Gynecologist: Pakistani women claim that they get pregnant from stones. Pakistani women break stereotypes (15 photos) Pakistani men are like in love
Maria Mogol, 42of the year,
Fitness Instructor, Hyderabad, Pakistan
“I was philosophical about the need to wear a headscarf on the street: astronauts on the Moon wear a spacesuit...”
“My Planet” asks questions to Russian-speaking residents of different countries of the world. In this material, Maria from St. Petersburg tells how she managed to retrain from an accountant to a fitness instructor and how life works in Pakistan.
We came to Pakistan in 2010, “try to live” in my husband’s homeland. Our daughters were already school age, 9 and 6 years old, and we were both unsure whether they would be able to adapt to the new environment.
Education here is conducted in English and Urdu. And later I had to learn Arabic and Sindhi, the language of the province in which we live.
The winters here are very warm. Hyderabad is located in the south of Pakistan, in the Sindh province, three and a half hours drive from Karachi and the Arabian Sea coast. In the winter months there is +25 °C during the day and +8-10 °C at night, and in summer the daytime temperature reaches +45-50 °C.
Pakistanis have closets literally bursting with clothes. This surprised me very much: it’s warm! But when we spent the summer here, it immediately became clear why. In the heat, you have to change three or even four suits a day, taking a shower before that, of course.
Schools start earlier in the summer from 7:30 (regular schedule: 8:00-13:00). Clerks work according to the usual schedule throughout the world. But private shops open only after two o'clock in the afternoon - however, they are open until late. We save ourselves with air conditioners and fans. Even open restaurants have these.
There is no beach holiday as such. A trip to the coast in Pakistani style (if such a miracle happens) is a villa with a swimming pool and individual access to the sea. But you can only swim with clothes on. The water in the sea is very salty, so there is little pleasure. Sunbathing is also not accepted: it is believed that the lighter the skin, the more beautiful. Standard beach activities include riding a camel along the shore and all kinds of street food: fried crabs and other seafood.
Hyderabad is not a tourist city although it is the third largest in Pakistan and there is a lot to see here. In the old part of the city is the Shahi Bazaar (Royal Bazaar), one of the largest in Asia. And our city is famous throughout Pakistan for its bracelets made of glass.
At first everything was unusual for us: climate, architecture: one- or two-story cottage houses, narrow streets, not particularly clean. There was not enough space and greenery.
The people here are very hospitable. They love to treat, they love to visit and receive guests, and they greet them with a smile at any time of the day.
According to Islam, guests are angels in our home. When they visit us, they fill the house with light, and when they leave, they take away negative energy from the house. In Pakistan people go to visit not by invitation, but just because. And even if you unexpectedly came for a visit, and the owners were about to leave for their own business, then business will be postponed, and you will certainly be treated to tea with milk. Therefore, Pakistanis are very surprised that in Russia we so rarely meet with friends and relatives and always “invite” them to visit.
Traditionally, Pakistanis live as one big family, young people with elders. The appearance of a daughter-in-law in a family is a big event. And if she is a foreigner, this is generally exotic. All attention is on her. How will it show itself? What can he do? How will you get along with everyone? If this is the eldest daughter-in-law (the wife of the eldest brother), then how will she manage the household? Will her mother-in-law trust her with this matter? Family hierarchy in Pakistan is a very serious matter. Each family member has their own special names, which reflect seniority. The younger ones strictly obey the elders. It was the same with us, however, now we live in a European way, separately, and not in a house, but in an apartment.
Nobody wears a burqa here. In large cities, most women dress almost European-style. If a woman is without a scarf on her head and in relatively open clothes, of course, this is not particularly welcome, but there are no social prohibitions on this matter. It all depends on the traditions of a particular family.
/www.moya-planeta.ru/templates/images/a_styles/blockquote_2.png" target="_blank">https://www.moya-planeta.ru/templates/images/a_styles/blockquote_2.png); line- height: 30px; letter-spacing: 0.05em; background-position: left top 50px; background-repeat: no-repeat;">Pakistani women have no idea about sports. Most schools don't even have physical education classes. Boys at least play cricket, but girls don’t even have that.
But this is still a man's world. There are 90% of them on the streets. At the market or in shops, both sellers and buyers are only men. And if you need to buy underwear, then your husband goes shopping. True, recently special departments have begun to appear in supermarkets, where entry is only for women.
I was philosophical about the need to wear a headscarf on the street: Cosmonauts on the Moon wear a spacesuit... It’s impossible to get there without it. In Pakistan, too, you can’t live without a scarf on your head.
