How do I know if I am happy in my family life? Am I happy and what does this relationship give me? How to tell if you're happy

25.04.2024 -

We talk a lot about why girls are unhappy in relationships, what mistakes guys make, and how to recognize that his intentions are not the best, but we completely forget that there should be a place for an adequate conversation. Instead of complaining that he doesn't pay attention to you or disappears with his friends, think about it, maybe he's unhappy around you? Here are a few questions that will help you find out without scandals and without asking the main question head-on.

1. Where will we spend our holiday?

What could be more exciting than making grandiose plans for a future together? Unhappy couples don't do such things because they don't see or don't want to see that the relationship has prospects. Ask your boyfriend to plan your next trip - this question will show how willing he is to embark on complex planning, arguments, and financial commitments with you. If he is unhappy, he will most likely avoid the topic. Again, you shouldn’t sound the alarm right away; perhaps your boyfriend will say “no” because he understands that you won’t have time to save enough money or you have other plans. The main thing is “with you”.

2. Can I go with you?

If your boyfriend spends all his time without you and continues to plan his leisure time, ask him if you can join. It is quite possible that he is deliberately moving away from you. Having the right to privacy and a life outside of the relationship is normal, but only when it is not on an ongoing basis.

3. What will we do on the weekend?

Different couples have their own ideas about the weekend, but if you're left out for the umpteenth time and suspect it's not a coincidence, ask your boyfriend what you'll do next time. If he again lets you know that you are not in his plans, then you should talk about what is wrong.

4. Will you go to the store with me?

By inviting your guy to do something very boring or something that only relates to you, you can determine how strong your connection is. Such matters require patience, understanding and respect - all of which are present in a happy relationship. But if your boyfriend always avoids the downside of living together, it means he doesn't want to make any commitments. Your partner should meet halfway and strive to help you or at least find a compromise if something routine needs to be done.

5. Let's open a joint account?

Money is a universal way to understand who is next to you. It doesn’t matter how much you earn and spend individually, but how you approach budget sharing can be the answer to the main question: “Are you happy?”

If he doesn’t agree to the proposal to open a joint account or start saving money for a vacation, an apartment, a car for you, it means that he has no common interests with you, and his own expenses are a priority. He may simply not be ready, he may be experiencing financial difficulties, which requires patience from you, but if you understand that this is not the case, then the problem is in your relationship.

6. Would you like to go have some fun?

After a hard day at work or experienced stress, you just need to relax. You can do this in any way you like, but it is unlikely that someone who is happy next to you will refuse an offer to do something that will bring you pleasure. If your partner doesn't like to have fun with you, then most likely he is unhappy in your relationship.

7. What good happened today?

By asking how his day was, you are showing interest in his life and support. Pay attention to whether he says something good or continues to complain and get angry? He may have problems - that's normal. But if everything that happens has been annoying him for a long time, there is a reason to talk frankly.

8. What is your dream life?

Such a question can be confusing, so many people avoid answering or speak at length. Not because they don’t love you, but because it’s hard. But such a question helps to see what a person is not satisfied with and how he is going to solve his problems. If there are no hints about you in his plans for the future, then there is reason to think: perhaps he does not want to be with you, but has not yet decided when to leave. Even if there is no threat to the relationship, the answer to this question will help him understand the basic values of life, and you can give him advice if you are in the know.

9. What are you thinking about?

When you're in a bad mood, it's important to have some space to think. A question like this is a great way to find out what is in the soul of the person you love, and show that you are open to conversation, want to listen and support. Listen carefully, do not interrupt and do not take everything as a personal insult. Then your boyfriend will be able to feel that he has no reason to hide anything from you, because you will understand everything.

10. Would you like to go on a double date?

Double dating is an activity that isn't suitable for all couples, and it's also a good indicator of whether your guy feels committed to the relationship. If he is comfortable with you, then there is no reason not to share this joy and not communicate with other happy people.

But if he is not happy in the relationship, then he will not agree to a double date.

The main thing is to find out from him why, so as not to speculate, but to know for sure: he is simply not a fan of spending time together or does not want to connect his life with you in front of witnesses.

11. Is everything okay? You look sad.

Sometimes the easiest way to find out what happened is to simply ask, without hints or coming from afar. If you've been trying to figure out if your boyfriend is happy around you for a long time, but you can't be sure if he's right, ask him why he looks unhappy and let him speak. If he avoids answering, this is also something that cannot be ignored. In happy relationships, people do not hide the reasons for their poor emotional state from each other, but maybe he is silent because you never gave him the opportunity to speak?

