the requirements of society.

The child develops a clear theory of what it means to be good; he understands perfectly well what is included in this concept. Seven-year-old children are especially susceptible to suggestion.

Why doesn't a child know how to defend himself?

Psychologists answer this question as follows:

Adults instilled in them that fighting is bad, thereby forming in the preschooler the idea that good children do not get involved in fights, even if they are bullied.
The child does not respond to the bully not because he is scared, but because a fight is not the best solution to the conflict.
The child has no experience communicating with peers. Most often these are children who did not go to kindergarten. Such children are not afraid of teachers at school and know how to communicate with adults, using the example of their mother, grandmother, and nanny. The child did not learn to negotiate with peers, because troubles were always prevented and stopped by the parents.

Adjusting family education methods

The inability to stand up for oneself is often dictated by the characteristics of upbringing in the family:

Parents resolve issues without conflict, or “behind closed doors,” not allowing the child to observe how relatives display their defensive reactions. In fact, children learn most reactions from their parents, other adults, sometimes even from cartoon characters. If a child from infancy sees how dad gets into a fight, trying to punish his opponent, then it is not surprising if the baby grows up to be an inveterate brawler.
An overly strong-willed mother, active and persistent, capable of solving all problems for her baby, and taking upon herself the hardest work.
A restless mother or an anxious grandmother, protecting the baby from “unwanted” contacts and monitoring the baby’s every movement. You can recognize such mothers on the playground by their constant shouts: “Don’t run! Don't go! You'll fall! Move away from the slide, etc.”
During the period of formation of independent skills (3-4 years), the child was protected in every possible way from this very independence, depriving him of the opportunity to achieve the goal himself.

Before you scold your child for being pugnacity or, conversely, cowardice, remember: how do you resolve conflicts in the family? A child is a reflection of his parents, so adults need to set a personal example of flexible behavior with other people

How to help your child learn to stand up for himself?

To help your child, try the following:

Allow your child to communicate with peers more often, and tell him that fighting back is not shameful. If the child is not able to respond to the aggressor physically, then suggest a more acceptable method of defense, you can sternly and loudly shout to the aggressor so that he does not give up. The main thing in defense is confidence. A person who is confident in his abilities, even if he is very young, will never be approached by an offender just like that.
Check the family system of prohibitions and punishments again. Perhaps it's time to reconsider it. There is no need to put too much pressure on kids. Children need to be praised often, emphasizing their strengths. Tell your child more often that he is already an adult, independent and strong. Such moral support will give the child self-confidence.
Try acting out scenes from real life with your child. Let him be “offending”, and you show him how to competently avoid an open conflict. The more scenes you act out, the more likely it is that the child will adopt one of the options for resolving the dispute.
Maintain constant contact and trusting relationships with your child. Foster a sense of confidence in him. At the same time, it would be a good idea for dads to teach their child the basic rules of self-defense.
Help your child overcome fear. The best way is if he not only repels a strong opponent, but protects a weaker one: a younger child, a new kid at school, a girl who is being bullied by mischievous people. By developing in a child a feeling of pity and a desire to help, you will drown out his uncertainty in front of the aggressor.

Of course, it’s good when a child has physical strength and can fight back against any offender. However, in life it is much more useful to be able to negotiate without fists. Explain to your son and daughter that the best fighter is the one who stops the fight without getting hit.

Parents of preschoolers and even schoolchildren often have the question of how to teach their child to stand up for himself.

How to do it, psychologists will tell.

What to do if a child bites his nails? Find out about this from ours.

Psychology and reasons

Why can't a child fight back?

Adults, often without realizing it, form various and.

Trying to instill correctness and politeness in our children, we sometimes forget that we need to be able to stand up for ourselves.

Mom says: fighting is bad, and, having learned this, the child cannot fight back.

