In the heat of the moment, I told the guy that we were breaking up. What to do if you can’t shake the feeling that a man wants to break up How to get over a breakup with your loved one

We were sitting in a small cozy restaurant when I told her that we needed to break up. She began to cry. The people in the restaurant thought I had proposed to her and started applauding. I wanted to die.

Realizing what had happened, she began to laugh, and so contagiously that within a second I, and then the whole restaurant, was laughing. In those seconds I realized how much I love her. But the decision had already been made and voiced, we were too different - from completely different worlds, and I understood that I would not make her happy. I knew I had to let go, and I did. We didn't see each other again.

SHE: I wanted to break up with him that evening - I understood that this relationship would not lead to anything - we are too different people and want different things. He is freedom and love. I do not oppose freedom and love. For me they are always in unison; there are no contradictions in me. Or was it not? Be that as it may, I knew that my love was one-sided, which means it was sick, and it was time for her to die on the operating table.

But he got ahead of me. It was so funny - offensive and funny at the same time. He always read my mind a little - an empath of the highest order. I was overwhelmed with emotions, and even damn PMS. I sobbed like a beaten kitten, tears welled up in my eyes and... I started laughing. Is it true! It was so funny to me - from the fact that we simultaneously decided to end what had made us happy for the last six months, from his so confident, and now suddenly guilty face... from the people around who froze in anticipation that he would take a ring out of his pocket and will get down on one knee. I laughed and tears flowed freely - and it was an amazing moment. Probably, it is precisely at such moments that life sparkles in us, the whole palette of human emotions shimmers with a rainbow.

I don’t know why, they probably thought we had just gotten engaged, but the people in the restaurant started applauding us. This made me even funnier, there was no stopping me - I laughed throughout the entire restaurant. He joined me - my never-to-be husband. We laughed in unison like it was the last time. This was the last time. We didn't see each other again.

THEY: My wife and I came to a restaurant to discuss the details of our divorce. We were married for 7 years and finally decided to make each other happy. When love leaves, you have to be able to let go, I think. You are not? When the soul leaves a person, in your opinion, should the corpse be preserved? Embalm? Make a stuffed animal? I always wanted to be cremated.

A couple was sitting at the next table - very beautiful young people. Beautiful couples rarely last long, and I give this one a year at most. The guy apparently just proposed - the girl cried with happiness, I couldn’t stand it and started applauding - come on, guys, do it! Do it as if you have nothing else to do. Drive yourself into the framework of marriage, put a stamp on your feelings, fuck love, fuck freedom - you are now OBLIGED to love, you are no longer free.

I applauded their stupidity, their naivety. And they laughed, looking at each other - so loudly and so sincerely. There was so much tenderness, so much love and joy in their eyes. They were so happy that sparks of happiness splashed around them. These sparks fell into our plates, into our glasses, into our eyes and souls. And suddenly I realized that we are the fools, we are sitting at the funeral. It was we who were unable to preserve and increase the wonderful things that we were lucky enough to find. It’s not difficult to find, it’s not difficult to fall in love, one spark is enough, it’s difficult to keep the fire going. I looked at them and envied how happy they were at that moment. I hope these two will be smarter and stronger than us. For some reason I really wanted to believe it.

Hello, I have never contacted such communities, but apparently I have reached the brink, I don’t want to live, I can’t sleep or eat. We met a guy, everything was very difficult at first, then a year and a half of a wonderful relationship, it lasted, we loved, in the end there was another almost insignificant quarrel, in the heat of the moment I said “we’re breaking up,” we talked, I explained that it was all in the heat of the moment, that I loved him for a fool. As a result, the next day on the phone he said that it wasn’t what it was before, that he didn’t love it and that he didn’t know what would happen next. It would have been easier if everything had been gradual and not so abrupt, I became very ill, perhaps due to nervousness, he found out about it, writes, finds out about my well-being, nothing more, I don’t know who we are to each other and what to do, depression began a long time ago and not because of this, but it completely aggravated my condition.

23 Feb 2018

DaNatalia199

Svetlana Dyachenko

Administrator

23 Feb 2018

I am 19 years old. Depression accumulated in absolutely everything, every little thing seemed to accumulate, first school, then family difficulties, my mother was alone, my father did not help, it was difficult for her, they did not understand each other, it was as if I did not value the relationship, everything was wrong, I was looking for a catch, help me very bad, the worst thing is that there is not even a desire to return to the old self.

23 Feb 2018

DaNatalia199

Hello DaNatalia199,
You still haven’t written what you need help with, what you would like to receive?
As for your story about your relationship with your boyfriend, sometimes it just takes time for things to become clearer. Perhaps your young man needs time to make a decision.

he found out about it, writes, finds out about my well-being, nothing more

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Well, at least he cares about you.

there is no desire to return to the old self.

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Which former self would you like to return?

23 Feb 2018

I would like some advice. By the phrase “my old self,” I meant those relationships in which I was happy and could give happiness, apparently, with my mood, I destroyed the relationship.

23 Feb 2018

DaNatalia199

DaNatalia199, you won’t be able to get advice here, because I don’t have the right to give advice. But I can help you understand what you need and you can make your own decision. How do you like this option?

Tell us first what options for the development of events do you have, what would you like in a relationship with a guy or in relation to yourself?

23 Feb 2018

Svetlana Sakharchuk, yes, I agree. Everything was wonderful, but all the time I wanted more and more, I didn’t believe that he loved me, although it was obvious and he constantly talked about it, I drew attention to myself by constantly being offended. It seems to me that I won’t be able to stop everything, so I don’t want to consider this option at all, we communicate, he writes himself, but I don’t understand who we are to each other, in fact we haven’t broken up, but I can’t even call us a couple now. I’m trying to meet with him, but it seems to me that he seems to be afraid of this meeting, that he will melt and everything will be the same again, I don’t know what to do, I can’t understand him, help.

24 Feb 2018

DaNatalia199

We communicate, he writes himself, but I don’t understand who we are to each other, in fact we didn’t break up, but I can’t even call us a couple now.

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Sometimes it takes time to make a decision. The decision is made not only by you, but also by your boyfriend. He must decide whether he can continue the relationship or not.

But look, even if you continue your relationship with him, nothing will change radically in it. Because the main problem has not been solved.

