Photo: Tatiana Gladskikh/Rusmediabank.ru

Let's talk about family, priorities and barbarians. I will tell you about my view on raising boys. And I’m sure only a few will agree, but I hope that someone will think about it.

Correctly set priorities are societies and states. If the values ​​are adequate, then success is predictable. But a misalignment can ruin everything. And you should start looking for problems with your family. So let's think about it - what are your priorities?

Majority opinion

Today, the center of the universe of most mothers is their children. How often when communicating with young mothers, I detect in their words concern, concern for the kids, but at the same time almost complete indifference to the man. Think about it, who is more important to you – your child or your husband? I don’t force you to choose, you don’t need to give up on anyone, just analyze - who occupies your thoughts more often?

And now the next experiment, after you have answered the first question, who is more important - you or the person you chose in the last paragraph?

Everyone will have their own result. But most often I observe the following picture: the most important person is the child, the second most important person is the woman herself, and in last place is the man. Surprisingly, the child often comes first alone, even if there are several of them in the family. But with many children, the man is still lower than the rest.

Is this right or wrong? How should things really be? Let's figure it out.

Historical features

Humanity has lived in peace for several million years. During this period, natural instincts and rules were formed that helped to survive. The family was formed a long time ago, and its components were a man, a woman and children. But family well-being in the era of ancient people directly depended on the protector. The man protected his cell from animals, other men, and natural disasters. He, of course, also brought food, but the woman and children could collect something themselves to survive. But they could not fully defend themselves.

What kind of families were there? The main thing remained the man himself. The woman understood that if she died, then who would take care of her children? And every person instinctively values ​​himself above others. The second place in the family hierarchy was occupied by the man. He must be healthy, strong, well-fed. Without him, the existence of the family was jeopardized, the likelihood of survival was very low. Well, then there were children in the chain. High mortality, frequent childbirth and many other factors reduced the value of babies. This does not mean that they were loved less. But there was logic - if a child dies, you can give birth to another one. If a man dies, it is unlikely that all the other children and the woman with them will survive.

The example is rough, but illustrative. In addition to care, the man was also entitled to respect, sometimes in excessive forms. The man was the head of the family, clan, society. But all this is in reality, when protection was necessary. In the event of serious threats, the woman obeyed, understanding that her life depended on the strength of the companion and, in general, his presence. But times have changed...

When everything is there

An example of a changing situation is the Roman Empire before its fall. The huge empire extended over a large territory. And as a result, there was no one to defend against. Society demanded “bread and circuses.” But at the same time, there was plenty of everything: there were no hungry people in the holy city, and external enemies were too far away.

During this period, it was not the political system that changed, but the education of the younger generation. If before this mothers valued their husbands more, then when protection became less important, they began to love their children more. What has changed? There was a much greater fear of losing them than the man. Respect for the stronger sex has decreased.

Children raised with excessive care were no longer so independent, not so strong. Their dependence on their mother increased. And the ladies tried in every possible way to protect them from pain, suffering, and trials. Defenders were no longer needed, their value was falling, but managers, scientists, and advisers were held in high esteem.

What happened next? Two or three generations without respect for protection led to the fact that each subsequent woman valued her children above a man and considered this the norm. With each generation, men became weaker. And then the barbarians came and in a very short time swept the empire off the face of the earth. It just turned out that there was no one to protect her. Weak men could not defend their country.

Terrible conclusions

Many may not agree with me, but I am sure that in a family a man should be more important than children. Respect for him, his interests, his needs should be higher than the desires of the children. there must be much more than those born from him. The correct hierarchy will allow us to educate the new generation in a new way.

Well, how can a worthy younger man grow up in a family where a man is not respected? Condemning the father or contempt for him will not help create an ideal son using a bad example.

What kind of children grow up in families where priorities are wrong? Pleasers... The son tries to behave differently, not like the “bad” father. And this is no longer a sign of strength. – this is the one who has his own position and defends it. If he adapts, tries to always be good, fearing the “dislike” of his mother, will he be able to become worthy?

Surprisingly, today's women are 100% sure that the child is more important than everyone else, and sometimes even themselves. This is not the first generation that thinks this way, they were also raised this way. And they continue the tradition, creating men who know nothing about protection and strength.

And it even begins to seem to me that history will soon repeat itself. Let's look at Europe. Are the men of these prosperous countries ready to repel the new barbarians? It seems to me that they don’t know about protection, but let’s hope I’m wrong.

Since ancient times, it has been established that the head of the family is a man. But over the centuries, many traditions have changed greatly, and now in modern families there is a tendency that the leader simply becomes the one who has more life experience, who is not afraid to make decisions and bear responsibility for them.

And if a few decades ago no one would have thought of calling a woman the head of the family, now this is practically the norm. Women achieved equal rights, began to occupy high positions, major leadership positions and receive substantial money. But to what extent this has affected the institution of the family, the woman herself, is there a need for such an arrangement of roles, what are the pros and cons - let’s talk about all this today.

What is it to be the head of a family?

Let's figure out what it means to be the master of the house? The owner of the house cannot be called a person who cleans the house, maintains cleanliness and takes care of it - hired people (servants) can also do this. It is also impossible to call someone who, without caring much about the house, simply brings home money, an owner - he can be called a breadwinner, but not an owner.

The owner in a modern home is a person who, first of all, cares about the comfort and convenience of the whole family, correctly distributes the family budget, makes all mandatory payments and makes necessary purchases.

Since all this has become easier to organize, thanks to modern technology, the services of various companies and the almighty Internet, more and more people are coming to the conclusion that in fact there is no fundamental difference who is in charge in the family. It is important how happy and prosperous the family is; when the roles of the spouses are “described”, known and understood by both, and everyone agrees with them, then such a family will not care about anything, it is capable of solving any tasks and problems. It is much worse if there is no owner in the house, and, for example, there is a constant struggle for leadership; in this case, children, close relatives and, of course, the quality of life suffer. It turns out that there is nothing wrong with a woman becoming the master of the house, what do you think?

To be completely objective, we have identified the “pros and cons” of the situation , when the wife is the head of the family.