Example. They are trying to take away a toy from a child in the sandbox. The baby resists, not wanting to give up what is his, but the grandmother says: give it back, why do you feel sorry? With every similar situation, the child learns that there is no need to fight for what is his. It seems that the adults wanted what was best, but it turned out the other way around.

Another example. The baby's parents are very despotic; they raise the child in harsh conditions. He is not allowed to express his own opinion, he is constantly criticized and belittled.

As a result, an understated one is brought up. The child is afraid to be strong not only in front of adults, but also in front of his peers. The fear of punishment instills in him.

If the baby is by nature has a weak nervous system, health problems, then it is more difficult for him to cope with the difficulties of the outside world. Excessive care aggravates the problem.

Adults want to protect them from difficulties, but in fact they do not give the child the opportunity to learn to cope with external influences and difficult situations.

Arises problem avoidance reaction.

When a child is bullied by his peers, the mother’s first reaction is to save him. But in fact, he is quite capable of standing up for himself.

And if adults always protect him, this can cause ridicule from other children, which also affects the child’s self-esteem. Proper education is a whole science, and parents should carefully choose methods of influence.

Criticism and accusations from parents also negatively affect a child's self-esteem.

He was defeated in a fight- instead of supporting and telling how to act correctly, parents swear - a coward, a weakling, thereby provoking the formation of self-doubt and the feeling that he is not capable of anything.

What to do if the baby is not able to stand up for himself?

To start you can't scold him.

If your child has low self-esteem, you need to find a way to increase his self-confidence.

Criticism and accusations will lead to the opposite result- the baby will become even weaker, many complexes and fears will appear, he will avoid and will not be able to protect himself.

However, this does not mean that one must necessarily teach one to throw one’s fists at the offender without understanding the situation. Even if the child is still small, it is useful for him to develop self-control skills.

The task of parents is to raise a strong, self-sufficient personality, capable of distinguishing between an attack for no reason and forced defense.

Children incredibly susceptible to what is fed to them. Therefore, parents have to be careful with their parenting methods.

It can be difficult for unsociable children to stand up for themselves, so it is important to pay attention to proper socialization. If your child does not go to kindergarten, take him to development groups, clubs, where he will have contact with other children and learn cooperation.

In some teams there is unhealthy environment. This happens for the reason that adults do not pay enough attention to establishing a favorable atmosphere within the group.

In this case, the correct solution may be transfer of a child to another institution.

Choose a kindergarten where the individuality of children is taken into account, where an individual approach is sought for each child.

If he sits alone in the corner and doesn't play, competent educators they will find a reason and do everything to ensure that preschoolers join the team and learn to communicate with their peers.

Often aggressive behavior is provoked by parents themselves. In each group there is a child with a problematic upbringing.

Pay the attention of the teacher and psychologist to his behavior, let them discuss this with his parents.

How to teach your child to give change?

What to do if your son or daughter is attacked and he does not respond:

Be sure to talk to your teacher. Find out why peer influence on a child is allowed.

If you change kindergarten or school, and it continues, it means that the problem is not in the environment, but in the child himself.

Watch how he interacts with his peers, ask the teachers about his behavior and how he provokes other children. Have a conversation with him, draw his attention to how he behaves and that it is his behavior that provokes conflicts.

Children with victim complex noticeable, usually immediately.

They have drooping shoulders and heads, as if they want to hide, they try to look away because they don't like eye contact.

Their voice is quiet, monotonous, their speech is uncertain, and it is difficult for them to immediately respond to phrases addressed to them. They can cry, run away, complain to teachers. If you see a child showing signs of being a victim, start working on his behavior.

Important: criticism, accusations, ridicule are not acceptable. Parents should do everything possible to improve self-esteem.

Invite the child to straighten his shoulders, pay attention to the fact that in this state he feels stronger. Find him a hobby that will help him gain confidence and gain self-esteem because of his achievements.

Parental support is important. Children who are raised in an authoritarian style do not know how to decide anything on their own. They develop personality traits such as depression, lack of initiative, hostility, and lack of self-control.