Every person dreams of a happy and strong marriage. According to recent studies, the divorce rate has dropped slightly in recent years. This is great news! But it would be even better to know the scientific basis for a strong family. Could there be a formula that can help you find happiness? What is the secret of strong families? Two researchers from Emory University, Andrew Francis and Hugo Mialon, analyzed three thousand spouses to understand what factors can guarantee a longer lasting marriage. The results of their statistics turned out to be quite interesting. Of course, no recipe or secret has been discovered, but some signs may still indicate that your wedding is the beginning of a long and happy married life.

You dated for at least three years before getting engaged

Research shows that couples who were in a relationship for at least three years before getting engaged are 39 percent less likely to get divorced than those who dated for less than a year before getting engaged. According to science, there is no one rule or way to determine how long you should date before marriage. However, many experts are confident that a period of less than two years seriously increases the likelihood of divorce. If a couple has been dating for some time, we can say that the lovers are planning the future well and have excellent prospects. They get a chance to get to know each other better, which means that after the wedding their relationship will not face any special changes, while unfamiliar partners may be unpleasantly surprised after the ceremony.

Do you go to church regularly?

Here the statistics are absolutely clear: those who go to church are 46 percent less likely to get divorced. The study was conducted by Dr. Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Research Project. He concluded that people who do not have religious beliefs are more likely to get divorced. Religion largely determines whether a couple is able to make a marriage strong, but it does not in itself make the relationship better. It just changes the approach to marriage and creating a family, and especially the view on divorce. Regular visits to church reinforce these beliefs. If each partner believes that divorce is bad, the likelihood of divorce will naturally decrease.

You had a magnificent wedding

At first glance, this point seems to make no sense. However, it is a statistically proven fact that people who get married without guests are more likely to get divorced than those who throw a ceremony for two hundred people. People who have a large group of family and friends support them are more likely to form stable relationships. They look at family differently and value it highly, so they are ready to make more efforts to maintain relationships.

Your wedding didn't cost too much

It seems that this point contradicts the previous one, however, the statistics do not lie. The essence of this point is different - in this case, the size of the amount spent is important, and not the number of guests. The more money you spend on a wedding, the higher the likelihood of divorce becomes. The data showed that couples who spent a significant amount on the ceremony were 46 percent more likely to decide to divorce. On the contrary, those who organized the most budget-friendly holiday most likely will not get divorced. Perhaps the reason for this situation is the debts remaining after a magnificent wedding and causing tension. The wisest thing to do is to correctly calculate your expenses and not go beyond your financial capabilities, so as not to jeopardize your marriage.

You were on your honeymoon immediately after the wedding ceremony

Such a trip reduces the likelihood of divorce by forty-one percent! There's a reason to travel immediately after the ceremony. It's all about the wedding stress that builds up and ends with a long party with all your family and friends in attendance. All this stress and pressure can really take its toll on a relationship. A honeymoon provides an opportunity to relax, strengthen your bond, and take a break. Those couples who postpone their desired trip are seriously risking their relationship.

You have a high joint income

It's no secret that quarrels over money are one of the main reasons for divorce. Couples with stable high incomes are 51 percent less likely to get divorced. The higher the income, the lower the likelihood of separation. If your financial situation is not alarming, your family is also likely to be strong and stable.

You value inner beauty, not outer beauty

Everything is very simple here. If your spouse's physical attractiveness is too high on your list of priorities, prepare to become part of the divorce statistics. However, this is most relevant for men - they are fifty percent more likely to get divorced when they feel that their partner’s appearance determines the success of the relationship. If a family values a person’s internal qualities, and not his appearance, the relationship will be healthier and stronger, and therefore long-term.

How to understand that you are unhappy
married?

How do you know if you are unhappy in your marriage?

7 steps to exposing happy couples

text:

How often, looking at someone, we think: “People are lucky. They love each other so much!” This really happens, but much less often than we think, and not at all with those who diligently demonstrate it. We have selected the most striking examples of how people try to convince themselves and others that they are happy in their marriage.