The woman is in charge - the advantages of the position

• You are free to do as you see fit, without asking your husband or taking into account his opinion.
• The entire budget is on you, and therefore you can afford pleasant purchases without waiting for your husband’s approval.
• If you don’t have a leadership position at work, you can very well be fulfilled in the family.
• This is a great way to boost your self-esteem.
• You can pay increased attention to your career by giving your husband some of the household chores; most often in such families, husbands are not against this.

Woman leader - disadvantages of the position

• The first thing I would like to note is the inevitable fatigue that comes, simply from the great and constant responsibility for forced, individually made decisions.
• As practice shows, most wives cease to respect their husbands due to the lack of a firm and strong character. There comes a feeling that she has become her husband’s mother, and not the woman she loves, and this often leads to divorce.

• This will certainly affect children - they, as you know, take their cues from their parents. Very often in such families, the boy grows up quiet, modest and timid, and the girl, on the contrary, has an “iron” character, that is, a copy of her mother. In the future, it will be very difficult for them to build healthy personal and family relationships.

The most important thing is that you or your spouse feel comfortable in the role of leader, so it is better to immediately agree on which of you will be the boss. This is not just a wish, it is a necessity; know that a considerable number of marriages collapse precisely because of unwillingness or inability to bear responsibility. But there must be a master in the house, otherwise a strong family will not work, we wish you good luck and long years to your marriage!

Elena Rakovskaya, family experience 11 years.

The trick is for each family member to be sure: if he is not the main one, then at least not the last, his voice is listened to. And, of course, the husband must be sure that he is the master of the house, otherwise the next person will no longer be a man with great rights, but accordingly even greater responsibilities, but a capricious, irresponsible child. With all this fragile democracy, a woman is like a driver-instructor who has her own steering wheel and her own brake pedal, as well as carrots and sticks. So I still end up being the head of the family. Just don’t tell your husband...

Ekaterina Grechishnikova, family experience 5 years.

The main husband in my family. I was quite consciously looking for just such a man who would make decisions for me. I myself am not looking for responsibility. And I don’t care at all what brand the refrigerator is in the kitchen. If my husband chooses what equipment to buy, for example, buys it himself, decides where to put it and when to repair it, I just say “thank you” to him...

Sergey Martynenko, family experience 6.5 years.

I think that the wife is the main one in our family. She solves most of the household problems, gives me instructions... But my wife says that I am in charge. She really often pesters me with questions like: which doctor is better to take my daughter to, should I send her to this kindergarten or another... Sometimes it seems to me that we don’t have anything important at all. My wife and I delicately push leadership onto each other and are forced to take turns leading...

Vladimir Kuznetsov, family experience 9 years.

I knew families where the leader was a woman. In 70 percent of cases this ends in divorce. Because sooner or later a man gets tired of obeying - this is predetermined by nature, this is how it happened historically. In my family, I am definitely the main one. Among other things, this is also due to the fact that I am 9 years older than my wife. Of course, controversial issues are discussed. But the final word still belongs to me.

Galina Sergeevna Ostapenko, senior lecturer at the Department of Practical Psychology at Voronezh State Pedagogical University.

There should be a clear division of responsibilities in the family; the wife should not be just a warm bundle next to her strong husband, and at the same time, the man should not be henpecked. Many husbands from such families admitted that with a weak wife, the man himself becomes weaker. Therefore, a family dictatorship tied to the unconditional dominance of one of the spouses is a hopeless way to develop relationships.

As for actually building a strong family, I am a supporter of Virginia Satir, a famous American family psychologist. She talks about the four C's. The first is self-esteem. Couples must maintain mutual respect and, most importantly, ensure that children do not catch even the smallest negative intonations in a conversation about one of the parents. Then relationships with relatives - with the older generation - are important. After all, as you know, good children mean a prosperous old age. Family traditions and social relationships are also important - spouses need variety, because the same days, when a person leaves the house only to work, depress a person. You need to change your environment more often and communicate with new people.

If, for some reason, the issue of supremacy is significant to you, resolve it right now - once and for all. And don't waste precious hours arguing. Leave time for love!

So, first go to the mirror.

Your nose

with a thin bridge of the nose; with a thick bridge of the nose; not tolerated at all.

Physiognomy experts call a nose with a very thin bridge a “widow’s nose” and claim that the owner of such a nose is, as a rule, a domineering, quarrelsome person, and therefore runs the risk of ending up alone.

Now undress b (remove your socks if necessary) and carefully examine your toes. It is advisable to measure them with a ruler (tape measure, centimeter).
Your second toe (any one of them)

shorter than the first (large); longer than the first. Popular rumor, based on centuries-old observations, says: a sure sign of dominance is the one whose second toe is longer than the first. Physiologists, by the way, point out that the second finger, AS A RULE, is longer than the first.

Stretch your memory and remember:

In your family the main thing was

dad; Mother; You.

Psychologists, followers of E. Berne, came to the conclusion that in families where the father dominates, the daughter learns the daughter's role and gets used to obeying. Makes decisions with difficulty and reluctantly. If the mother commanded, the son grows up weak-willed, with a constant need for guardianship and care.

While guessing on a pineapple, you discovered that the pieces you cut:

more than the partner's; smaller and neater than the partner's; eaten by the partner.

The pineapple fortune telling method consists of two stages:

Preparatory.

Two rooms are being prepared, general cleaning is being carried out (another reason to take a closer look at whether your other half is bossing you around). Each room should have a table. On one table the tablecloth is white, on the other - black. Cutting boards must be new. On a table with a white tablecloth there should be a knife with a white handle. On a table with a black tablecloth - accordingly, with a black one. Place a peeled pineapple half on each cutting board. You and your other half go to separate rooms and begin the second stage.

Conjectural.

Chop the pineapples into small pieces. You cannot agree on the size in advance! Result: the one whose pieces are smaller and neater will control his partner and perhaps even suppress him.

At this point, strain your memory very hard and remember:
During the wedding revelry you

bit off the largest piece of the pie offered, were the first to cross the threshold of the house/apartment, were the first to step on something: on the carpet in the registry office, on the footstool in the church, on a plate at the threshold of your house. For each positive answer, award yourself as many points as you want. Because each point in itself asserts your dominance in the house.