I don’t have any qualifications as a fitness instructor. In St. Petersburg for many years I went to shaping, aerobics, step, pool... That's all the training. In Pakistan, she simply went to the beauty salon closest to her home and offered her services. Somehow she explained in a crooked way that I can make fitness for women... And they told me: yes!
People come to fitness to lose weight. And urgently. It’s best if in a couple of lessons: “Help! I'm getting married in a week! Make me lose weight urgently!!!” But the majority, like myself, come more for the sake of communication, since the classes are group.
I once told my clients that I cook oatmeal for breakfast. They begged me for the recipe, and then for another six months they asked why their porridge didn’t work out.
In the sauna after fitness, all the girls are sitting in their clothes. I didn’t understand before why they were always dressed, but now, on the contrary, it seems to me that they are right. Why show your nakedness to everyone?! Recently, one client came in and was horrified: “You have naked people here!” And this was me wearing a sleeveless T-shirt...
Pakistani women have no idea about sports. Most schools don't even have physical education classes. Boys at least play cricket, but girls don’t even have that.
The school holds a sports day once a year. This is something between a carnival, a parade and fun starts. Moreover, participation in it is paid, so not everyone can even afford this sport event.
Kean Eng Chan
Our school is coeducational, but boys and girls sit in different classes. True, there are several common subjects: computers or chemistry, for example. But there are also schools where boys and girls study together. Of course, everyone has a special interest in our daughters, even the teachers. They are interested in how they study in Russia, what schools are like, what fashion is like.
The dream of every Pakistani parent is for their daughter to become a doctor. The teaching profession is popular. Announcers and television presenters are also often women. Many people work from home: they give culinary master classes, sew to order, open their own small “beauty salons”... They allocate one room for this and work. There are a lot of design and computer literacy courses here. Tutoring is very developed. In general, one should not think that a woman in Pakistan is such a downtrodden creature who sees nothing, knows nothing and cannot... If only there was a desire, as they say.
Pakistan is a country of contrasts. Luxury and poverty exist side by side. Someone is driving a Pajero, and nearby donkeys in a harness are transporting furniture.
The hardest thing was to accept a lifestyle without race and haste. Here women have more household chores and have to spend a lot of time in the kitchen. It’s not a burden for me; I love cooking.
/www.moya-planeta.ru/templates/images/a_styles/blockquote_2.png" target="_blank">https://www.moya-planeta.ru/templates/images/a_styles/blockquote_2.png); line- height: 30px; letter-spacing: 0.05em; background-position: left top 50px; background-repeat: no-repeat;">I miss black coffee and aromatic tea. And more greenery outside the window
No one here worries about diet. The cuisine is the same as in India: spicy, fatty food, seasoned with sauces. But delicious! I really like pilaf biryani and chicken meatballs in white sauce. And, of course, vegetables in all their diversity. There are three types of cucumbers, two types of spinach, regular and white eggplants, and three or four types of zucchini.
"> " alt="“The Other Pakistan”: the life of a free woman in an unequal country">!}
August 14 is the day of liberation of Pakistan, in 1947 this state became independent. The same cannot be said about more than half of the female population of this unequal country. Babr publishes a photo project by Zohra Bensemra that opens our eyes to a very different Pakistan than we are used to seeing: closed in its rules, plagued by conflict and unstable due to the volatile border region between Pakistan and Afghanistan, which for many years was a “paradise” for terrorists. groups.
If we take into account the position of women in society, Pakistan is a very heterogeneous country. Pakistan is the only state in the Muslim world where a woman - Benazir Bhutto - was the head of government for a long time.
Despite this, in most parts of the country, women cannot even leave the house without the permission of their husband or family members. Violence based on family honor kills around 1,000 women every year in Pakistan. And in the ranking of the most dangerous countries for women to live in, Pakistan ranks third.
A few words about the traditions of Pakistan
All Pakistanis wear the national dress “shalwar kameez” - this is a long shirt and bloomers; for women, shalwars, a dress and a scarf are mandatory. In families with even stricter traditions (Pashtun), women are required to wear a black headscarf and a long black dress.
Girls get married before the age of 18, taking a dowry with them. This fact often becomes a heavy burden for parents - for many years they may not be able to pay off their debts.
In Pakistan, a woman is only concerned with children and family, even with higher education, or if her husband studied abroad. Communication of wives with compatriots or other foreigners is not encouraged.