I don’t want to live, I can’t sleep or eat...
Depression accumulated in absolutely everything, every little thing seemed to accumulate, first school, then family difficulties, the mother was alone, the father did not help, it was difficult for her....
Everything was wonderful, but all the time I wanted more and more, I didn’t believe that he loved me, although it was obvious and he constantly talked about it, I drew attention to myself by constantly being offended...

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You are depressed. Your inner “vessel” is empty and you are trying to “fill it” through a relationship with a guy. You want more and more from him, but he is not able to give it to you. Do you think that after restoring your relationship, he will be able to fill you?

24 Feb 2018

Svetlana Sakharchuk, no, I think that he will not change, but I want everything to be as it was, I don’t want to look at anyone else, this is my first love, we have known each other for about 5 years, there were other relationships, but in in the end, I stopped them anyway, because I couldn’t see anyone with me except him, although nothing serious happened then, and now, when we’ve been through so much together, I can’t imagine how to continue to live, do you think we can still will everyone come back? Why is he behaving this way? I’m afraid that our communication just won’t drag on and he won’t be used to such a “relationship”, and in order to solve something, a meeting is needed, which, in my opinion, he seems to be avoiding and afraid of.

24 Feb 2018

DaNatalia199

DaNatalia199, You don’t see what I’m trying to convey to you...

no, I think he won’t change, but I want everything to be as it was

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This does not happen, “the way it was” is what brought you to the situation in which you find yourself.

Do you still think that the main problem is a broken relationship with your boyfriend and ask

Why is he behaving this way?

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And I’m trying to show you that problems in your relationship with your boyfriend are a consequence of your condition and unresolved problems in the family. And until you pay attention to your condition and take care of it, you will not be able to build a relationship with either this guy or others.

Look, I’ll explain it again. You are like an empty mug. And you expect your boyfriend to fill you with something. But he can't do this. He has just enough water for himself. What then do you have left?
Before trying to restore a relationship with him, you should first fill yourself.

Let's take care of your depression.

24 Feb 2018

Svetlana Sakharchuk, I agree. But what should I do if thoughts about this don’t leave me, I can’t even sleep, I’m very tired of all this, I can sleep for an hour or two, wake up, as soon as I think about it, I can’t do anything with myself anymore, sedatives and sleeping pills don't help.

Svetlana Sakharchuk, I would also like to know your opinion on how I should behave with him via correspondence, I understand perfectly well that if I bring up the topic of relationships and that I want to return everything, then nothing good will come of it, it will push him away even more, but and it’s very difficult for me, because I don’t understand who we are to each other. When we meet, is it worth saying that I understand that the reason for all this is my condition and that I did not want to separate at all and said it out of emotion.

24 Feb 2018

DaNatalia199

DaNatalia199, ok, then let’s first sort out your thoughts.
If you try to reduce them to some kind of internal belief or fear or anxiety, then how does that sound to you? How would you put it in one sentence?
"If I lose him, then..."

As for the question about correspondence, I think that there is no need to touch on the topic of your relationship now. You already told him everything before, right? Men don't need to repeat this several times. He most likely thinks about what happened and makes his decision. But you can tell about your feelings, about what you are afraid of or what worries you. The so-called “I-message” that “I’m sad...” “I’m afraid...” “I’m worried...”. Without any expectation of action on his part. Because he makes the decision, not you.

24 Feb 2018

Svetlana Sakharchuk, if I lose him, I will lose myself, I’m scared for my life without him, from the very beginning I made him almost the center of the universe, perhaps this is my mistake. If I lose him, then I will begin to feel apathy for life, he is like a motivation for me, I really don’t know how to explain it all, I would do anything just to have him with me.

Svetlana Sakharchuk, I am a very emotional person, I am very positive, if everything is good and if I am in a company, no one would ever think about what is inside me, they admire me, but as soon as I am left alone with myself, especially after what happened, I I can’t stand it anymore, I’m tormenting myself, my friends don’t even want to hear about him anymore, because for them the only way out is separation and they push me into thinking that I’m supposedly just humiliating myself and that’s all, and he’s me spins. To be honest, I have never said such things about breaking up before and would not have said it if it weren’t for a friend who said that if not now, then this will continue all the time, well, I don’t blame her, I did it on emotions, but I think it was worth telling you about this.

24 Feb 2018

DaNatalia199

DaNatalia199, so this is what I’m writing to you about...

if I lose him, I will lose myself, I’m scared for my life without him, from the very beginning I made him almost the center of the universe, perhaps this is my mistake. If I lose him, then I will begin to feel apathy for life, he is like a motivation for me, I really don’t know how to explain it all, I would do anything just to have him with me.

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You have merged so much with your boyfriend, made him so significant, that you have lost your own personality, “dissolved” in him. Roughly speaking, there is no “you”, there is only him and... Emptiness. Then the question is, with whom should he build relationships? Who is his partner?

Try to take his place:
1) He must now be responsible not only for his life, but also for your life
2) He must be not only himself, but also “you”, because you consider him a part of you
3) He should be the center of the universe for you
Do you think this is a feasible burden for him? Surely he has his own problems in life.

24 Feb 2018

There comes a time in a woman’s life when the relationship with her loved one reaches a dead end and the specter of a breakup takes on real shape. Regardless of who initiates the separation, this is a painful process that every self-respecting woman needs to go through with dignity and survive as quickly and less painfully as possible. Experienced psychologists will tell you how to break up with a man correctly in each specific case.

How to break up with a married man

To a single woman, the love of a married man may at first seem like a gift from God. Tender care, flowers and gifts, his irrepressible passion will turn your head for a while. But time passes, and you begin to realize that his plans do not include creating a family home with you. For him, you are just a pleasant outlet from the painful problems of life, an entertainment that brightens up the everyday course of life. Your attempts to start a conversation with him about marriage are met with a wall of silence or, at best, with promises in which you have already lost faith. If you really dream of family life, then in most cases a relationship with a married man has no prospects. Find the strength to part with a man with a family gracefully.