The consequence of overprotection is infantilism, dependence, uncertainty, and passivity. That is why parents should pay attention to what methods of education and influence they use.

Very often in our lives there are cases when we are faced with either outright anger, or rudeness, or barbs and mockery. Life can be poisoned by constant attacks from a colleague or some acquaintance, and sometimes aggressive behavior on the road, in line or in the subway can drive you crazy. And for some of us, those who do not know how to quickly parry, the question arises: “What is the best way to behave: to nobly leave or to fight back with a caustic word?” The main thing is to learn to behave with dignity towards the offender, so that he feels ashamed and offended, and not you.

So, The first thing you need to start with is learning to control your emotions. And we may have the following: confusion, depression or aggression. Pull yourself together and say clearly to yourself: “You can’t show your confusion and run into the bushes,” “I can overpower myself and not show depression,” “I shouldn’t be silent with wet eyes or red ears,” “I won’t show my anger and irritation, as if I had really been touched to the quick, and I will not allow the offender to triumph.” It will be easier for you to do this if you imagine your opponent in some pitiful or funny way: an evil gnome, a yapping dog. Or put him in an aquarium and imagine that he is splashing his lips like a bloated ball fish, and you don’t hear anything, he’s trying in vain.

The second point is to be able to give a worthy rebuff.“School of Scandal” is not such a nasty thing. Only you need to be able to “slander” not with primitive offensive and well-known words, but beautifully and with humor, in order to preserve your “uniform honor” and leave others without arguments. You should not respond to rudeness with rudeness, although in some cases this is what helps, but more on that later.

If you periodically encounter the problem of “lack of resourcefulness” in the right situation, then prepare several phrases and arguments in advance: universal and situation-specific. What does this mean: the first are suitable in any situation and for any person, and the second should be considered in advance if you know in advance that there is a high probability that your constant offender will probably go through such and such a topic.

For example, if some official in our thriving bureaucratic apparatus is rude to you, say: “I see from you that you have problems with women, but I have nothing to do with it, I just needed a certificate.” Or someone barked in a public place, answer: “You can see that life is difficult for you, but why take your anger out on me.” Of course, this is what you should do if you have nothing to lose except your own face, it is better to leave victoriously and not spoil your mood with failure.

But if you, coming to work with a new bag, a new one, or preparing a new report, are waiting for the next inevitable criticism, prepare in advance. Think about what exactly, at what nuance and in what key this criticism can be directed, prepare a refutation, evidence and the “point” that will be put after your remark. You can even consult with one of your friends and relatives: how they see this situation, what they would say in your place, how they would retort.

And the third point - when and to whom can you be rude and is it even necessary to do so? Of course, learning bad manners is not the most respectable thing. But, unfortunately, in our reality today there are more and more such subjects from whose behavior you need to be able to protect yourself. And, alas, they are often only affected by the same methods of “communication” that they themselves use.

So, first, think carefully about whether it’s worth saying anything to the offender at all. Sometimes people can be aggressive and can go so far as to use physical force, regardless of gender or gender. So sometimes it’s better to quietly leave and not look for adventures in a place that is familiar to us all.

If the “villain” is just an ordinary boor and does not pose a danger, and you don’t want to leave humiliated and insulted at all, then answer him in the same spirit, don’t be shy. Just concentrate all your anger, indignation and pour out your emotions on him in one fell swoop. Maybe even a couple of succinct words. Indecent? Think about it, did he behave decently when he told you about the same thing? So don’t be shy once again, and if the situation allows: a firmer voice, a stern face and a return “shot”. Believe me, after such a “release” of negative words, all your negativity will go away. Sometimes it’s better to let off steam, rather than accumulate resentment and anger inside yourself, and not feel trampled and humiliated all day.