Breaking female stereotypes
On the other hand, in big cities there is a segment of the population in which women, along with men, are involved in completely different professions - from teaching Pilates to entrepreneurship. These women strive to create a completely different way of life, at least for themselves.
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Pilates instructor. She opened her fitness studio in Lahore after training in Bangkok. Her studio provides rehabilitation training for people with joint problems, as well as specialized training for pregnant women.
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Zainab Abbasa (right) in her free time
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Interior designer. She has her own company.
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Zahra instructs her employee - a carpenter
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Using a grinder, Zahra makes a guitar sculpture out of stone near Classic Rock Coffee. Her latest creative project involves designing the interior for this establishment in Islamabad.
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
In her free time from work, Zahra enjoys playing sports - kickboxing.
In the photo: Zahra during training in Islamabad
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
She runs a textile retail company called So Kamal. It is essentially a family business because the company is owned by her mother. Erum Ahmed is the chief executive officer of this company. She started her business in 2011. Its policy is to encourage women to work for the company, which is based in the conservative city of Faisalabad.
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Alina in the bedroom of her house in Lahore
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Alina Raza with her son Ryan
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Educator and model Fatima (right) at her home in Lahore. Fatima is the CEO of Beaconhouse School System, a chain of private schools founded by her mother-in-law.
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Fatima walks past the swimming pool after working out at her gym at home in Lahore
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Nadiya Manzoor (center), director of the Treehouse kindergarten, with her husband Omar and son Zidaanem at their home in Islamabad.
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Treehouse Kindergarten in Islamabad, run by Nadiya Manzoor
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Ansa Hasan at work during negotiations about an upcoming car exhibition
Ansa heads the marketing department of the world renowned Porsche in Pakistan.
Photo: ZOHRA BENSEMRA
Ansa plays with a parrot at his home in Lahore
: Married to a Pakistani man living in Canada. Maybe I'm just too demanding? How long can I wait for my prince?!
Dear Olga!
I have read a lot of letters coming to you. These letters, your comments and comments from readers have helped and are helping me understand a lot, helping me understand myself and my feelings, my relationship to certain issues. Thank you and your readers. The moment has come and I would like to know the opinions of other women regarding my situation.
At this moment, when I am writing this text, I must respond to the letter from “my foreigner.” But I can’t bring myself to do it, because I’m confused in my feelings. I don't know what to write to him. My background is like this.
I won't tell my whole life. I’ll just say: I’m 27, they give me 20, when I pick up my son from school, they confuse me with a schoolgirl :) As you might guess, I’m divorced. For almost five years I was looking for “my” man in my city. There was no shortage of male attention, but the attitude of men towards me was this: at first they die of love and, no matter what, they want to be with me, but time passes and they think about the future. And then they understand that I am too “difficult” for them: a child, a “divorcee”, etc.. Then I went, as my mother says, “to the international level” :)
For a long time I couldn’t even start correspondence with anyone. A couple of letters and that's it. Everything was “wrong”. Then I saw a man who was pleasant at first glance: photo, profile... Financial consultant, lives in Canada, short :) (I’m 154 cm). I wrote a letter. In response - a long letter in perfect English! Talk about yourself, your desires, opinions. I was delighted. A correspondence began. About life, about plans, even about politics and Russian literature:) Many thoughts, opinions, assessments coincided. But there was one moment that bothered me a little: he, as it turned out, was Pakistani by nationality. He studied at the university in America and works as a financial consultant in a company. But his family, his parents, are in Pakistan. He has neither American nor Canadian citizenship. If I had known this, I would not have even started corresponding with him. Well, somehow I didn’t plan to connect my life with a Pakistani. But his letters were too good. So I closed my eyes to it. Moreover, he invited me to Canada, and not to Pakistan. He said this: it will be easier for us to obtain citizenship together when we get married. That’s why he didn’t apply; he wanted to get married first. After a month of daily correspondence (of text - three or four word pages in 12 font! Novels!), he can’t stand it. He says we need to meet. We decide to meet in Turkey, because it is difficult for Asians to get to Russia. It takes more than two months to storm the OVIR. This cannot be done with a tourist visa, only a guest or business visa. This is where it all begins.