Reasons for breaking up with a married man

1. It is difficult for men to change their established course and lifestyle. Statistics are stubborn - only 5% of married men divorce their wives, half of whom return to their former families after a while.
2. Dating with you for a married man is a holiday among gray everyday life, a surge of endorphins - the hormones of happiness, an affirmation of one’s importance, attractiveness and masculine strength. You try your best to live up to his ideal in order to win his heart. Now imagine for a moment that you have become his wife. Your relationship will inevitably be affected by the prose of life - there will be a need for your husband to perform duties that are not too pleasant for him. Having experience in family life, your beloved “married man” will think that from a sweet and passionate woman you will turn into a demanding wife. Then what is the point for him to violate the established routine of life and drown again in that “everyday life” from which he came to you?
3. Even if you feel that your lover sincerely loves you, in reality he is deceiving his family and wife, constantly inventing reasons for his delays from work and business trips on weekends. You unwittingly become an accomplice to this lie. Think about it, would you like such a fate for yourself?
4. If he is satisfied with this situation, it means that he is deceiving not only his legal wife, but also you, giving an illusory hope for family happiness. It’s like he’s giving you a handout of time stolen from a family from which he has no intention of leaving.
5. Having enjoyed passionate sex with you, he goes home to fulfill his marital duty with his wife. Are you okay with this? Or you continue to believe the words that he has not made love to his wife for a long time. Believe me, his assurances are far from the truth. It is rare to meet a man who would not be excited by the very idea that two women love him and crave intimate pleasures with him.
6. Please note that every man, when starting a family, spends a lot of effort and money on arranging his home and acquiring material values ​​that create comfort in life. Over several years of family life, he and his wife have accumulated a lot of joint property - an apartment, a summer house, a car, modern household appliances, the division of which during a divorce seems to be a real disaster for him. It’s better for him to leave everything as it is.

6 tips from a psychologisthow to break up with a married man

After weighing all the pros and cons of a relationship with a married lover, you will come to the conclusion that the time has come to break the love chains that have bound you. Getting it right won't be easy. In this case, advice on how to break up with a man – a married lover – is given by a psychologist.

Tip #1

To make this process less painful, you should end the relationship gradually. You need to come to terms with the idea that this person will never leave his family and you will have to separate. So why waste precious time that you have to devote to finding your happiness? Finding that person who will love only you. Gradually do everything to distance yourself from the person close to you: do not take the initiative to meet, call less often, find an excuse to cancel dates. This way you will begin to lose the habit of being close to him, and he will begin to understand that you do not want a further relationship.

Tip #2

Think through all the details of a farewell conversation with your married lover and spend it in a public place. This will become a deterrent to the possible manifestation of a violent reaction from the lover to the breakup. Calmly explain to him that you see no point in continuing the relationship, because the goal of your life is to create a normal family.

Tip #3

After breaking up, don’t let yourself get hung up on the idea that life without him has lost its meaning. Get busy - self-improvement, career, home life, fitness, dancing. The main thing is not to be alone with yourself, but to surround yourself with people. Prepare yourself to meet the one and only person with whom you will create your family nest.

Tip #4

Try to avoid meeting your ex-lover. Don't go to places where you were together and where he likes to go with friends or family. Avoid the street where he lives or works. Even a chance meeting with him can open up unhealed mental wounds.

Tip #5

If your married lover does not want to leave and tries to persuade you to continue the relationship, show persistence by explaining to him that being a simple mistress means not having a cozy family home, a loving husband and not experiencing the joys of motherhood. If he does not see his future legal wife in you, he must understand and let you go.

Tip #6

Perhaps, not having come to terms with the fact that the woman left him, the man will begin to pursue you, not allowing you to live in peace. In this case, meet with him and threaten to tell his legal wife about this. Most likely, he will not want to ruin his relationship with her for various reasons and will stop trying to win you back.

Summary:

When you leave, leave without regretting anything. Don't give him the chance to come back and start over, promising to fix everything. Look for a meeting with a man who strives to be honest in relationships and makes plans for a future life together.

Video about how to properly break up with a married man.

Life presents many surprises and one day, succumbing to weakness, a married woman becomes a voluntary victim of a man’s skillful seduction, and perhaps she herself, by calculation, appears in the role of a seductress. One way or another, love relationships on the side become a reality. For some time you are attracted by the intensity of new feelings, but one day the double life becomes a burden and the understanding that the well-being of the family is your main wealth leads to the thought of breaking off relations with your lover.

The ideal option would be when both lovers come to the understanding that their feelings have lost their former sharpness and have become a “suitcase without a handle,” which is hard to carry, but a pity to throw away. A self-sufficient woman will decide to break up first. And if the lovers are cultured people, the separation will take place calmly, in a civilized manner, without reproaches or threats.

But, unfortunately, this does not always happen. If you still love him or he doesn't want to leave, it's not that easy. A strategy that can help you break up with a man correctly – Psychologists recommend it to lovers. It is based on two main circumstances: the seriousness of your intention to break off relations with your lover and his desire to take this step

How to break up with your lover if you still love him

You often prevent yourself from ending a relationship with your lover when you are unable to overcome your attachment to a person whose meetings brought you joy, happy moments and unforgettable emotions. You are faced with the task of overcoming the second “I” in yourself, overcoming the painful feelings that are holding back the breakup and the irresistible desire to go back after the breakup. Several techniques will help cure the manifestation of chronic love disease.

• A beautiful parting. Let the last heart-to-heart conversation remain in the memory of both. Tell him that after analyzing your relationship, you came to the conclusion that family is most valuable to you. If your lover is a smart, intelligent person, he will accept your decision with restraint. Having thanked him for all the good things that connected you, do not leave any reason to think that the separation is just a game on your part.
• Don't change your mind. Under no circumstances do you look for new meetings, even if this has become a painful ordeal for you. After breaking up, do not answer his calls or emails, remove him from “friends” on social networks, avoid personal meetings and companies where you might meet him.
• Gradual separation. If you still love your lover or your weak character does not allow you to cut the love knot at once, act gradually, reducing the frequency and duration of your dates under various pretexts. This way you will get rid of it faster, and your feelings will cool down sooner.
• Find flaws in your lover. Trying to look at him differently, finding flaws in his habits, paying attention to the constant mess in the apartment, sloppiness in clothes, unkempt appearance when meeting you will help cool down feelings. Attribute his lateness to dates to a lack of true love and respect, and his rare minor gifts to his stinginess. His unpreparedness for a family can also be a reason for breaking up the relationship, especially if you already have children of your own. Having found the flaws, it will be easier for you to take a step towards separation.
• Find a replacement for your relationship. If you are going through a painful breakup, look for a replacement for the positive emotions you received from your romantic dates. Just don’t step on the rake when trying to start a new romance. Look at your husband with a new look, remember how you loved him. Pay more attention to your family, go on a trip together, remember your hobby, forgotten in the days of passion for a forbidden romance, plunge headlong into work.