9 steps to exposing happy couples

The lucky winner’s partner is recorded in the phone not by name or surname, but, for example, as “beloved”, “beloved”, “mine”, “hare”, “cat”, “cherry”, “swallow”, “sun” and other tops. If animal-fruit names can only speak of bad taste, then “beloved” is a diagnosis. It's weird to remind yourself that you love the person who's calling you. Don't you like his name? Or should others know that your heart is occupied? Don't make excuses, just listen to yourself.

2. Photos of loved ones on your desktop, wallet and phone.

If in America and Europe this tradition was generated by the myth that a family man can be trusted, because he is not a scoundrel or a swindler who will disappear immediately after the deal is concluded, then in Russia this is done rather to show off to friends. Well, tell me, why do you need a photo of your wife on the table if you see her in the evening? Or won't you see? Or is she a smiling, calm beauty in the photo, but in real life she’s a shrill, fading bitch that you’re pretty tired of? An abundance of photographs of a partner on the phone, as a rule, indicates the beginning of an affair. Then they migrate to the computer and sleep peacefully there. If you have been married for several years, and your phone is full of images of your partner, then most likely you know that he is rummaging through your phone, or you show them to someone and thus reassure yourself.

You were laughing with your friends over a dirty joke or just gloomily staring at the monitor, and then suddenly! - “darling” calls. Your voice becomes two octaves higher than usual, and a lisping and lulling intonation, unusual for you, flows into the receiver. Everything is fine. Everyone is calm. The house is in order.

4. The house is like a passage yard.

There is always someone in the house of such a couple. One dropped in for tea, another brought a new girl to meet, the third stayed late since last night. No solo dinners. Companies, parties, noise, no time to think, no time to talk - and thank God. You never know what we can agree on. And it’s no longer clear what to talk about.

1. Change your name on your phone.

2. Photos of loved ones
on the desktop,
in your wallet and phone.

5. Children are like a shield.

All conversations alone and among friends come down to children - their activities, illnesses, funny phrases. Sex twice a month is explained by the fact that tomorrow Mashenka has to go to kindergarten at seven and in general “we’ll wake up the children.” There is nothing wrong with this, it is quite possible that you have become closer to each other and feel that this person is your relative, but if you remember your partner only because Petechka has a parent-teacher meeting at school, then most likely your love is gone. Such a marriage can be very strong, but only until the children grow up and leave home.

Oddly enough, when you are in love, your jealousy is more likely to be justified. Your status is still precarious, your feelings are acute, you want to take possession of the object of your love and not share it with anyone. Jealousy is exciting at first. But if she crawls out after three or four years, this is not a good signal. Oddly enough, the first person to become jealous is the one who wanted to go to the left himself, or the one who has already gone there. “If I am yes, then she, quite possibly, already is.” This should not be confused with a suddenly rekindled passion. You are bored with this person, you are not eager to have sex with him, but for someone else? Well, I do not. Goodbye love, hello fear.

7. Ignoring your partner.

If at work, on trips or with friends you prefer not to mention the existence of your partner, this is a sign. Consciously or subconsciously, you want it to evaporate, everything to be as before and you would live some other life. You throw your head back as you burst into laughter, love new acquaintances and are ready for breathtaking adventures. The main thing is that no one around you sees through and understands that a dull “it” awaits you at home - no laughter, no acquaintances, no adventures. When asked about your family, you become scowling and with your entire appearance make it clear that your personal life is of no concern to anyone but you. Never bring your partner to parties and drinking parties, saying that he is bored there. In fact, you are afraid to appear in front of your friends together. Because then they will understand. For now, only you understand.

8. Partner protruding.

If, out of place or not, you immediately talk about how yesterday you and your wife did this, and tomorrow this, then you are desperately trying to remind yourself and others about what a long and happy family life you have. People around you know more about your family life than about their own: anniversaries, memorable dates, sexual preferences, success at work. Your goal is to make sure that when you appear in society, you are highlighted in the eyes of others with the tags of a successful life: stability, love, a successful marriage, strong relationships. But you don’t pretend that you don’t have a hand, or you don’t talk all day long about the fact that you have a hand? You just have her, you accept her for who she is, and you are happy together. It's the same with marriage.

9. Clear planning and coordination of actions.

Life-giving chaos has long since left the relationship, and only destructive chaos remains. Therefore, in order to break through all the intricacies of family life and simply not be able to remain in silence with each other, you need to think through the details of spending time together. You signed up for ballroom dancing lessons, go to language meetings on Saturdays, go to the sauna with friends on Fridays, and visit relatives for brunch on Sundays. It seems that if you have to make even one spontaneous decision, then you will not survive this day together alone with each other and your whole life will go downhill.