He sends $500, I get a foreign passport in a week and buy a ticket to Istanbul from a travel agency. I had some doubts about this... I think I heard somewhere that it is difficult for unmarried girls under 30 to get to Turkey... I asked the travel agency, they told me - everything is fine! I ask my friends, they reassure me: fly! This is how it is in the Emirates. Okay, I’m flying... And they don’t let me in at the border... They take me somewhere in silence, they take me somewhere, they don’t speak English, they don’t answer my questions. There were two of us, another girl flew to her sister, who is married to a Turk. In short, we find ourselves on the same plane we arrived in and fly to our hometown. I'm hysterical. Once at home, I send a fax to the hotel where we planned to meet my friend. He is also in a panic. Finds an Internet cafe, we decide what to do next. He said we need to save our vacation, because otherwise he will lose a lot of money: he booked one hotel in Istanbul, one in Alanya. Can't cancel the reservation because I ordered online. I thought I was deported from Turkey for five years. But the next day I called all the embassies and consulates both in Turkey and Moscow that I could find (I’m terrified of waiting for the phone bill). I found out that I can easily fly to another airport, but I need $3000!!! I tell him this. He persuades his bank to transfer me $2000. I was once again surprised by his gullibility. I could just be a swindler! And he held on very steadfastly, despite his cold and high fever. Although he whined a little :) Well, who wouldn’t whine in such a situation?!
I decided to go straight to Antalya on a last-minute tourist package. There was very little time for all this. I didn’t have my own money either. But on the other hand, I discovered so much moral and physical strength in myself that I could never have imagined!
I don’t have time to get his money, I borrow 1000 dollars from my friends for a trip and a flight to Moscow. This time everything went smoothly and we are finally dating. On the same day, my parents informed me that the money had finally arrived in my account :) Hurray.
(About the money: then I transferred the remaining amount of money back to him, somewhere around $1000. He asked for it back, explaining that he was saving this money to buy a good car. In total, my trip cost him $1500, I'm not even talking about his expenses! It was a very expensive meeting. He told me about this all the time. In Turkey itself, we lived very economically, we bought almost nothing except one-day tours: rafting and a yacht for 10 euros each. comment on this).
This was some background so you can understand me better. I hope that you have read this far :) Now I come to the description of the meeting itself and the issue that worries me now. Due to all the difficulties and problems we had to overcome, we became unnaturally close. We hugged when we met and didn’t let each other go until the end of our vacation. But now, having arrived in my city and after some time has passed, I seem to be a little exhausted... Now I can evaluate everything from the outside, unbiased. I think about this constantly, because I have to spend my whole life with this person... And with horror I understand that I am not ready to marry him!
Yes, I would also like to describe the situation in which I am now. He is now in Pakistan, caring for his sick father. Due to this, he cannot come to me. He plans to fly to America for work at the end of December, and then to Calgary in early January. In Canada, he plans to study at university and get a doctorate (he explains this by the fact that in his old age he wants to teach). But due to the poor health of their parents, these plans may be disrupted. Now he is at a crossroads: to fulfill his filial duty and remain to care for his elderly parents and forget about his doctorate forever, or to give up everything and build his own life (I’m a little surprised, because he also has a brother and a sister, but as he explains, they have have their own families and are not able to stay with their parents). He began asking me if I was ready to come to Pakistan with my son. And if not, does this mean a break in our relationship? I'm telling him for now that I can't make this decision. Although I never wanted to live in this country, I think you can see why. The second option is that he still goes to Canada, but then we will meet only in May. And at this very moment we must get married so that my son and I can freely come to him as a student’s wife. But I'm not ready for such a turn! I would like to see him in everyday life, I want him to see how I live! But this is impossible in our situation.
A lot of things also scare me and make me think and worry a lot. The state of his health scares me: he admitted to me only a couple of days ago that he seriously injured his neck while playing tennis, and before we met he was wearing a special collar. Now the pain has returned, and he lay in bed for two days and could not move. He says it's just a muscle strain, no bone damage. He also pulled his leg badly and it hurts to step on it very often. He injured his hand and cannot grasp heavy objects with this hand. But he received these injuries recently and hopes that this will all go away in the near future. Okay, that's not a problem.
The second thing I think about is, of course, his wealth. He assures me that he has worked hard and saved enough to provide for his family. He will also have a good stipend and will continue to work interactively with his clients, but he will have very little time for this, perhaps only at night.
Okay, no problem (but in the period after the meeting, my friends already quit their jobs, intensively attended foreign language courses and some other professional courses in order to find a good job abroad. And all this, of course, with their own money I’m now torn between work, a first-grader son and parents who are going through a very, very unfavorable period in financial matters. I can’t even dream about courses, I just can’t handle them, both in terms of time and financially. he is very far from perfect. He knows all this very well).