How to break up with your lover if he doesn't want it

If your lover is distinguished by increased pride and a pronounced possessive instinct, then when parting with him, you may feel his rage, hysteria or unpredictable actions aimed either at keeping you or at avenging the hurt feelings caused by the breakup . The wounded pride of such a lover will hatch plans on how to take more painful revenge on you. Therefore, a woman should act wisely and encourage her counterpart to take the first step towards a breakup. We hope that the following advice from a psychologist will help you.

Tip #1

When breaking up, avoid insulting your lover, his moral qualities and physical shortcomings. When he begins to provoke you, no matter how difficult it is to listen to unpleasant words, muster all your restraint so as not to stoop to his level. Taking pride in your wise behavior will only increase your self-esteem. Let him have the last word. Then the vanity of the abandoned lover will be satisfied, and he will not pursue you in the future.

Tip #2

If your lover has offended you in any way, let this be the reason for breaking up with him. The best option in this case is to disappear from his life. Call him on the phone and tell him that you can no longer meet with him, asking him to forget you forever. You can simply stop all contact without explaining anything if you are sure that he will take it normally and will not take revenge.

Tip #3

Meet less often and act colder than before. During a date, answer outside calls and solve the problems of your household over the phone. Refer to permanent employment. When canceling meetings, be sure to cite various courses, leisure time with your husband and children, or urgent household chores as the reason. Forget to answer his calls and messages. By doing this, let him understand that you can do without him, and he will gradually get used to life without you.

Tip #4

You can provoke him to break off relations with you. Show your dissatisfaction with his behavior, start quarrels over trifles, make impossible demands on him in advance. Turn your relationship into his constant “headache” and over time he will understand that you are not the woman who will make him happy.

Tip #5

If your lover, in order to keep you, threatens to tell your husband about your affair with him, do not give in! After all, having agreed to accept his conditions in response to silence, you will never again receive pleasure from forced communication with him. How to resist blackmail in the fight for family happiness? If your lover is married, then you can threaten to tell his wife about your relationship in the same way. If the family is the lover’s weak point, this option will work, but if both decide to make their forbidden love affair public, it will be a hassle for both.

Consider the psychological type of your lover

When parting with your lover, in order not to “break the woods” and not worsen an already difficult situation, you need to take into account the characteristics of his character and temperament. Psychologists divide people into 4 main distinct psychological types, according to which they have developed a model of behavior when breaking up with lovers.

• Choleric. If a lover has an impulsive and active character, is quick-tempered and is used to getting everything he wants from life, and aggressively endures refusals, then things can even escalate to assault. In this case, act in such a way that he himself makes the decision to break off the relationship. But the wisest thing is not to get involved with such a type at all, so as not to curse yourself and him for the rest of your life.
• Melancholic. He has a neurasthenic character, is very vulnerable, and can create unforeseen problems with his behavior. Such a person should be gradually accustomed to the idea of ​​the inevitability of separation. Refer to remorse in front of your husband and children for cheating, constantly talk about your affection for them. This should work.
• Sanguine. Your lover is a cheerful and balanced person. The easiest way for someone to explain the impossibility of further relationships is to have a heart-to-heart talk during a beautiful romantic dinner. By explaining to him that you are tired of deception and dream of a calm family life, you will find understanding.
• Phlegmatic. Having heard your words about breaking up, he will take it as a given, which he should not try to change. You can leave him “in English” - without saying goodbye, simply disappearing from his field of vision. He is unlikely to find out from you the reason for such an act, he will not start quarrels and look for meetings.

Try to take into account useful tips so as not to remain enemies with your ex-lover, maintain your reputation, and avoid long-term sadness and depression from parting.

Parting with a beloved man is a strong shock that can be difficult to bear with dignity, regardless of what caused the breakup and who initiated it. If partners are prudent people, they will do everything possible to make the separation go smoothly. After which they will disperse in different directions to begin with a clean slate to create their own happiness.

Advice from a psychologist on what to do when you decide to break up

When you begin to notice how the feelings of your beloved man are gradually fading away, which is expressed in rare meetings justified by eternal busyness, his lateness for dates, inattention to your significant dates, successes and indifference, a suspicion arises that he is going to leave you. In this situation, you can accept it and continue the relationship until he leaves you.

But it is best, while maintaining your self-esteem, to take the first step towards a break, so as not to feel abandoned and respect yourself for the character you have shown. By choosing this option, you may encounter the fact that your partner will resort to various ways to return the relationship so as not to feel defeated. If you want to meet true love, do not deviate from your decision and do everything to part with a man beautifully, leaving in your soul not resentments, but memories of the happy moments of your love.

• Control your emotions. Meet and talk with him about your feelings and experiences caused by your life together. Having assessed the emotional state of yourself and your partner, speak calmly, without breaking into elevated tones, so as not to provoke a violent response from him. Try not to hurt his male pride in the conversation, but also don’t get carried away by memories of how good you were together.
• If your beloved man is weak-willed and begins to press for pity, do not give in to his persuasion and excuses. Even if he begins to reproach you for being heartless and callous, do not give in.
• When breaking up, do not leave anything unsaid. If you don't have the moral strength to meet and talk to him alone, send an email or call him and say premeditated words that mean the end of the relationship.
• Don't agree to the last meeting he suggests. Don't think that the last hugs and kisses can radically change the situation. It is better not to reopen heart wounds that have not yet healed. Say that everything has already been said and there is no going back.

When breaking up, keep in mind that the more you keep the situation under your control and follow your goal, the less emotional cost you will endure the separation.

What to do if he initiated the breakup

Your premonitions were confirmed, and your beloved man confronted you with the fact that the time had come to leave. What to do in such a situation, how to break up with your beloved man and survive it, will be suggested by the advice of a psychologist.

To find the strength to survive this misfortune, engage in psychoanalysis.

• Look for the reason within yourself to avoid similar situations in the future. He is not satisfied with your manners, character, tastes or intimacy? Or maybe he’s just not ready for a serious relationship and the whole root of evil is in him. Having understood these points, it will be much easier for you to cope with the breakup.
• Look for flaws in your lover. In fact, he is not the ideal that you made up in your imagination. Having looked at it critically, take a blank sheet of paper and, dividing it into 2 columns, write down all its advantages and disadvantages. After analyzing what was written, you will understand that you have idealized your lover too much. Or, on the contrary, you will understand that you can come to terms with some shortcomings and get used to them, because... the advantages, even if there are not many of them, outweigh.