Learn to control yourself, your emotions and find the strength to fight back with dignity and effectively, depending on the situation and those people who are trying to offend you. And you will see that in many ways life will become simpler and calmer. After all, the most important thing is not to transfer your resentment onto loved ones and innocent people, but to be able to give what they deserve to the one who is really to blame.

For the normal development of a child, it is absolutely necessary for him to believe that good always triumphs over evil, that the world around him is good. All fairy tales are built on this basis. Yes, there may be evil in the world, but these are small inclusions that easily defeat good. Otherwise, the child will be afraid, and fear will paralyze intellectual and emotional development.

Therefore, children who have experienced war, the loss of loved ones, or natural disasters on a subconscious level want to forget these terrible impressions, switching to something more joyful and bright. If they focused on these nightmare experiences, they would not have the strength to continue living.

And those parents are wrong who instill in their child that the world is cruel, that in life you have to fight your way through. The child is small, but the world around him is huge, and how can one not be afraid that he is unlikely to be able to defeat the whole world, and therefore some children show fears, while others show aggressiveness in order to defeat the same fear.

But often the father, whose authority is the most significant and important for the child, and his word weighs more for the child than the words of everyone else, instead of protecting his son from offenders, deprives the child of self-respect, calling the child a wimp.

How to protect a child if he is constantly bullied in kindergarten?

It is necessary to talk with the teacher, because the administration of the preschool institution is primarily responsible for the physical and mental health of children. If adults (educators) allow children to fight, they can go wild, and if they don’t allow them, then even the most poorly behaved boys learn to resolve issues without fighting and insults. It happens that only transfer to another kindergarten is the way out of the situation, but it also happens that wherever a child goes, he becomes a victim of brawlers, which means that there is something in him that provokes offenders.

How to teach a child to give back in kindergarten photo

Constant aggression is provoked by those children who bully themselves and then rush to complain. Such children should be taught not so much to fight back, but to get along with children, not to be sarcastic, not to make jokes, and to be friendly.
There are children who perfectly play the role of the victim - at any even small conflict or shock, they throw hysterics and tears - the offenders really like this. They are interested in how with a doll - you press a button - you watch a concert.

How to overcome the fear of offenders? Extensive experience with children shows that it is easier to overcome fear when you are not protecting yourself, but someone weaker or your friend. Sympathy and a feeling of compassion drown out fear, and the offender, feeling that they are not afraid of him, will think carefully before getting into a fight again.

If you want your child to be able to fight back, to fight back against the offender, develop in him a sense of justice, pity, and compassion. People only feel sorry for the weaker, which means that in order to feel sorry for someone you need to feel very strong. This is perhaps even more important than teaching a child to fight back, which, however, also doesn’t hurt. The main thing is that the child must know for sure that you cannot offend children, you cannot bully them, but if you offend them, fight back. Often parents themselves are largely to blame. Sometimes a child may be accidentally pushed or hit while playing, and your child would not even pay attention to it if it were not for you. Many mothers fly to “protect their child” with an oar at the ready, ready to kill (if not physically, then with words) anyone and everyone who harmed the child. They make a scandal out of an insignificant situation, read children and their parents and cannot calm down for several minutes, and sometimes for days in a row.

Children will make peace in 5 minutes if adults do not interfere in their relationship. Maybe in a minute during the game your child will accidentally hit someone. Children are always on the move and no one is immune from this.

There is a concept of hitting back - it means responding blow to blow, and immediately, without hesitation. (After a fight they don’t wave their fists.) This lets the fighter know that it’s better not to come near me, otherwise it will hurt. The main thing is that children distinguish aggressiveness from randomness. And so that they can forgive if the offender repents and says: “Sorry, I didn’t mean to” or “Sorry, it happened by accident.” Teach your child to ask for forgiveness. This will protect him from fights and help keep his friends.

There is a concept of standing up for yourself - not allowing yourself to be offended, i.e. get out of the conflict with dignity.