If you have bitten off a larger piece than your half of the pie presented by your father-in-law and mother-in-law, you will not escape the fate of the main person in the house. The first to cross the threshold, returning from the registry office or from a wedding - the same thing. Before you cross the threshold, you still have to step on the plate placed there. And preferably so that it breaks. The footstool performs the same function in the church as the carpet in the registry office - those getting married stand on it.

The financial support of the family mainly depends on:

from you, your marriage partner, your parents, your partner’s parents, the Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation

Almost no comments. According to the popular belief, whoever earns more is the one who rules. Whose parents actively help the young family budget is the commander. The saddest thing is if the family budget is made up of student scholarships and, accordingly, depends on the generosity of the state.

Your common dog

begs only from you when you eat; executes commands only when you order; begs from everyone, listens to no one.

You can't fool a dog. She is guided by smell. The person who dominates the family releases some special pheromones. A dog (and not only a dog) is led by the one with the stronger smell. Accordingly, she listens only to him and never begs from him.

If on at least one point you turn out to be the head of the family, then it is so. If your spouse lacks leadership by all indications, you won’t have to find out anything else. But if you both have signs of being the master of the house, then you have two options:

continue to actively find out who is “more important” or decide that the family is “more important”, and use all your talents to strengthen and prosper it.

Opinions from forum members:

Mad woman: You can give the palm to a smart (wise) man. Probably, it all depends on how good/comfortable/happy, etc. the woman feels from the decisions made by the man. If he does everything right, then let him command! In my case, if I’m not one hundred percent sure that I’m right, before insisting on my decision, it’s better to discuss everything again and think carefully (I’m sure he’s just lucky in such cases).

ED-209: There should be equality... And if you also give in to each other, that’s absolutely beautiful. A person should be a master where he thinks. And everyone would do what others cannot... Otherwise, sometimes someone will resist - and that’s all...

The key to a healthy relationship- this is the correct and harmonious distribution of rights and responsibilities between spouses.

The roles of men and women in the family have been historically determined due to biological prerequisites, mental characteristics and social nature.

The modern world is strikingly different from the primitive communities in which the image of the family was formed. But to completely ignore the natural pattern of interaction between a man and a woman, radically changing roles - detrimental to marriage.

Who is the boss in the family?

Any community of people need a leader, who will coordinate actions, resolve controversial situations, and then take responsibility for the consequences of the decisions made.

The same principle works in the family. Only in the family the “leader” is called the “head of the family.”

But headship does not mean that the leader's word is indisputable law for all household members.

Family members have the right to make suggestions, reject or accept the opinion of the head of the family, give advice, etc. And the spouse who plays the role of leader must listen to everyone’s opinion, and then develop compromise solution.

In matters that do not imply compromise or a clear answer, the word of the head of the family will be decisive. This is a responsible and difficult privilege.

Traditionally, the head of the family is the man, who for many centuries was breadwinner and protector. But in the conditions of modern economic and social equality of the sexes, the concept of “head of the family” has changed (and in some families it has been abolished).

The leader can be:

• hidden;
• explicit.

Explicit The head of the family is the spouse whose leadership is recognized by all family members.

He manages all processes within the social unit openly and legally.

Hidden a leader is a spouse who positions himself as “lower in rank,” but at the same time, through manipulation or by agreement, promotes his opinions and decisions through the obvious leader.

This point can be seen very well through the saying “The husband is the head, the wife is the neck.” Wherever the neck turns, the head will look.”

Those. often in families the palm is in the hands of the man. A wise woman agrees with the established order, but pushes her husband to conclusions that she considers true. “Speaks with her husband’s lips and creates with her husband’s hands.”

Gender roles

Family systems are based on gender roles. These roles are formed under the influence of cultural norms of society and are a kind of “stencils” of behavior, dictating standards of behavior to participants in society.

When entering into a family relationship, a person already understands what role he will occupy. What you can do and what you absolutely cannot do.

So little girls from a young age they explain that in the future they will become wives and keepers of the hearth.

A boys They talk about the need to develop physical strength and master a profession in order to protect and support the family.

This also includes attitudes like “a woman should not argue with men, with such a character you will receive from your husband” or “you cannot pull girls’ pigtails, you are the future head of the family, you must protect the weaker sex.”

Purpose and functions

Men

Material support. The responsibility of a man in the family is to provide material support for the social unit. Income must cover all the basic expenses of a modern family (food, housing, clothing, utilities, etc.).

Of course, sometimes a woman earns more than her husband. But a man who cannot give birth and feed children is ideal for the role of breadwinner (and will most likely try it on when his wife goes on maternity leave, even if he is economically passive).

Social preconditions also dictate their conditions, and the stronger sex is often offered more responsible and highly paid positions.

Protection. Family protection is an important function. Men are physically stronger than women. They are also more emotionally balanced and have a mathematical mind.

Therefore, a real representative of the stronger sex will take the blow in case of danger, be it a blow in the literal or figurative sense.

The husband should not shift the responsibility for solving problems to his fragile wife.

Solving technical issues (household function). Everything is quite simple here. The man must fix the shelf in time, connect a new washing machine, and solve problems with leaking batteries.

Strategic function. A man is a strategist by nature. He must resolve issues important to the family together with his wife. But, as a rule, women simply offer options and a general picture of solving problems. And men build strategies, a precise plan of action, etc.

Internal function. A father should be family-oriented, albeit to a lesser extent than a woman. A man spends most of his life at work, being home only in the evenings.

But when he spends time with his family, he must delve into the inner affairs, joys and disappointments as much as possible.

Parenting- This is jewelry work that the mother does. It is the woman who corrects the child’s behavior every day, using rewards/punishments/explanations.

But a man should not ignore his child. He sets the course for education, evaluates the child's behavior, and in some cases even represents the “highest court” or “capital punishment” as an authoritative member of the family.

Women

Function of reproduction of offspring. A woman bears and gives birth to children, raises and raises them.

This function is available only to the fair half of humanity.

And since ladies are more family-oriented, they invest more energy and time directly into education than men. While on maternity leave, a woman is with her baby all the time.

And the man who financially provides for the family at this time does not have the opportunity to devote much time to the child.

Household function. If a man traditionally solves technical issues and problems in the family that require the use of physical strength, then the woman takes care of the comfort. Cooking, washing, ironing and cleaning fall on the fragile shoulders of the wife.