• Set yourself a time period for missing your loved one, during which you allow yourself to cry. When the time comes to an end, hide his gifts, photographs and things that remind him of him as far from view as possible.
• Share your grief in a mirror or in a journal. This way you can remove the burden of grievances, obsessive thoughts and memories. You can write about your experiences in a diary. Psychologists say that feelings and emotions set out on paper become the past, cease to be a mental burden and are released.
• Cry “in your vest” to a loved one, mom or best friend. Just talk it out - it will ease your soul.
• Release your emotions in a deserted place - scream loudly, cry at the top of your voice. Your grief will become less severe.
• Get involved in a business or career. Sports training, improvement of your apartment or new projects at work will distract you, and the success achieved will give you self-confidence and increase your attractiveness to men.
• Break up your everyday life with holidays. Let it be meetings with friends, parties, travel, visits to museums and concerts, picnics in nature. Allow yourself to buy a new dress or jewelry, get a new hairstyle.
• Accept the end of the love affair. Remove from your head thoughts that begin with the word “if only...” Everything that is not done is for the better!

Time will heal the wounds caused by the rupture. Remember that you are a beautiful, confident, wise woman who will definitely meet a worthy man with whom you will certainly be happy.

Probably the most difficult thing to part with is a man who loves you if your feelings for him have long cooled or have not developed and have become a burden to you. Communication with a loving man brings discomfort into your life. If his love and passion cause suffering, there is no point in trying to convince yourself that you will ever be able to reciprocate. After parting, you will find peace of mind, and life without burdensome love will take on new bright colors.

How beautiful it is to break up with a man who loves you

It is almost impossible to answer this burning question unambiguously. However, a few recommendations that allow you to tactfully say goodbye to a loving person forever, so as not to ruin his future life, can help.

1. Choose a neutral place to announce your decision to separate. Let it be a sparsely populated cafe or park with which your couple does not have pleasant memories. Explain to your partner the reason for the separation without humiliating him. Tell him that the reason lies not in him, but in you. Give reasons why you cannot reciprocate his feelings without getting carried away with examples from life that he may perceive as an accusation against him. Don't try to console him by communicating with kind words, which can give hope for a future together. Your principles in conversation should be firmness and humanity.
2. As you prepare to announce your breakup, rehearse in front of the mirror with a mental picture of your partner. This will give you determination and confidence, help you structure the conversation and not forget the main arguments, no matter what direction the conversation takes.
3. If your partner is proud and considers you his property, it is difficult to predict his thoughts and actions. Be prepared for a strong reaction to the breakup. He will try to keep the woman he is in love with at any cost. Try to remain calm, and without begging his merits, explain why your relationship is doomed to break up.
4. When your partner is a weak-willed person, confident that without you his life will lose meaning, he will press for pity, repeating: “I can’t live without you.” Pleas to give the relationship another chance or threats to commit suicide are not excluded. Try to calmly explain to him that your separation will benefit both of you and will open up new prospects in your personal life. If he really loves you, he will accept the breakup as a necessity.
5. Do not invite a loving man to remain friends. With such a proposal, you risk prolonging the affair and breaking up. Don't give him any illusory hope. A loving man will certainly try to rethink everything you said and repeat attempts to bring you back. This can be long and painful for both of you.
6. After breaking up, ignore all his attempts to continue communication. Do not answer his numerous calls and SMS, remove him from your friends on social networks, do not visit companies and places where you can meet him. Be determined to put an end to your relationship.

The main thing is, having realized that there is no point in stalling for time, if thoughts about leaving have not left your head for a long time, resolutely and honestly tell your loving man about it. Using the advice of a psychologist, you can ease the pain of separation.

How to break up with a man so that he comes back

There are women who believe that all methods are good in the fight for their happiness. If you decide to break up with the man you love so that he understands what a priceless treasure you are that should be treasured or changed habits that you don’t like, you are one of them. When deciding to take such a drastic step, you should develop a strategy and tactics of behavior so as not to lose your loved one forever. After all, it is quite possible that he will choose freedom or prefer another woman to you.

It will be useful for you to know about techniques on how to properly break up with a man so that he comes back. They should be used when you are at least 50% sure that he loves you and wants to return.

• When planning a farewell event, keep in mind that the psychology of men is to remember the last impression. Therefore, in the couple of weeks preceding the day of the breakup, try to be affectionate, gentle, attentive, and behave the way he likes. Surprise him with love passion in bed. After parting, he will remember these wonderful nights, hot hugs, and he will be drawn to return to the environment where he experienced a lot of positive emotions, care, love and comfort.

• How you behave when breaking up and what you say will determine whether he wants to return in the future. Calmly and clearly explain to your loved one what doesn’t suit you about him: in his behavior, lifestyle, habits or attitude towards you. At the same time, let’s understand that we still love him, but the situation that has developed in your relationship does not suit you completely and you see no other way out other than a breakup.

• You can use tactics to distance yourself from your loved one without explaining the reasons. A man may be intrigued by the chill that comes from you, and he will begin to wonder what happened in the relationship. Then he will perceive your claims as an answer to the questions that tormented him. After breaking up, he will try to correct the situation and return.
• You can use a more reliable option to get the man to return. Offer to live without each other for a week or two, thinking over the existing complaints during this time. And after this time, meet, discuss the situation and check your feelings. This time will be enough for the man to get bored and not get used to freedom.

What to do when he leaves and does not return for a long time

Time passes, but he makes no attempt to return, and taking advantage of his freedom, he began an affair with another woman. Are you panicking, what to do next? And your friends tell you disappointing stories about how men break up with women. Calm down and do not attach importance to these stories, because every life case is unique and if you use the recommendations of psychologists, the chances of your loved one returning will be quite high.

• Give your man time to feel an alternative to living without you. It is often difficult to forget a loved one quickly. Even after entering into a relationship with another woman, he will remember the happy moments you gave him in the days before separation and feel guilty. Therefore, sooner or later he will return, and you will be able to “wait like no one else.”
• Show restraint and do not ask your loved one to return. By respecting yourself, you will receive respect from him. Let him breathe in enough of the freedom provided. The paradox is that having received complete freedom, a man will not find it desirable and will not bring joy. He will not want to lose everything that was dear to him.
• Don't show him that you are suffering from his absence. Do not burden your man with meetings and calls. Only well-orchestrated casual meetings are allowed, and calls are made only under a very serious pretext. In this case, he will show attention to you and your problems.
• Meet his friends and become friends with his parents. They can become your reliable assistants and influence the speedy return of the man.

