What should I do if my husband loves someone else but lives with me? The husband fell in love with another woman. What to do? My husband fell in love with someone else

My husband loves someone else...

Should I get a divorce?

Got married…. I thought marriage was ideal. Not everything turned out to be as smooth as you thought! Stuff happens... Your spouse gave his heart to another woman. You helplessly, with all your strength, scream: “I won’t give it up”... Late! And it’s not your fault at all that this is how it all turned out.

Don't blame a man for falling out of love with you. A hackneyed but very true expression: “you can’t order your heart.” This expression is not a medicine, and not a “life preserver”. It simply reflects the clear meaning of harsh reality. Do you think: I read it and came to terms with it? This is cowardice! Be bolder if you want to try to change something in a “winning” direction. The question “what to do?” overcomes your brain. We need to act!

And the actions are quite simple

• Action one - conversation

And serious, detailed, and not so gentle and affectionate, creating the illusion that nothing happened. Construct the conversation so that it does not go beyond the boundaries of politeness and tact. Do not allow scandalous tones, obscene expressions, insults and reproaches. Allow yourself to do something like this - talk about “targeting” failure and failure.

• Act two - a clever trick

With the help of such a “weapon”, try to carefully find out from him what attracted your husband to another woman, why he cooled off towards you. Avoid rudeness and excessive persistence in matters! This is an obstacle to your further frank conversation.

• Act three - try to become better than you are now

No one doubted and does not doubt that you are the best. But even perfection sometimes should be given at least a little “adjustment”. You can imagine that this step is a kind of decoration of your personality and your inner world.

Your eyes lit up with sparkles of joy... Eyelashes become more voluminous from the taste of born hope... Don't lose her until the last second! Fight.

Even if it seems to you that hope has completely died, resurrect it with an explosion of optimism. Options for action did not help, hope died - don’t let optimism and the meaning of life die. They are your best friends at the moment of “amorous difficulties”. What advice can they give you? - A lot. It is quite possible that you will not like this “much” at all. But advice is advice: you can listen to it, but not act as it tells. This is what the beauty of any advice “breathes”.

Advice first!

Let go. Even if you don’t forgive, let go. You know…. Men are sometimes “ships” that are eager to set sail.

Tip two!

Abstract yourself. There are billions of millions of ways of abstraction. The number is exaggerated, but the emotions in it are over the top. Let's go through ways to “calm down” your emotions a little.

You can, for example:

• Go to a club to unwind with your friends.

The effect is short-lived, but noticeable. Cinema, theater “visit”. Take with you those people who share your “passion” for this kind of art.

• Music is an option - what you need!

But listen to music that doesn’t “invoke” melancholy and sadness.

• Have an extreme, windy ride on a bicycle, on rides, on a motorcycle.

It doesn't really matter what it will be. Your main goal is to go into the “adrenaline world” for about thirty minutes.

Tip three!

Erase the traitor from your memory! File for divorce. It’s hard mentally but... If you don’t take such a step, you will cause yourself even greater pain. “Erasing” your man from memory will be incredibly slow, almost “motionless.” But you will pass this test. This will help you live with a bright future, and not with the suffering of the past.

Tip four!

Do not arrange any kind of showdown with the one to whom your betrothed “gave” his heart. You won't change anything for the better with these tricks. You don’t want to be hated by the one you love…. Don't provoke hatred.

Tip five!

Find all the most “malicious” flaws in your husband, who is now “enemy number one.” Imagine that flaws are a coloring book from your distant childhood. And “color” them in a way that is useful to you, that is, in a light that is favorable to you. If earlier, before such a situation arose, you considered him slightly selfish - “repaint” this flaw into super selfishness. In this way, work through all of his “imperfections” that you managed to notice during your communication, acquaintance, relationship and living with him.

Have you decided that none of them suits you at all? - Love someone else! Do with the “traitor” as he did with you. If you can do this, you will throw off the heavy burden of your own torment. Just don't refuse right away. Check the option, and don’t insistently say that you shouldn’t try it, because nothing will come of it.

You are the laboratory of your destiny. Start experimenting!

Pain will creep into your soul - shake it off in your diary, in your blog, on a piece of paper, in a notebook, in a notebook. The choice is yours. Write everything you think, what you feel. If you want, tear what is written to shreds. Then glue it together if you realize that you did it by mistake. Paper doesn't know what pain is. You will give her intimate lines - in return she will help you save yourself from increasing depression, or any other unpleasant condition. By the way, if one of the conditions comes up, scare it away or ignore it. Be a hundred times stronger than the condition that torments and depresses you.

If you “turn off” the concentration on your grief, you will understand and realize that you are not the only one on planet Earth. And those others live with a problem that is analogous to yours. Note: they live! They continue to live. What is stopping you from following their wonderful and correct example? Love never cooled down? Well, all those who experience the same thing as you have it. The desire to return everything? Desire, unfortunately, may not always coincide with possibilities.