But even if a woman delegates all the work to household staff, she must “invest” in creating comfort.

Fresh flowers on the windowsill, new curtains or embroidered napkins on the table create the feeling that the hostess had a hand in everything.

Save function. A man is an aggressor who achieves his goals and wastes energy in the external environment. In the family, his energy is replenished and preserved by the woman. She does this through affection, encouragement, admiration, stimulation.

List of responsibilities

Responsibilities of a man:

Responsibilities of a woman:

• housekeeping (cooking, maintaining order, etc.);
• activity (the wife is not obliged to provide for the family and work, but must have a hobby so as not to get bogged down in everyday life);
• parenting;
• emotional support from husband;
• maintaining the moral character of the family.

When does a woman have a midlife crisis? Find out about this from ours.

How to distribute correctly?

We are all different and unique. There is no uniform scheme for dividing family responsibilities.

For example, somewhere a wife loves to repair household appliances and literally meditates during this process, but the husband does not like to tinker with household appliances.

In another family The man cooks well and from early childhood dreamed of becoming a chef.

But his wife is so tired from caring for two children that she categorically refuses to cook.

And in each of these situations, the spouses satisfied with their responsibilities.

So how to distribute responsibilities? Take as a basis the traditional scheme of distribution of responsibilities in the family (male and female).

Adjust this scheme based on what each spouse prefers to do. And of course, don’t forget to help your significant other by “replacing” your loved one in certain positions if necessary.

Example: The wife in the family cooks, and the husband picks up the children from school. But one day the man was detained at work.

The mother went to pick up the kids, spending three hours on it (the husband left by car in the morning, and the wife went by public transport). By the time the family returned, the man had already prepared dinner, since he got home a little earlier than his wife.

The presented example perfectly illustrates how to correctly distribute responsibilities in the family, based on the principle of mutual assistance.

Roles table

Main family roles:

This is the basic scheme on which the distribution of roles is based, and based on which you can achieve harmony in the family.

What does midlife crisis mean for men? you will find on our website.

Distribution methods

There are many methods for distributing roles and corresponding responsibilities in the family. But three methods are universal:

Reasons and significance of their change

Changing roles in the family can occur as at the request of the spouses(everything is clear here), and forced.

If a man always supported the family, and a woman looked after the children, in the event of a work-related injury, the spouse’s roles will change.

A woman can get a promotion while pregnant and start earning more than her husband. In this case, the family will It is beneficial for a man to take maternity leave, and the woman became the breadwinner of the family.

Separate topic - imbalance in the family. When a woman does not want to take on the role of a protector, but due to her husband’s immaturity, she has to do it. Or a man, living with a lazy woman, does all the housework for her.

Such situations require correction and, in the absence of progress, lead to divorce.

Role reversal- this is not always bad. The main thing is that everything happens by mutual agreement and does not cause discomfort to family members. Well, where love reigns, you can always agree and come to a common decision.

About the role of men and women in the family in this video:

The question “who is the boss?” is, of course, rhetorical, and we all know the answer to it very well. But these days, it’s not a bad idea to remind us from time to time who is the boss in the family, because often problems arise precisely when roles in the house are incorrectly distributed or someone wants to “take someone else’s place.”

The truth is that Allah created man and made him a support for woman. And Allah created woman and made her a source of peace for man. And if they (support and peace) unite together in peace and harmony, then in this union there will be great benefit for both of them.

The Holy Qur'an 1 says that that Allah gave a man dominance over a woman, because he gave him an advantage over her[in intelligence, determination, prudence, foresight, strength, constant observance 2, in the fact that only a man can be a Prophet, Caliph and Imam, can read the adhan, sermon, conduct Friday and collective Namaz, be witnesses on special occasions, has an advantage when distributing inheritance, in marriage, only he has the right to give a divorce, and also the pedigree is traced through the male line] and it is his responsibility to provide for his wife. From this verse it is clear that the Creator himself gave men the leadership in the family. This is stated in the Qur'an, and it cannot be denied.

Men are the stronger sex. Allah gave them an advantage over women not only in strength, but also in intelligence, prudence and other qualities. We must accept this obvious fact and not contradict what was transmitted from the Creator himself. And we say this in a general sense, meaning that in general, men are smarter and stronger than women. However, this does not exclude the possibility that a particular woman may be smarter than many men or surpass them in knowledge. For example, the wife of the Prophet ‘Aisha taught the companions of the Prophet and was the most knowledgeable of all women.

God created man and woman different and gave them different rights and responsibilities according to their characteristics. A pious Muslim woman understands that she is weaker than a man and does not seek to take his place. But a worthy man does not strive to become like a woman and does not avoid the responsibility entrusted to him.

The Messenger of Allah said: “Every person is responsible for what Allah has entrusted to him hom. The ruler is responsible and must take care of the people, the man cares and is responsible for his family, and the woman takes care of the home, husband and children. Everyone is responsible for what they are given.”

It is important to always remember this and not strive to take someone else’s place. Instead of competing, it is better to quietly carry out your duties and strive for piety, since in the end the one who fears God will be the best, regardless of whether he is a woman or a man.

A woman should not equate herself with a man and try to dominate him - this does not correspond to Muslim culture. The man should be in charge, and the woman should be under his protection and tutelage. He is a provider and support. He is the one who makes decisions, solves problems, and should have the last word. And it's actually wonderful.

And when a woman begins to behave like a man, not believing that he will take care of her, believing that he will not cope with the role of the head, then this negatively affects both of them. Such a woman becomes aggressive, dissatisfied, cruel and categorical. She strives to manage everything and constantly points out to her husband his mistakes and shortcomings. And a man next to such a woman may begin to lose his masculinity, becoming weak-willed. As a result, they are both unhappy.

A woman who seeks to dominate a man will never be happy in her marriage. If her husband has given her the reins of power and indulges her in everything, then she is dissatisfied, since women do not like weak-willed, weak men. And if he does not give her the place of leader, then she spends all her energy competing with him, conflicting and quarreling. And all this is actually a sign of her stupidity and short-sightedness.