4. The house is like a passage yard.

5. Children are like a shield.

6. Unjustified jealousy and suspicion.

7. Ignoring your partner.

Oddly enough, when you are in love, your jealousy is more likely to be justified. Your status is still precarious, your feelings are acute, you want to take possession of the object of your love and not share it with anyone. Jealousy is exciting at first. But if she crawls out after three or four years, this is not a good signal. Oddly enough, the first to become jealous is the one who wanted to go to the left himself, or the one who has already gone there. “If I am yes, then she, quite possibly, already is.” This should not be confused with passion that suddenly flared up again. You are bored with this person, you are not eager to have sex with him, but for someone else? Well, I do not. Goodbye love, hello fear.

If at work, on trips or with friends you prefer not to mention the existence of your partner, this is a sign. Consciously or subconsciously, you want it to evaporate, everything to be as before and you would live some other life. You throw your head back when you burst into laughter, love new acquaintances and are ready for dizzying adventures. The main thing is that none of those around you see through and understand that a dull “it” awaits you at home - no laughter, no acquaintances, no adventures. When asked about your family, you become scowling and with your entire appearance make it clear that your personal life is of no concern to anyone but you. Never bring your partner to parties and drinking parties, saying that he is bored there. In fact, you are afraid to appear in front of your friends together. Because then they will understand. For now, only you understand.

Good afternoon.

This topic has been discussed many times on the Internet, and for everyone it is relevant in its own way.
We have been dating a guy for 1 year, but problems in the relationship began a long time ago. In October, the crisis began, he is an employee of a troubled bank and was very afraid of losing his job, every day they have some kind of excesses at work, but he has been afraid of losing his job for 7 months and he also blames the lack of time on work. He lives only for work, he talks about work, colleagues, clients and has no other interests in life. We began to see each other less and less, it came down to 2 times a month; he may not call me for two weeks, he misses all the events that happen in my life. He is so passionate about himself and his problems that even when I was sick, he didn’t ask how I was. In general, the whole world revolves around him. A few months ago, I informed him that if people don’t see each other and don’t communicate often, they become strangers, and that’s what happened in our situation. He agreed to change the relationship, but it only lasted for a month. Each of us lives our own life. I take care of myself, I have a job I love, where everything is good, friends, theater, gym, etc., but at the same time I ask myself: Am I happy with this person? What does this relationship give me?
But during these rare meetings he treats me simply wonderful.

Yana, Moscow, Russia, 27 years old

Sexologist's answer:

Hello, Yana.

The question is not even whether you are happy with him or not, because at the time when you are together you feel good. The question is whether you are ready to continue this relationship if this situation where you see each other twice a month continues. The choice is yours. If you are ready, then relax and enjoy the fact that you have it. And then time will tell.

Best regards, Alexander Kolosov.

Making the decision to divorce is a very serious moment in the life of any person. Many people are simply afraid to leave a relationship, even if it doesn’t bring them much joy or make them happy. And this is not the best solution! After all, an unhappy marriage can have long-term negative consequences on a person's mental and emotional health. A number of studies indicate that people in such relationships often have low self-esteem, suffer from anxiety and depression, and are also more likely to get sick. Moreover, after a divorce, in most cases, they recover emotionally and acquire new partners. Here's a look at 17 signs that indicate you're unhappy in your marriage.

You don't have sex anymore

One of the most serious signs of an unhappy marriage is the almost complete absence of intimacy between spouses. The presence of a real problem in a relationship may also be indicated by the fact that partners no longer have the desire to hug, kiss, or simply hold each other’s hands.

You have nothing to say to each other

You are close to each other, but not together

You and your spouse can be in the same room, but not feel that a loved one is present next to you. So, one of you can do something on the computer, and the other, for example, watch TV or read. At the same time, there is no connection between you and you are quite comfortable doing something alone.

You are ignoring your intuition

People often don't pay attention to their inner voice. Although intuition often unmistakably indicates that our relationship is not working. After all, the inner voice sounds quiet, and it seems to us that these are just our fantasies or fears, not supported by any real facts. However, if such thoughts begin to occur to you, then do not ignore them, but try to ask yourself more specific questions and answer them honestly. So, ask yourself if you feel safe in the relationship, if you receive the respect you deserve from your spouse, if you have the opportunity to express yourself, if you feel happy, etc.