Do not despair. Using the advice of psychologists, after a while you can get your man back. If your carrot-and-stick plan is successful, don't try it again. The man will understand your strategy and if you repeat it, in defiance of you, he may leave and not return.

How to understand that a man wants to break up

Every woman wants to be sure that her beloved man loves her and is afraid of being abandoned. His unexpected departure can cause severe mental trauma to a woman, reduce her self-esteem to a critical level and give rise to many psychological complexes.

In order to be able to fight for your happiness, you need to know how men break up with women, identify in time the signs leading to a breakdown in relationships and develop a strategy for your behavior. The following tips will help you.

Signs indicating separation is inevitable

1. Time spent together is constantly shrinking, the warmth in relationships disappears. If earlier you spent every free minute together, now, citing the “blockage” at work, he avoids spending the evenings together, and on weekends he prefers to go fishing with friends, go help relatives, go to the garage or to work.
2. Decrease communication with you. If earlier he often called you and sent gentle SMS, now he often becomes “temporarily unavailable”, justifying himself by the fact that during work there is no time for “personal” conversations. Knowing that you are worried about not receiving a call from him, nevertheless he does not find the time to answer you. This speaks of his indifference to you and serves as the first “bell” that he wants to break up.
3. Kisses out of politeness and sex out of obligation. When meeting you or leaving, he gives you a “duty” kiss on the cheek. But the worst thing is that more than once you became the initiator of intimacy. This is a weighty argument that you do not evoke the same desire in a man and he wants to break up with you.
4. Reluctance to appear with you in society. He used to take you with him to corporate events and picnics, to parties with friends or to a nightclub. Has he become shy about you or has he found another woman? In order not to lose faith in yourself, try to find out the reason and draw the right conclusion.
5. Disrespect for your opinion. He stopped sharing his problems with you, discussing painful topics in the relationship, and asking for your advice. He doesn’t even try to listen to the answer to his routine question “how are you” and doesn’t notice that you are offended by this attitude.
6. Inattention to details that are important to you. Your man began to forget to congratulate you on a significant event for you: birthday, career advancement. He won’t say that your new hairstyle suits you and won’t notice your new dress. He no longer cared in what form he appeared before you. This indicates that he is no longer interested in you.
7. Provoking a scandal. More recently, love and harmony reigned in your relationship. Suddenly everything you do begins to make him nervous and irritated - you don’t know how to cook, you dress tastelessly, you don’t maintain proper order in the house, you don’t share his hobbies. He constantly focuses attention on your shortcomings and failures, bringing you to scandals and tears. Most likely, with this behavior he prepares the ground for leaving.
8. Increased attention to women. Being next to him on the street, in a store or cinema, you see that without any embarrassment he cannot take his eyes off the women he meets along the way. This is just blatant disrespect for you. What is he trying to achieve with this? Does he want to incite jealousy and provoke a quarrel, or does he make it clear that he is already looking for a replacement for you?
9. No long-term investments. He does not support your idea of ​​renovating your apartment, purchasing household appliances, or going on vacation together, and he is not ready to have children - which means his plans do not include maintaining a long-term relationship with you. In the future, he will not miss the opportunity to leave and not return.

What should a woman do?

If you have noted more than half of these signs in your relationship, the “H” time is probably approaching, when you can hear the words from your beloved man: “We need to break up.” Don't wait for these fatal words. Don't make scandals and don't look for rivals. Don't try to hold him back by force. Tell yourself that you are a self-respecting, strong woman who will not allow you to be in the role of an abandoned victim of love. His behavior finally led you to the idea of ​​leaving him first. Be determined and tell him about it. It will not be easy to survive the separation, but, in any case, the pain from it will be dulled by the knowledge that you did not turn out to be a woman who was treacherously abandoned by the man you loved.

Video about how to break up with a man. When should you do this?

Hello, dear readers! It’s so unpleasant when a guy wants to break up, but he’s fooling you. The girl finds an excuse for his terrible behavior, forgives some of his actions, but he is already somewhere far away. All his thoughts are consumed by the desire to break off the relationship, but he does not find the determination, or perhaps even confirmation, of his own choice. As a result, all this drags on endlessly and drains all your strength.

Today I will tell you how to understand that a man wants to break up with a girl. This is a very common problem. Not everyone is ready for a serious conversation and therefore pushes the woman to leave him herself. In this article I will try to collect all the most common signs that you find yourself in this unpleasant situation and tell you what exactly you need to do now.

Let's start with the most obvious ones, since most often, the guy doesn't hide his true attitude very much. His decision is almost made, but he cannot start a frank conversation.

Minor quibbles

In fact, I think that you are already doing great, you just don’t want to admit it to yourself and therefore are looking for additional confirmation, in the hope that you were mistaken and this is just an unpleasant period that you should just get through.

It all starts, as a rule, with nit-picking. You increasingly dissatisfy the guy, and he openly expresses his dissatisfaction. The reason for a scandal at this moment can be anything - a call made at the wrong time, being late for a meeting, an accidentally thrown phrase. Old grievances and problems that you thought had long ago lost their relevance are increasingly coming to the surface.

After a quarrel, he takes a long time to “recover”, is less willing to make contact, takes longer than usual, humiliated, insulted and inaccessible.

“Accidentally” left evidence

The breakup of a relationship always occurs suddenly. At this moment, people seem to open their eyes to what is happening, although in fact they began to notice something wrong a long time ago. For a long time the young man plays “What am I? I’m okay,” and the girl pretends like nothing is happening.

A man always leaves evidence that indicates a desire to separate. Subconsciously, he wants the deception to be exposed.

In each situation, the evidence may be different, if the main reason for the breakup is another girl, then it could be sudden messages, lipstick marks on a shirt. Most likely it started much earlier. Previously, he carefully tried to get rid of traces of the “crime,” but now he leaves them without a twinge of conscience.

Idiot excuses

If a man wants to break up with you, you come across some evidence of this and ask what the reason is. Most likely the excuses will be the worst. The young man no longer uses up too much of his brain power to...

For example, you find a foreign hair on his shirt, ask how it got there, and he just opens his eyes wide and innocently declares: “It probably fell from the head of the colleague with whom I was riding in the elevator.”