And the wisdom of a woman is to follow her natural nature - to be soft and feminine, to admit her weakness and become a joy to her husband. Such a woman inspires a man to succeed, and thereby develops herself as a person. It gives a man the opportunity to calm down, relax and accumulate masculine strength. And he feels that she needs him and his protection, and next to such a woman he feels like a hero. This is a harmonious relationship between a man and a woman.

There are women who cannot or do not want to live in the role of a slave, or are afraid to give control to a man, not trusting him. Perhaps, even before marriage, they were accustomed to making their own decisions and taking responsibility, so they simply cannot relax and trust a man. These women can be advised to:

1. Understand that your husband is not a rival, but an ally. And the Creator himself endowed him with leadership qualities, the ability to make decisions and be the head of the family. Men are more reasonable, calm and not as susceptible to emotions as women. They have the opportunity to focus on the main thing and make an informed decision. So calm down and learn to trust him. Rest assured that you are in good hands. This advice has one more advantage - when a man feels that you trust him, then he himself wants to be with you even more and take care of you even more.
2. Learn to obey. Even if at first after marriage it will be difficult for you to step over your habits of independent living, then force yourself. Believe me, you will only benefit from this, and subordination to your husband in no way humiliates the dignity of a woman, but, on the contrary, shows her high culture.
   It is also important to always remember that, of all people, the wife's first responsibility is to obey her husband. But this does not mean that she must obey absolutely all of his demands. A wife has certain responsibilities to her husband, and they must be fulfilled unquestioningly, and in other matters there are concepts of what she would like to do and how best to act.
3. Stop correcting your husband’s behavior at every step and giving him “valuable instructions.” Usually women do this because they are afraid that he will make a mistake. But he is an adult who is able to make his own decisions and assess the consequences! Even if he makes a mistake, he is able to draw conclusions. He is the head of the family, not your child, and you are not his mother!
4. Cultivate respect for your spouse. If you want to be a queen, then treat your husband like a king. Agree with him, do not challenge his decisions, value his opinion, do not allow yourself to criticize him, find fault with him and show him your dissatisfaction. Think about how you behave around people you deeply respect. Would you make caustic remarks at them or correct their decisions?! Carry this respect into your relationship with your husband. This will have a positive impact not only on you, but also on your children, because they feel how mom treats dad, and they are happy when love and respect reign in the family.
5. Don't be ashamed to be weak and defenseless, which, in essence, you are. Show your husband that you need him, his wise advice and care.

We must always remember that a man and a woman are endowed with different natures, and each of them has its own value. Therefore, anyone who wants to build a happy family must follow his destiny and follow certain rules in relationships. A man wants to feel like a man, to be a leader in the family and to have an obedient, kind and gentle wife. And a woman wants to be close to a strong and reliable man, feeling his care, attention and support.

A happy family is a single whole, where husband and wife do not compete, but complement each other. And if a married woman remembers that she is “behind her husband” and not in front of him, then she will not need to remind anyone who is boss in the house.
____________________________________________

1 meaning of verse 34 of Surah An-Nisa
2 women do not perform Namaz and do not fast during menstruation and postpartum discharge

You might like it

Muslim names for boys and girls

The problem of naming is still relevant today. Each of us undoubtedly faced this problem at the time of the birth of a child. We painstakingly go through dozens of names before settling on one of the options. You always want to find something beautiful, not contrary to traditions and religion, but at the same time simple, easy to pronounce. The euphony of a name plays an important role in social society. There are cases when parents, under the influence of personal emotions and ideological ideas, called their children names that did not correspond to the moral and ethical principles in Muslim society. For example, during the all-Union construction of communism in some Turkic peoples, children were given the name “Lenur” - Lenin Nury (Lenin’s Light), “Marlene” - Marx and Lenin and other political names. It is also worth noting the problem of the disappearance from the language of such letters as “ه” - h and “ح” - X. For example, Asan, Usein, Usnie. These are names generally accepted in the Muslim world, like the same root words “ X asana" - » " X usain" - " X Yusniyay”, from Arabic - refined, graceful, good. The reason for the disappearance of the mentioned letters in the language of the Turkic peoples is the replacement of Arabic script with Latin or Cyrillic.

Some Turkic peoples to this day maintain an interesting tradition of calling a weakened newborn the name Tursun or Yashar, Omur. In particular, Azerbaijanis call Dursun or assign the name of the father and mother. No one will deny the fact that the name is a kind of carrier of any information. A Muslim name can carry the memory of the family of Prophets and their loved ones, peace be upon them. To testify to the humility and faith of a Muslim in the existence of One Allah, as well as on the Day of Judgment. This is noticeable in the example of names based on: ‘abd (‘ibad), safe and nur. Variants of the Arabic term “Abd” are interpreted as: slave. Safe is like a sword, and nur is a ray, light. Let us pay attention to the following names: ‘Abdullah, ‘Abdura X man, 'Abdul To adir, ‘Abdussamad, Seyfuddin, Nureddin and others.

It must be said that not only newlyweds, but also their parents and grandparents take part in the process of naming a child. In most cases, young people, as a sign of respect and gratitude, leave the last word to their elders. This is actually the mentality of the Crimean Tatar people.

In the traditions of some Muslim Turks, there is a special approach to names; the wife often addresses her husband without mentioning his name. For example, an Uzbek woman calls her husband “khodzhayyn” (but the etymology of the Russian word “master”), otasi is the father of the children. In Crimean Tatar houses, and especially these are families with a long history, they address each other as: akay, apay or kishi, apakay, avrat, etc. The word "awrat" is applied to women because they have parts of their bodies that they must cover in front of other men. (The whole body except the face and hands).

Returning directly to our topic, it is enough to remember our compatriots who have double names. For example: Kurt-Sabe. Kurt-Ali, Kurt-Asan, Kurt-Osman, Seit-Asan, Seit-Bekir, Seit-Belyal, Seit-Veli, Mambet-Ali. Let's remember the forms of names in pre-war Crimea, these are the names of famous classics of Crimean Tatar literature: Hassan Sabri, Hussein Shamil, Umer Fehmi and others. Sometimes among readers there are those who confuse their second non-official names with surnames. For, as we know, in surnames of Turkic origin there are no endings typical for Slavic peoples such as: ov/ova, ev/eva. Currently, some Crimean Tatar cultural figures, in order to emphasize patriotism, deliberately cut off such endings from personal surnames. For example, Shakir Selim(s), Shevket Ramazan(s), Aider Memet(s), Fetta Akim(s), Aishe Koki(eva), Sheryan Ali(ev). According to some reports, the above-mentioned paired names were assigned to children in order to avoid misunderstandings between fellow villagers with the same names. Perhaps there are other motives here. At the moment, this issue remains poorly studied. Along with names, there are also various pseudonyms and nicknames. If usually creative people or, less often, political figures, along with their real personal name, ascribe to themselves a pseudonym, then nicknames are assigned to a certain person directly by the people around him.