You are too concerned with the needs and problems of other people

Many women stay in relationships longer than they should because they tend to put the needs of others before their own. Often they do not even notice this, believing that they are solving their own problems. To build happy relationships, psychologists recommend that the fairer sex stop being distracted by meeting the needs of other people and focus on themselves.

You are becoming more and more distant from each other

One way to differentiate between a routine family life, where spouses are preoccupied with daily worries and do not pay enough attention to each other, from a loveless marriage is to ask yourself how long this situation has been going on and whether it is getting worse over time. Most couples go through difficult periods. However, psychologists say that if difficulties continue for more than two years without any signs of relief, then it makes sense not to delay and seek professional help before the partners pass the point of no return.

You fantasize about life without your spouse

If you often imagine a happy future without your partner, then something is clearly wrong in your relationship! After all, such thoughts are part of the process of developing emotional detachment, during which you may try to convince yourself that you don’t care and won’t worry too much when the time comes to break up. In this case, psychologists advise taking one more step and making sure whether the fantasy really has weight. So, start, for example, looking at advertisements for apartments for rent where you could move after a divorce, and analyze your feelings. If at the same time you feel pleasant excitement or even relief, then there are indeed serious problems in your marriage that it makes sense to start working on immediately.

You stopped quarreling

This sign is one of the most alarming, indicating a lack of emotionality towards each other. At the same time, according to psychologists, partners may still experience love, but their feelings may be “buried” under the ashes of past quarrels and resentments.

You have one or more behavior patterns that destroy relationships

Often we ourselves are not aware that we are doing everything to destroy our marriage. Thus, psychologists identify four behavior patterns that have an extremely negative impact on relationships. First of all, they include endless criticism of the partner, even over small things. The next point is constant self-defense, refusal to accept responsibility for what happened, or an attack on a partner in response to his comments. This behavior destroys trust between spouses. The contemptuous attitude of one partner towards the other also has a negative impact on marriage. Perhaps you really are superior to him in some way, but by constantly pointing this out, you only humiliate and offend your spouse. The last point psychologists highlight is deception and emotional closeness. This behavior only widens the gap between people. If you have noticed one or even several of these patterns, then it makes sense to immediately think about how you can correct the situation.

It seems to you that you are not being heard, or you are not listening to yourself

This situation is probably familiar to many. So, you are trying to discuss things that are important to you with your partner, but you do not see any response. The opposite situation is also possible, when you do not take your spouse’s words seriously. This can ultimately lead to one partner feeling misunderstood and underappreciated.

You are on the verge of emotional betrayal

If you are not satisfied with your spouse in some way, then you may become interested in another man. Thanks to modern technologies, this can be done without real betrayal, by flirting with someone, for example, online. However, according to psychologists, if your relationship already has a lot of problems, then even such an innocent prank can only aggravate the situation.

Your friends' opinions are more important to you than your partner's.

When something happens in your life, you discuss it not with your spouse, but with other people. This indicates that you are not particularly interested in your partner's opinion. In happy marriages, spouses discuss news primarily with each other.

You don't want to spend time together

Undoubtedly, each spouse needs personal space. However, if you spend more and more time apart, not trying to be with your partner after work, on weekends, at a party, etc., then everything is clearly not going smoothly in your relationship.

Dating is a thing of the past

Of course, as time goes on, the romance in a relationship begins to fade somewhat. However, you should be wary of the fact that you cannot remember the last time you had the opportunity, for example, to have dinner together at your favorite restaurant. Perhaps everything is not so bad and you just need to take time and go to a movie or a picnic together to breathe a little romance into your relationship.

You are no longer each other's priority.

If spouses no longer understand the importance of each other's feelings, thoughts and desires, then their marriage is under threat.

You feel like you're being controlled

This is actually a fairly common scenario. So, for example, if one of the spouses controls the family finances and prohibits the other from spending money on certain things, it can infringe on his dignity and provoke the development of feelings of inferiority and undervaluation.

One of the partners does not want to work on the relationship

Psychologists say that if desired, most problems that arise in marriage can be solved. Thus, it is not uncommon for spouses to remain together even after infidelity. However, if one of the partners is categorically unwilling to contribute in any way to solving the problem and seek professional help, then this may indicate that he is simply not interested in this.