In general, all his excuses become more than strange, and his proposals infuriate him. It's as if you are communicating with a completely different person. Previously, he was a smart strategist, whose every idea inspired and surprised, but now he has become a village fool who does not understand what is good and what is not so good.

Additional signs

I would advise you to pay special attention only to those signs that I have already described above. They are the most significant. You can find more, but I wouldn’t take them seriously and panic. Anything happens in life and it is too early to draw any conclusions based on them. There can be many reasons for this behavior, not necessarily a desire to break up.

However, I will provide some evidence that all is not well in the couple's love life so that you have the full picture.

The man has become more thoughtful and spends more time alone with himself.

If you have been together for many years and always used to walk holding hands, or sit in front of the TV hugging, then now he does not seek physical contact, but stays away.

He stops you or tries to remain silent when you start planning a joint summer vacation or making other plans for the future.

By the way, pay attention to the behavior of his friends when you open these topics. They probably know everything very well. Not everyone can control their emotions: some will lower their eyes in embarrassment, others will frantically start talking about something else. In general, you may notice awkwardness.

Another indicator is that you increasingly have to offer to spend time together: meet with friends, invite someone to visit, organize dinner for relatives. He himself does not show interest or initiative in this. He looks more like a guest at your party.

How to proceed

If you feel that a young man wants to break up with you forever, but you yourself are afraid to start this conversation, then you can try to reach out through his friends, of course, if among them there are those who really know the truth and will reveal it. Unfortunately, or fortunately, male friendship is most often so strong, but you will not achieve anything this way. Nevertheless, I had to say about it, because sometimes this method works.

Of course, the surest way to dot the i’s is to talk frankly with the young man himself. If you want to achieve the truth, then prepare yourself mentally in advance. It is very important.

Sorry, but your young man cannot be called brave. We've already figured this out. You will have to take on this quality, otherwise the situation will not be resolved, and you will remain so.

Never show your own weakness. Tears, reproaches, pleas and other similar things will give him the opportunity to justify his behavior and leave everything as it is for an indefinite time. Be strong.

Tell the man directly that you have begun to notice signs in him that he wants to break up. Show that you are ready for this and if this is his desire, then you are ready to discuss everything.

Perhaps you don't want to break up. You don't have to agree, but you need to talk about this issue. Things can't go on like this. Approach the issue decisively and try to speak reasonedly, without trying to use feminine tricks, tricks and unnecessary emotions. There is no need to play on his feelings and... May this conversation be productive for both of you. Honesty is what matters now.

I can advise you Irina Chesnova’s book “Secrets of pleasure and happiness in life together.” You don’t need to be afraid of loneliness, you need to be afraid to live your whole life with a person who doesn’t want it, but is afraid to be frank with you.

That's all for me. See you again and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.

Maxim Vlasov

How to break up with a guy

Parting without a quarrel is forever. Without quarreling, it is impossible to make peace.

Ilya Shevelev

Greetings, dear readers and especially female readers. In this article, I decided to touch upon a topic that is perhaps not very popular, but nevertheless quite interesting and important for some people. We will talk about how to break up with a guy with whom a girl wants to break off relations, but does not know how best to do it. Why is this topic important? The fact is that there are such cases, and I sometimes have to deal with them in my work, when girls come across very annoying guys with whom it is quite difficult to break off relations. Such a guy, if a girl decides to break up with him, can begin to stalk her, blackmail her in every possible way, threaten her or beg her to stay with him, putting pressure on her psyche. These situations, although rare, are very unpleasant and sometimes quite dangerous. After all, some guys, because of their hot blood, can do a lot of stupid things and harm a girl because of her desire to break up with them. Therefore, you need to break up with some guys very carefully and very competently, so as not to face negative consequences. I will tell you how this can be done in this article.

I want to say right away that if you, dear girls, see that your boyfriend is, let’s say, not entirely balanced and can be extremely aggressive if he is denied something, you don’t need to try to break up with him in standard ways. All these: “We need to break up” and “Let’s remain friends” or “I have another guy”, “We are not suitable for each other” and so on - are not suitable. And even more so, you should not break off relations with a guy over the phone or by mail, because this can cause an extremely negative reaction in him, which may lead to no one knows what. And you don’t need to explain anything to your boyfriend if he doesn’t want to hear anything. There are people with whom you can communicate, to whom you can say something and be sure that they will hear you. And there are people who do not understand words and do not hear their interlocutor at all during a conversation. Now, if your boyfriend is like that, you don’t need to talk to him. In short, if he is a fool who does not understand what is being said to him, do not talk to him. There is no need for all these serious conversations or heart-to-heart conversations with those who cannot, because they do not want to hear others. Don’t waste your time and nerves on this, and don’t bother your boyfriend again, so that he doesn’t start pestering you. But this is relevant in the case when, as I already said, your boyfriend does not want to hear you, when he does not understand the words. So evaluate your boyfriend properly to find out whether you can break up with him normally or not. If not, then read on, I will tell you what to do.

Different guys behave differently when a girl wants to break up with them. Some people understand everything perfectly and part with girls without any problems, because they are confident in themselves, know their worth and are not going to force anyone to date them. You won't be nice by force. And there are guys who begin to shed tears, snot, begin to beg the girl not to leave them, and so on. Such guys look quite pathetic, because they have very low self-esteem and are afraid of being left alone. And there are also guys who react extremely aggressively to a girl’s desire to break up with them and can begin to cause her big problems. They can blackmail the girl, put pressure on her, threaten her. And if a girl leaves such a guy, he may then begin to take revenge on her. And sometimes such revenge turns out to be very cruel. In general, you understand that problems with such guys can be very serious. By the way, often those guys who first shed tears and blow snot, after the girl leaves them, begin to take revenge on them. It is from all this disgrace that I want to save you, dear girls. Therefore, I repeat, the first thing you need to do is find out whether your boyfriend is an adequate person. And if you see that he is not adequate, that you may have problems when breaking up with him, do not break up with him in the usual ways. Break up with him the way I suggest you do.

So, there are several ways to quickly and ethically get rid of people you are not interested in, but they all have their drawbacks. Therefore, I will not talk about them now. And there is a very reliable and repeatedly tested, including in my practice, method of breaking up, in which in the vast majority of cases you are guaranteed to break up with any person, be it a guy or a girl, without negative consequences for yourself. That is, no one will beg you to stay, no one will threaten you, no one will blackmail you into staying, in general, everything will go very smoothly, without a hitch, and everyone will be happy.