With the intention of recalling ancient traditional Muslim names, we are starting to publish the most frequently used names. The article is based on a reference book of Turkic names, Arabic-Russian, Ottoman-Turkish and other dictionaries.

Male and female names starting with the letters A

‘Abdullah is a servant of God.
‘Abid, (‘Abide) is a worshiping, praying, believing slave.
‘Adalet – justice, fairness.
‘Adil, (‘Adile) – fair. Male and Male and female name female name.
‘Azamat - greatness, splendor.
‘Aziz, (‘Azize) - respected, revered, beloved. Male and female name
‘Azim - determined, resolute
‘Ali is the name of the cousin of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (‘Ali is a female name)
‘Alim (‘Alime) - wise, learned, noble. Male and female name
‘Arif - noble, intelligent
‘Abdulgaffar - Servant of Allah, Forgiver of Sins
Adem - Adam, the name of the first man created by Allah, the first Prophet, peace be upon him
Alemdar - standard bearer
Amin - reliable, truthful male name and female name
Amina is the name of the mother of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.
Amir (Emir) - ruling, giving orders
Arzu - 1. Beloved of Kamber - the hero of the popular fairy tale “Arzu ve Kamber”. 2. from person, desire, dream
Asiya (Asie) was the name of the Pharaoh’s wife. Pious woman from the followers of the prophet Musa, peace be upon him
Ahmad is one of the names of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.

Male and female names starting with the letters - B

Basyr - insightful, insightful, far-sighted
Batal - brave, courageous, hero
Batyr - hero
Bakhtiyar - from Pers. Happy

Male and female names starting with the letters B

Vildan (from the Arabic words valil, ordered, evlyad) - newborn children; slaves

Male and female names starting with the letters - G

Gevher (Jauhar) - a precious stone, pure, true, genuine
Gyuzul (Guzal, Gezul) - from Turkic, beautiful, good. Female name

Male and female names starting with the letters D

Dilyaver - from Pers. brave, courageous, courageous
Dilyara - from Persian poet. gorgeous; sweet, beautiful, soothing to the heart

Male and female names starting with the letters Z

Zahid (Zahida) leads an ascetic lifestyle. Male and female name
Zaire (Zaire) - visiting, visiting. Male and female name
Zainab (Zeyneb) - the name of the daughter of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him
Zakir (from Dhikr) - mentioning the Name of God Almighty
Zarif (Zarifa) - gentle, sophisticated. Male and female name
Zafer - achieving the goal; victorious, winner
Zahra - flower
Zuhra is one of the names of the daughter of the Prophet, peace be upon him, Fatima.
Zeki (Zekiye) - pure, without impurities, natural, genuine. Male and female name
Zeki - smart, clever
Zulfie is the one who has very beautiful, voluminous hair

Male and female names starting with the letters - I

Ibrahim is the name of the Prophet, peace be upon Him, the father of the Prophet Ismail, peace be upon Him.
Idris is the name of one of the Prophets, peace be upon them.
Izzet - greatness, respect.
Ilham (Ilhamie) - inspiration. Men's and women's.
Ilyas is the name of one of the Prophets, peace be upon them.
Imdad - help; force sent to help
Iman is faith. Female name.
‘Inet - mercy, guardianship, care.
Irfan - knowledge. Male name.
‘Isa is the name of one of the Prophets, peace be upon them, son of Maryam, peace be upon her. Allah sent down the Injil to Him.
Islam is the name of the religion of all the Prophets, peace be upon them, from Ar. means submission to the One God
Ismail is the name of one of the Prophets, peace be upon them. The first son of the Prophet Ibrahim, peace be upon him, from the hajer Ismet - purity, security.
Irada (Irade) - will.

Male and female names starting with the letters - K

Kamal (Kemal) - perfection.
Kerem - nobility; generosity.
Kerim (Kerime) - generous, noble. Male and female name.
Kausar (Kevser) - 108th sura from the Koran, the name of the source of paradise.
Kamil (Kamila) - perfect, impeccable. Male and female name.
Kader (Kadire) - powerful, strong. Male and female name

Male and female names starting with the letters L

Latife - tender, soft. Female name.
Lutfi (Lutfiye) - kind, dear. Male and female name.
Lyale is a tulip.

Male and female names starting with the letters M

Mahbub (Mahbube) - beloved, beloved. Male and female name.
Mavlyud (Mavlyuda) - born. Male and female name.
Madina is the city in which the tomb of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, is located.
Maryam (Meryem) - mother of the prophet ‘Isa. peace be upon him
Madiha – praising.
Mecca is the place where the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, was born and the location of the Ka'bah.

Male and female names starting with the letters - N

Nadir (Nadir) - rare.
Nazim (Nazmie) - composing.
Nazif (Nazife) – pure.
Nail (Naile) - achieving the goal.
Nafise - very valuable; beautiful.
Nedim (Nedime) - interlocutor, friend.
Nimet - good, gift.
Nureddin is the light of faith.

Male and female names starting with the letters - R

Raghib (Raghibe) - willing.
Rajab (Rejeb) is the seventh month of the lunar calendar.
Raif (Raife) is kind-hearted.
Ramazan (Ramadan) is the month of Fasting.
Rasim is an artist who draws.
Refat - compassionate, kind.

Male and female names starting with the letters - C

Saadet - happiness.
Sabit is hard and stable.
Sabir is patient, trying on.
Sadriddin - with faith in the heart.
Said (Saide) – happy, lucky.
Sakin (Sakine) being at peace.
Salih (Saliha) - pious.
Safvet is clean, clear.
Safiye is pure, without impurities.
Selim (Selime) - without flaws.
Selyamet - well-being, safety.
Sefer - travel.
Subhi (Subhiye) morning.
Suleiman is the name of the Prophet, peace be upon him.
Sultan (Sultaniye) - ruler.