Third, he is Pakistani. But I came to terms with this a long time ago, he is quite handsome :) Fourth, he wants children, two of them, and as soon as possible. He refers to his age - 42 years old, and to the favorable period: while he is studying and I am settling into a new country, the children will grow up and be more mature when we receive citizenship. Do not know what to say. I wouldn't rush into it... But he doesn't think so.
I really respect this man, to whom I have become incredibly close, for his mind, for his intelligence, for his trust and kindness.. But there is another feeling that I have lost and which I cannot bring myself to evoke in myself: this is love. Now I can’t even tell him on the phone: I miss you, I kiss you, I love you.. Because this is not true. And he literally demands it. In every letter he asks me why I don’t write anything about my love for him and the fact that I want to be with him. But by nature, I very rarely express my feelings in words. And now it just annoys me... I can’t help it.
But love is a feeling that requires a lot of work... I understand that too. And maybe I'm just too demanding? How long can I wait for my prince?!
I'm confused. Help!!! Dear women, please advise me something. I listen to every piece of advice now. But I also understand that I must draw the conclusion myself.
P.S. What about my opinion? But let it remain mine, you still can’t change it. If anyone is interested, voila, to my e-mail:[email protected] . Let's give Olga more time to create creative material or urgent answers to questions that do not require delay, like mine, for example.
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Parveen in the photo hails from the Federally Administered Tribal Areas (FATA) region. She says that she wants to change the image of women from this region and that nothing is impossible for a woman if she sets herself a goal. Although Pakistan remains unstable and socially conservative in many areas, some of the country's wealthier residents work for the fashion industry and lead very different lifestyles. Photos of men and women involved in all kinds of activities and professions - from Pilates instructors to textile retail entrepreneurs to rock band members - offer a different perspective on a Pakistan often known only from wars in the news.
1. Climber Nazia Parveen descends from a cliff during training, Islamabad, February 15, 2014.
Climber Nazia Parveen (right) jokes with her coach Imran Junaidi during her training session in Islamabad on February 15, 2014. Parveen is from the FATA region. She wants to change the perception of women from this region and believes that nothing is impossible for a woman if she has a goal.
3. Ansa Hassan, marketing manager at Porsche Pakistan, gestures as she prepares for an upcoming event at the Porsche show in Lahore on February 21, 2014.
4. Ansa Hassan, marketing manager for Porsche Pakistan, plays with a parrot at her home in Lahore on February 21, 2014.
Interior designer Zahra Afridi uses a circular saw to create a guitar sculpture out of stone outside Classic Rock Coffee in Islamabad on March 8, 2014. Afridi runs her own interior design company. Classic Rock Coffee in Islamabad is her latest project.
Interior designer Zahra Afridi (right) practices kickboxing at her home in Islamabad on February 10, 2014. Afridi runs her own interior design company.
7. Interior designer Zahra Afridi (left) talks to a carpenter in a workshop on the outskirts of Islamabad on February 10, 2014.
8. Alina Raza reads a book in her bedroom, Lahore, May 29, 2014. Raza runs a company that retails textiles under the brand "So Kamal". The company is owned by her mother Erum Ahmed.
Erum Ahmed, chief executive officer (CEO) of So Kamal textiles company, talks to workers during a visit to the plant in Faisalabad, February 25, 2014. Ahmed began producing textiles under her brand three years ago. She encourages women to work for her company, based in the conservative city of Faisalabad.
10. Sara (left) and her brother, artist Usman Ahmed (2nd from right), smoke a hookah while meeting with friends at their home in Islamabad on May 8, 2014.
Pilates instructor Zainab Abbas (right) smokes an afternoon cigarette while sitting with a friend at a cafe in Lahore on February 19, 2014. Abbas opened Route2Pilates fitness studio in Lahore after training in Bangkok, Thailand. She provides rehabilitation training for people with joint problems, as well as specialized training for pregnant women.
Sana Mir, captain of the Pakistani women's cricket team, trains in preparation for the World Twenty20 international cricket competition in Muridke, February 22, 2014. Sana was an engineering major at a national university but left to pursue her passion for cricket.
13. Educator and model Fatima (right) dials a number on her mobile, while a domestic worker from the Philippines stands next to her with a glass of water, Fatima's home in Lahore, May 28, 2014. Fatima is the CEO of PDLC Beaconhouse, and her stepmother is founder of the Beaconhouse school system (a network of schools).
Fatima walks past the swimming pool at her home gym at the end of her work day in Lahore on May 28, 2014. Fatima is the CEO of PDLC Beaconhouse.