To show you the effectiveness of this method, let me start a little from afar. I want you to understand the very essence of this method and be convinced of its effectiveness. Then you can use it without any problems. So, you want to break up with a guy, but the guy doesn’t really want it, or perhaps doesn’t want it at all, and at the same time he’s not entirely adequate, and you know this, which means you may have problems when breaking up with him. Therefore, you need to part with him in such a way that this person disappears from your life forever and never again bothers you or interferes with your life. To understand what you need to do for this, I suggest you imagine yourself in the place of your boyfriend with whom you want to break up. Let's assume that you have met a very handsome, very interesting, very smart and very good guy from your point of view, with whom you feel very good together, so good that you cannot even imagine life without him. And suddenly, at one fine moment, he decides to break up with you, no matter for what reason. Imagine how you will feel when you find out about this? Probably not very good, do you agree? And if you also fell head over heels in love with this guy, or you simply don’t want to lose him because he is dear to you, or you are afraid of being alone, then you will probably try in every possible way to keep him close to you, including, perhaps, through blackmail and even threats. Well, or with the help of persuasion and tears. You know better. In short, you won't want to break up with your guy. And this is your desire - this is the essence of the problem, both for him, if he wants to break up with you, and for you, if you don’t want this. Desire is what it's all about. We do not want to lose what is dear to us, what we consider valuable to ourselves.

Now let's imagine another scenario in which this guy, whom you really like, gradually begins to behave in such a way that you become not very comfortable around him, or you can even say that you are disgusted to be around him. This is possible, right, if the guy changes. That is, this guy may become a person who is unpleasant and not interesting to you. For example, and this is a very good example, he may begin to behave like a complete squalor. Let's say he smells bad, looks terrible, dresses ugly, constantly whines, complains about life, about various problems, including financial ones, in general, he will turn into the kind of guy that girls usually don't like. Imagine what will happen to your feelings for him? They will start to change, right? And definitely not for the better. Your interest in this guy will begin to disappear. And if he also tells you about some illness that he was diagnosed with, let’s say it is some illness that imposes restrictions on his sex life, then this will make an even stronger negative impression on you. Thus, your attitude towards him will begin to change, of course, for the worse. And ultimately what will happen is that you will leave him. In most cases this is exactly what happens. We usually leave people who are not interesting to us, problematic people, people with whom we are uncomfortable. Now imagine that this is exactly what he needed, and that all his terrible behavior and appearance was his game, which he played with one single goal - to break up with you. And he will be able to do this if you yourself decide to break up with him. I emphasize: decide for yourself. That's what's important. As a result, no scandals, no tears, no blackmail, no threats, no persecution and other disgrace - you yourself will run away from him and will be glad that you will never see him again. After all, you need a normal guy, and not God knows who. Thus, his goal of breaking up with you will be achieved. And you will simply find yourself another guy who is normal from your point of view. And everyone will be happy. This is exactly what I offer you, talking about how to properly break up with a guy if he doesn’t want it himself. You need to make sure that your boyfriend decides to break up with you. And here again we are talking about desire, but about a different desire - about a desire that suits you, which you need to evoke in your boyfriend.

Therefore, in order to break up with a guy so that he does not cling to the relationship with you and does not blackmail you in any way, you need to achieve only one thing - for him to leave you. Well, or in any case, so that he doesn’t mind breaking up with you. That's the whole trick, if you like, with parting. This method is guaranteed to help you get rid of a guy without any negative consequences. After all, it will be his decision, not yours, based on his desire, although you will be interested in him. This is the essence of an effective and relatively trouble-free breakup with a guy. Why relative? Because guys are different, you need to adapt to some of them in a certain way in order to make them disgusted with yourself, so that they decide to break up with you. The main thing, remember, is that you need to ensure that the person leaves you, or is not against breaking up with you, because of your behavior, appearance, because of your problems, then everything will be clean and smooth. It’s difficult for me to say anything about the ethics of such an approach to breaking up, because then everything will depend on the methods by which you will make the guy disgusted with himself. And they can be different. In some cases, it is enough to become a very unscrupulous girl, in others too bitchy, in others frivolous, in others very ugly, and so on. You can combine negative qualities and character traits in yourself, behaving in such a way that the guy starts to feel sick of you, for better effectiveness. In this matter, it is desirable, and sometimes necessary, to start from your boyfriend’s preferences in order to become for him exactly the kind of girl whom he will stop loving and appreciating, and will begin to feel disgusted with her, that is, one who will not be interesting to him at all and not needed. Then he will quickly leave you behind. This method of breaking up with problem guys works great.

By the way, a guy can just as well break up with a girl, which I already mentioned above, if he sees that she doesn’t want to let him go and is holding on to him in every possible way. He can change so much for a while that she herself will happily leave him. Girls don't like all guys, and they don't like some guys at all. They especially don’t like guys who are insecure, whiny, overly modest, too shy, complex, as well as seemingly flawed, weak and depressed. It is these guys who, as a rule, have problems with girls - they cannot find anyone for themselves, since many girls do not want to date them. They should turn to a psychologist for help to solve their problems with girls and not only with girls, but also with themselves, but many of them, unfortunately, do not do this. Well, for those guys who have problems with girls of a different kind, that is, those who want to break up with them nicely and without unnecessary problems, all they have to do is play the role of an unattractive guy well and the job will be done - the girl will leave such a guy on her own. So in this sense, this method of separation is universal. Sometimes, however, this approach to breaking up may take some time, which will be required to make the person disgusted with himself, but this person will leave you on his own and you most likely will not have any problems with him in the future.

This is how you can break up with a guy who doesn't want to break up with you on good terms. Of course, in each individual case it is possible, and sometimes necessary, to choose a special way of influencing the guy so that he himself decides to leave you. But you can also use the most common methods, which I wrote about above, to discourage a guy from interested in you. Think about what you can do for this directly in your case. If you can’t come up with anything suitable to force the guy to break up with you, well, then contact me for help - we’ll think about this problem together. The main thing is don’t get into trouble, don’t quarrel with your boyfriend, don’t irritate him, don’t make him aggressive by insisting on breaking up the relationship if he doesn’t want it. Otherwise, you never know what will happen. Young blood is hot blood, how many stupid things people do because of unrequited love. I've encountered this more than once, so I know what I'm talking about. Act more cunningly, and then everything will be fine, you will get what you want, without unnecessary problems.