Male and female names starting with the letters T

Tahir (Tahire) pure, noble.
Talib - aspiring; student.
Tevfik – luck, lucky.

Male and female names starting with the letters - U

Ulvi (Ulviye) – elevation.
‘Ubaydullah is the servant of the Almighty.
Ummet is a community.

Male and female names starting with the letters F

Fazil (Fazile) - noble.
Faik (Faik'a) - excellent.
Faruk is fair.
Fatima (Fatma) is the name of the first daughter of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.

Male and female names starting with the letters - X

Khalil is a devotee (friend, comrade).
Halim (Halime) - soft, kind.
Khalis (Khalise) - pure, without impurities.
Khabib (Habibe) - beloved.
Khadijah is the name of the first wife of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.
Haydar is a lion, that is, brave and courageous.
Hayreddin - benefit from faith.
Khairy – happy, lucky.
Hakim (Hakime) - wise.
Khalil - loyal, friend, comrade.
Halim (Halime) – soft, kind.
Khalis (Khalise) – pure without impurity.
Hasan – graceful, good. The name of the grandson of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.
Hikmet – wisdom.
Husseini - good, graceful. The name of the grandson of the prophet is Muhammad, peace be upon him.
Husniy (Husniye) – graceful, beautiful.

Male and female names starting with the letters - Ш

Sha'ban is the eighth month of the lunar calendar.
Shemseddnn - with bright faith.
Shakir (Shakire) – noble.
Shevket – majestic, important.
Shemseddin - with bright faith.
Shemsi (Shemsie) – sunny, radiant.
The sheriff is honorary.
Shefik (Shefiqa) – kind, sincere.
Shukri (Shukriye) – giving thanks.

Male and female names starting with the letters E

Edib (Edibe) - well-mannered.
Edie (hedie) - a gift.
Ekrem is very generous and welcoming.
Elmaz is a precious stone, diamond.
Emin (Emine) - honest.
Enver is very radiant, bright.
Enis (Enise) is a very good conversationalist.
Esma is very generous and welcoming.
Eyub is the name of the Prophet, peace be upon him.

Male and female names starting with the letters - Y

Yunus is the name of the Prophet, peace be upon him.
Yusuf is the name of the prophet, peace be upon him.

Male and female names starting with the letters - I

Ya'qub is the name of the prophet, peace be upon him.

It is quite difficult to find a person who does not dream of a happy family life next to someone who will love, understand, respect, appreciate, tolerate, care, support, behave with dignity, raise children competently, treat parents well, and so on. But few people think that all these wonderful qualities are branches of a tree whose roots are fear of God.

Nowadays, people often choose a life partner based on external appearance, status and position in society, hoping that other positive qualities will appear over time. They hope that in the future they will be able to instill in their life partner a love of knowledge and observance. Of course, this is not excluded, but our religion strongly recommends choosing a life partner based on fear of God.

A woman should be especially careful when choosing a husband, because it is often beyond her power to correct an adult man. But even a man should not get his hopes up: although it is easier for a husband to influence his wife, not every woman is easy to change.

When people get married, they don’t always think about the fact that they have to go through a long life journey together, raise children, go through trials and difficulties, but only think about whether it’s pleasant to spend time with this person. Therefore, it is not surprising that their hopes for a happy family life are often not justified.

How to avoid disappointment? The answer to this question has long been known - choose someone who fears God. He is the most reliable life partner. The love of such a person will make you happy, but even if there are no such strong feelings, he will still always be fair to you. You don’t expect a trick from such a person, he will lend a shoulder in difficult times, will be kind and patient, will direct you in the right direction and will do the right thing himself - as Sharia orders. A God-fearing person loves for the sake of Allah, and not for the sake of his nafs, like most people: while feelings are seething, they are ready to endure and give in, and when the feelings pass, the relationship between spouses deteriorates.

However, a truly happy married couple is one in which both spouses are God-fearing. Therefore, not only seek a godly life partner, but strive to be one. After all, the ideal married couple are those who lead each other along the path to Paradise.

The fruits of the union of God-fearing spouses are wonderful - not only a good relationship, but also godly offspring. There have been many examples in history when two God-fearing people raised children who illuminated the whole world with their knowledge.

Parents of the Great Imam Abu Hanifa

One day a traveler was walking along the road. He was very hungry. And suddenly he saw an apple floating along the river. He took out this apple and ate it, but then he thought: “What if it came from someone’s garden?” Then he decided to go upstream and see if there was a garden there. After walking a little, he saw an apple tree growing in someone else's garden.

The young man was very God-fearing. He was upset that he ate someone else's apple and decided to ask the owner for forgiveness. He went to him, told him about the apple and asked the owner of the garden: “Will you forgive me?” He answered: “No,” and the young man became even more upset. He imagined punishment in hell for eating what was unlawful, and decided not to leave until he received forgiveness. When the owner left the house, the young man asked again: “Will you forgive me?” The owner of the garden, seeing his fear of God, said: “I will forgive you only if you marry my daughter. But know that she doesn’t see, doesn’t speak, and doesn’t walk.” Hearing this, the traveler was afraid, but the fear of the answer on the Day of Judgment was stronger than the fear of the trials in this life, and he agreed.

They entered the house. The owner led him to his daughter's room. A very beautiful girl came out to meet them and greeted her father and guest. It was the owner's daughter.

The traveler was almost speechless from surprise and surprise. “But you said that your daughter doesn’t see, doesn’t speak, and doesn’t walk!” - he exclaimed. “That’s right,” the father replied, “My daughter does not see what is forbidden, does not say what is forbidden, and does not go where it is forbidden!” (that is, she was also very God-fearing). Allah granted that in this way a God-fearing father would find a God-fearing husband for his God-fearing daughter. This is how the parents of the great Imam Abu Hanifa, one of the most famous theologians in the world, met.

Parents of the pious ‘Abdullah ibn Al-Mubarak

‘Abdullah ibn Al-Mubarak is a great scientist and Sufi. He was sincere and brave. This is the story of how his parents met.