A man is not the “subject” whom you should allow to “kill” your personality! Stay and be yourself. If your loved one has left, another love awaits you ahead...

Continuation. . .

My husband fell in love with someone else -

Love... How many sonnets have been written about it, how many songs have been composed, how many films, books and other works of art have been created. And in real life, each of us at least once in our lives experienced this painfully sweet feeling. Although, as many psychologists believe, if love makes a person suffer and commit rash acts, then this is not love at all, but a kind of substitute - love or passion. is expressed in the fact that even if a loved one loves another, it does not cause pain. On the contrary, there is a desire to sincerely be happy for both... and let them go in peace.

Just like a dream

In general, of course, it is not easy for a person in love to distinguish love from blind infatuation. When two people are together, they feel good, when they are filled with bright hopes, when they, in the most literal sense of the word, cannot get enough of each other, hardly any of them thinks about the difference.

And she certainly is. Falling in love can be compared to a dream, magical and pleasant. I wish it would never end, but, alas, this never happens.

Awakening

“The love boat crashed into everyday life,” Mayakovsky sighed. Yes, this happens. It is only in books that lovers maintain a reverent attitude towards each other throughout their lives; in reality, everything is somewhat different. Even the strongest feelings sometimes cool down, and some kind of insight or awakening occurs. Psychologists speak out more categorically, calling this moment a period of crisis or “grinding in.” Alas, it is at this time that a woman can suddenly feel and understand that she loves another.

What's happened?

This question is asked more than once by the beautiful half of humanity, sneaking glances in the mirror.

Everything seems to be in order: there are no extra centimeters at the waist, the hairstyle and unnoticeable makeup are present, the wardrobe, including intimate ones, is regularly updated. So why do alarm bells ring in our minds every now and then? Why do terrible thoughts come to me every now and then that the guy I love loves another? And even if friends suggest “scratching it” and “not worrying” - who, if not us, should know and feel that our beloved and only one has become completely different?

Changes

No, he still asks us out, still brings us gifts, still invites us to a weekend somewhere out of town. It’s just that it seems that between the two lovers, who seemed to understand each other at a glance just a few weeks ago, a wall has grown that is becoming thicker and thicker.

The beloved loves another - the woman understands, feeling that a little more, and this invisible wall will become so thick that it will hardly be heard, even if it breaks. He becomes more and more irritable, he increasingly needs solitude, and in the end he moves away so much that she would rather spend the weekend alone than in the company of a man who behaves as if he is serving a conscription.

"It's my fault..."

“He loves someone else,” an unpleasant thought persistently beats in our consciousness, and, as often happens during neurosis, the more we drive it away from ourselves, the more strongly it sticks to us. In the end, we also become irritable, suspicious and whiny.

A man, for whom, as we know, a woman’s tears are like a rag to a bull, and already feeling guilty, gets irritated in response. Here comes the quarrel. The last one? Hardly. A man is a rational being, even burning with painful love for another woman, he can torment himself and both ladies in love with him for years. As for his unfortunate passion, she, having expressed everything she thinks to the tormentor, painfully begins to look for shortcomings in herself. The most annoying thing is that while it is not known who the lucky rival is, it is impossible to understand what advantages she has and what needs to be changed in herself.

Searching of decisions

When a loved one loves another and does not hide it, the most important thing is not to panic and not throw hysterics. Although, given that women are emotional creatures, this is perhaps the most difficult thing. It should be remembered that since he is still here and has not gone anywhere, it is necessary to remain calm. This is necessary for both, since only in a calm state can an adequate solution be found. As for the unfaithful lover, then, without hearing screams and reproaches, without seeing tears and a swollen face, which once seemed to him the most beautiful in the world, he will be able to put his thoughts and feelings in order and understand what he really wants.

The decision to definitely find out what your opponent is like is not the best. Firstly, this is a waste of time, and secondly, without the skills of Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes, it is quite difficult not to screw up and give yourself away during surveillance. And yes, it is alienating. If a loved one loves another girl, he turns into a real jealous person in relation to himself and carefully protects his personal space. If a mobile phone left on the edge of the table is moved a millimeter to the side, this may not raise unpleasant questions like: “Did you take it?” But the thought that in his short absence, his passion, who clearly knows something, could either read incoming SMS messages or write down several numbers unfamiliar to her, flashes through his head. This means that the defense will be strengthened, the invisible wall will become wider, and on top of that, he will also dig a mental ditch.

What to do?

But some young ladies, despite the risk, still manage to recognize the “enemy” by sight. So, when it becomes known that a loved one loves another, what to do is not entirely clear.

The entire strategy that was developed before the moment of truth collapses, hands give up, and you want one thing - either kill both of them, or break with the traitor and traitor forever. Looking at them, happy, laughing, you don’t want to go to the store for a new “outfit” that he will certainly like. I don’t want to change my hairstyle, I don’t want to improve in cooking: why, when next to him is she, who is not only younger or more beautiful, but simply different...