We must teach the child to be friendly, peace-loving, honest, fair, self-confident, physically strong, and teach him to adequately assess the situation so as not to be the first to start a fight. Such people are always treated with respect and are rarely attacked. This is exactly what we should strive for.

If you are attacked, it is important to be able to defend yourself, but without aggression, without hatred, you just need to put the offender in the place. In this case, feasible physical activity will help, i.e. physical training. At kindergarten age, it may be too early to enroll your child in martial arts sports (although those parents who did did not regret it). But on sports and even playgrounds it is necessary to strengthen the physical health of the baby, and if finances and the size of the home allow you to install a wall bars or a horizontal bar in the child’s nursery, the baby will be strong and healthy, thanks to constant exercise, as well as dexterous and strong.

The child must know and understand that girls should not be beaten. Although recently this has become a big problem, because... Girls are born initially larger than boys, and quite often they offend the “stronger sex”. And boys, knowing that they can’t hit girls, often don’t know how to avoid aggression. And here it is important that adults help him, explain that he should not be a victim, but also not beat the girl under any circumstances. Nowadays it is not uncommon that girls can attack - cover yourself with your hands, dodge, turn it into a joke, leave, but don’t hit, don’t hit back. A man’s natural task is to protect a woman!

Children in kindergarten often act on a subconscious level, and your task, even at such a young age, is to raise a real man who will stand up for himself and protect the weaker. Always pay attention to the child, which of the children behaves well, and which is very wrong.

Parents are obliged to discern subconscious child aggression, both in their child and in the children with whom he plays, and try to have less contact with aggressive children.

Get your children used to sports. Team games bring children together well, foster team spirit, self-confidence, and discipline. And the absence of aggression, peacefulness and goodwill can “lead” a person away from a dangerous situation.

Don't bully your child. Good always defeats evil, but sometimes good must use fists to defend itself, but not to attack.
Anna Salova

Perhaps every parent has encountered the fact that a child returned from a walk or, for example, from school with a grudge against his peers because of unfair treatment on their part. Clashes between children that escalate into major conflicts and even fights are not uncommon. How to help a child stand up for himself and teach him to figure out what behavior to follow in a given conflict situation?

Know how to stand up for yourself: why should children defend themselves from attacks?

Disputes and clashes arise not only among adults. The inevitable socialization of children (especially preschool and primary school age) leads to the fact that some of them try to lead, defending their opinions in every possible way, while other children become victims of the aggressive behavior of bullies. Therefore, it is so important to teach a child the correct position in a problem situation from childhood. The tasks of adults at this stage are as follows:

instill in a boy or girl the awareness of himself as a full-fledged person, whose well-being no one has the right to encroach on;
help to master civilized ways of resolving controversial situations;
explain in what cases it is appropriate to use force and what are the permissible limits of its use.

The child must be able to protect his interests in the following situations:

if they insult you verbally;
toys, notebooks or other property are taken away;
damage property or the results of labor (for example, tearing or dirtying things, breaking a structure made of sand);
humiliate by forcing someone to do something;
have a physical impact (pinching, biting, beating, etc.).

When such situations arise, parents cannot help but react to them and allow the child to put up with this state of affairs, otherwise he will become a constant object of ridicule and bullying (in kindergarten, school, society), which will lead to serious mental problems in the future and will affect all parties life.

It is imperative to help the child repel attacks, otherwise he may turn into an outcast.

Self-defense must be justified and adequate to the situation in which the child finds himself. Fighting back does not always mean using physical force. But you shouldn’t instill in your children a categorical “no” to fist-based dispute resolution, since life is multifaceted, and there are moments that threaten life and health when a person must be able to stand up for himself.

How to teach a child to fight back against peers?