His mother's father had a garden. One day he asked the man who was guarding his garden: “Bring me a sweet pomegranate.” The watchman went for a pomegranate and gave it to the owner. When the owner tried the pomegranate, he said: “What did you bring me?!” He's sour! Bring something sweet." Then the watchman went again and brought him another pomegranate. The owner, having tasted the fruit, was again indignant: “Why did you bring me sour pomegranate again?!” You’ve been working for me for a whole year and you don’t know which ones are sweet?!” To which the watchman replied: “You hired me to guard the garden, and not so that I could taste its fruits. How can I know which one is sweet and which one is sour?!” The owner of the garden was greatly surprised by the honesty and decency of the watchman and invited him to marry his daughter.

Parents of the fifth caliph Umar ibn ‘Abdul-‘Aziz

‘Umar ibn ‘Abdul-‘Aziz is the fifth righteous caliph and grandson of the second righteous caliph ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab. He was a fair ruler, possessed the deepest knowledge and was very ascetic. Perhaps all his achievements were facilitated by his upbringing, since he had godly parents. Here's the story of how they met.

His grandfather, Caliph ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab, was a great companion of the Prophet and ruler of the Muslims. But despite this, he went out into the city at night to find out how ordinary people lived. And one day, during his next round, he heard a conversation between two women. The milk seller told her daughter: “Dilute the milk with water,” to which she replied: “But the Caliph forbade this!” Her mother told her: “But he doesn’t see us now.” Then the daughter replied: “If Umar does not see, then the Lord of Umar sees everything!”

Returning home, ‘Umar said to his sons: “I know a house in which a God-fearing and decent girl lives - let one of you marry her.” And ‘Asym ibn ‘Umar married her. And when their son was born, they gave him the same name as his grandfather.

How to raise a child to be a PERSONALITY

From birth, the child develops and is imbued with the beliefs and life attitudes that his parents and environment instill in him. In childhood, his character, habits, worldview are formed - all this forms the foundation that underlies his personality. That is why it is so important in childhood to instill in a child the correct beliefs and principles that will help him become successful and happy.

The first thing parents must take care of is to give the child true beliefs about the Creator and the world that He created, about good and evil, about the commands and prohibitions of Allah, about Heaven and hell, about reward and punishment. This is the most valuable and important knowledge, without which true happiness is impossible. In addition, parents are obliged to teach their child to perform Namaz, observe Fasting and other duties, because they do not want him to commit sins in the future. This is the foundation without which success is impossible.

In addition, it is important to develop in a child those qualities and skills that will help him live this life in the best way and achieve a high degree of piety for eternal happiness in the Next World.

PURPOSE

It is important for a child to learn to set goals and achieve them.

Nowadays, children often do not understand the meaning of life, do not find their place in this world, many of them prefer to live in “virtual reality”. And as a result, their real life is wasted.

Explain to your child that life was not given in vain, and there is responsibility for how he lives it. And also explain that life in this world is temporary, and after it there will be eternal life: in Heaven or in hell. In Heaven there will be eternal happiness, and in Hell there will be eternal suffering. Therefore, the main goal is to live life in such a way as to get to Heaven!

How to achieve this, we were told by the Prophets - special people sent by God. The most important thing is faith in God, who created this entire world, but Himself is not like His creations. And whoever lives as God commanded will achieve success.

On the way to your main goal, it is important to learn how to set small goals that will help you achieve it. For each goal, you need to define objectives and develop a plan to achieve it. Therefore, your task as parents is to teach your child these skills. A person who possesses these skills lives meaningfully and does not go with the flow of life. It is such a person who is a person.

Prepare your child for the fact that there are always obstacles on the path to success, otherwise everyone would be successful. Difficulties await him, but don’t let that stop him - he must learn to overcome them and benefit from the experience he receives. Develop in him those qualities that will help him achieve his goal: perseverance, hard work, willpower and responsibility.

RESPONSIBILITY

One day a child said to his father: “Our new math teacher doesn’t know how to explain, I won’t learn anything with him.” The father replied: “Understand, son, if you want to know mathematics, then this is your task, not your teacher. What have you done yourself to resolve this issue?” That is, the father did not allow his son to shift responsibility to others. He wanted to show him that there are two types of people: those who take responsibility for their lives and achieve success, and those who simply look for someone to blame for their failures.

The ability to accept responsibility opens up a broad perspective for a person. Without the willingness to take responsibility, it is impossible to achieve true success! Can anyone achieve success who hides from problems, avoids difficulties, is unable to make decisions and shifts everything to others?!

Often, parents themselves are to blame for the fact that their children grow up exactly like this: infantile, lazy and irresponsible. After all, they decide everything for the child, do not allow him to take the initiative, literally take the work out of the child’s hands, believing that he cannot cope on his own.

Help your child not be afraid to take responsibility for their actions. Even if he doesn't do something perfectly at first, don't stop him. Teach him to take on responsibilities and fulfill them, as well as be responsible for possible failures. Start small - let him take responsibility, for example, for the order in his room, saying to himself: “I am responsible for the cleanliness of this room” and keeps his promise.

It is natural for parents to want to help their children. But true help lies not in solving all their problems for them, but in teaching them how to solve their problems.

One person, walking through the park, noticed a cocoon on a bush from which a butterfly was trying to get out. There was a narrow gap in the cocoon, and the butterfly made every effort to crawl out through it. The man stopped and began to watch the butterfly, which could not get out. He felt sorry for the butterfly - he took out a knife and cut the cocoon to help her. The butterfly immediately crawled out, however, its body was frail and weak, and its wings could barely move. The man continued to watch the butterfly, thinking that its wings would get stronger and it would fly, but this did not happen. After all, it is precisely the efforts of the butterfly that are needed to get out of the cocoon that strengthen its wings and give it the ability to fly!

Don’t try to make your child’s life easier by solving all the issues for him. The sooner he learns to take responsibility for himself and his actions, the better for him! After all, in the end, a great Report awaits everyone! What will be the position of someone who has avoided responsibility all his life?!

If you teach your child to set goals, take responsibility, overcome obstacles, show diligence, persevere, work on himself and achieve results, he will become strong, will not be afraid of life's difficulties and will be able to achieve real success.