Sometimes children’s conflicts arise in front of their parents: for example, a family comes to visit with a baby who takes away the child’s toys, fights and teases. In such circumstances, it is enough for adults to intervene, explaining to the little aggressor that in this house they do not play or be friends with those who behave badly. When it turns out that a child is being bullied in kindergarten, school, or simply by peers in the yard, then targeted work cannot be avoided:

If a boy or girl attends an educational institution, then first of all you need to talk with the teacher or class teacher, since monitoring the microclimate in the children's group and resolving disputes in it is the direct responsibility of teachers.
It would not be superfluous to discuss the problem with the parents of the offenders. At the same time, you need to remember that the conversation should proceed in a restrained and confidential tone in the absence of children.
You cannot call your son or daughter names using the words “mumble”, “nanny” and the like, scold them for inaction, and so on. Such an attitude not only pushes children away from their parents, but also destroys self-confidence, which is why the child will never be able to respond to the offender.
It is important to direct the boy or girl towards a peaceful resolution of the dispute: let him try to build a dialogue with the enemy, explaining that he/she does not like it when they say/do this, it hurts, and so on. It is necessary to prove that a child is right without getting personal or insulting; a calm tone and reasoning will help to win the respect of peers and add authority.
You can teach how to respond to rude attacks in the following way: “If you say/do this again, I’ll call my dad/brother, he’ll show you!” The main thing is that the child is confident that an adult will come to the rescue if it is really needed. In preschool age, the following phrase can be used: “If you offend, I will not be friends with you!” If the threats do not work, then the child must definitely implement what he promised: call his dad or brother, stop communicating with the aggressor, and so on.
If a child is faced not only with insults and verbal humiliation, but also with poking and physical attacks, let him try to put the offender down by pinching him. This will not do any harm, but it will let the child know that he can also respond to the aggressor.

If your child is openly interested in possible options for getting out of conflict situations, play out such moments with him, using toys or images of characters from your favorite cartoons and books.

Enroll your child in a karate class: this way he will improve his health and learn self-defense

Of course, you shouldn’t teach a child to get involved in a fight if a peer simply took something without asking. It is completely inappropriate to sort things out with fists because of an offensive nickname or an unpleasant word. The use of force can be advised only as a last resort: when a son or daughter is faced with beatings and physical abuse from other children, and other methods of resolving the situation do not help. To help fight back against your bully, it is helpful to do the following:

Enroll your child in a sports section (for example, karate, wrestling, hockey), organize a sports corner at home - this will give you the opportunity to relax and feel more confident.
Rehearse a problematic situation with the child, suggest at what moment it is appropriate to use force. When he is not able to resort to using his fists for some reason (does not want to get involved in a fight, is not very confident in himself), then it is important to teach him to at least prevent an attack, to dodge. You can offer this option: after the first blow, do not hit back, but warn verbally, but if new attacks follow, hit back.
Support the child and encourage him to believe that he is already an adult and strong. The trusting attitude of parents will help a boy or girl get rid of fear.

Do not panic if the child does not respond to the offender and does not show retaliatory aggression. This is evidence that he grows up in a friendly atmosphere, and the insults of his peers are more surprising than unpleasant for him.
It often happens that the child himself provokes quarrels in the children's team, is mischievous, and demands a lot. Then, instead of teaching him to defend himself, it is necessary to have a conversation with him about how important it is to be able to compromise, give in and share in order to build normal relationships with others.
If time passes, and attacks at school or kindergarten do not stop, and humiliating words, beatings and other bullying become constant, then it makes sense to think about changing educational institutions (especially when conversations with the class teacher and director). This state of affairs negatively affects the mental and physiological development of the child; at this stage, learning self-defense is no longer enough; it is important to remove your son or daughter from an unhealthy environment.
Parents who teach their children to resolve disputes with their fists must be prepared for the fact that the child will not always be able to be objective and see the situation from all sides. Therefore, it is advisable to accompany such calls with reminders of the possible consequences.

Parents need to encourage their children to resolve conflicts verbally. However, there are cases when the problem does not exclude the use of force to protect one’s safety and personal space. Therefore, it is important to teach the child to adequately assess the situation and sort things out in an appropriate way.