By the way, a common mistake many women make is to believe that if a loved one loves another, she, this other, is certainly better in some way. Yes, of course, sometimes it really happens that a man runs away from his passion for someone who doesn’t nag him, doesn’t hang on him, doesn’t demand attention. But there are very frequent cases when a previously gentle and faithful friend left for another woman simply because she was completely different from his ex-lover. Unfortunately, there is hardly anything we can do to help here. And it makes sense to return to the concepts of love and falling in love. If he truly loved, he would hardly be drawn to the side in search of new sensations. If she truly loved, she would not have the desire to follow her beloved and torment him with her jealousy. Although, of course, to some extent love is selfish.

"Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way"

When an unmarried couple breaks up, the breakup can be handled without much complications. Yes, it hurts, but, in the end, it’s not the end of the world, and is it worth holding on to a person who betrayed and trampled on bright feelings? And there are no guarantees that the homewrecker will be happy with him. After all, as you know, the boomerang always returns, and “he who betrayed once will betray again.” It's another matter when it's different.

This is where a real tragedy can occur, especially when there are children in the family. However, considering that life with a disgusted (yes, let’s call a spade a spade) wife, even for the sake of the children, will not be a joy for her, nor for the unfaithful spouse, nor, of course, for the children who feel that something is wrong at home, it is unlikely this will benefit the latter. As practice shows, children growing up in a nervous environment and witnessing family quarrels, even in intact families, can develop complexes and phobias. Therefore, wouldn’t it be better to either let your beloved spouse go free, or invite him to live separately for some time? A man, no matter how much he is in love with another, is strongly attached to his family. This is genetic, and there is no escape from it. Having walked on the side, perhaps even for more than one month, he will be able to appreciate the true value of a home and a benevolent wife, who, provided she can understand and forgive, is always ready to take the prodigal husband back.

Hello, dear readers! Today you can't be 100 percent sure of anything. You get married, you think that everything in your life is going right and good, everything seems to have settled down, and then this happens!

If your husband fell in love with someone else, what should you do? The answer to this question is not so easy to find. On the one hand, it’s scary to start life again, but alone, and on the other hand, is it possible to save the family after everything that happened. It’s quite difficult to do without the advice of a psychologist. Which answer is correct?

Who is guilty

You are in a very unenviable position, but blaming others is the stupidest thing you can do right now. This is the first step into the abyss. You are at great risk of wallowing in regret that leads nowhere. You may begin to blame yourself, him, another woman, worry about unfulfilled hopes, or, in other words, simply mourn your unfortunate fate.

Indeed, a very unpleasant event happened to you. This is true. And you have the right to be sad and worried, but how long can they last and what will they ultimately lead to? Low self-esteem, bad mood and endless sadness. Do you need such companions in life? Don't think.

You know your husband best and try, in this difficult situation, to observe him. Does his confession sound like repentance and a way to talk about problems in the relationship? Or he actually stated this as a clear intention to leave.

It would seem, what's the difference? But it really is, for example, read. Sometimes a partner, no matter husband or wife, commits infidelity while running away from family difficulties and, unfortunately, sees the only way out. Everything stems from a difficult understanding of the primary problems and this is realized much later.

I believe that in any case you simply must clarify whether this is a hobby or whether your spouse is serious. A conversation is necessary for both of you, and without it you may be left with the feeling that this could have been resolved somehow. But it usually comes when nothing can be fixed.

If you understand that the family cannot be saved, your husband’s intentions to leave are firm and you do not see his doubts and repentance in the conversation, then this is truly irreversible. Feel free to move on to the following paragraphs, which will help you prepare for separation.

Quit can't give up

Only you have the right to choose where to put a comma in the phrase “You can’t quit.” Can you be completely sure of it? Do you guarantee that some time will pass and the situation will not repeat itself, only with a new participant in this love triangle?

In addition, you will have to prepare for a real war for the attention of this man who loves another woman and has decided to give up the role of a happy and worthy family man. What might your actions be?

You will need to try to forget about the grievances, surround him with attention, in no case try to reproach him for what he has done and show your strengths in every possible way, become the most understanding, beautiful and caring in the world. Is he really worthy of it, after everything that's happened?

Are you willing to be better than your previous self for the sake of a person who didn't appreciate you?

By the way, if your husband confessed his love for another woman, but continues to live with you, you still have to try to carefully “show him out.” He must see another life, be able to compare and even miss his “ex-wife”.

You can find a lot of interesting information on this topic in the book. Niki Nabokova “#In bed with your husband. Notes from a lover. A must read for wives!”. The book will give you strength no matter what conclusion you come to. Either way, you'll like what you read.

Leave everything to chance

The best solution would be to try to live on, but with another man or by learning to be independent. You may be familiar with the story of Olga Buzova, who, after breaking up with a famous football player, was able to take the path of least resistance and did the two truest things she could.

1. She managed to distract herself, and more specifically, took up her singing career.
2. She benefited from what happened - the necessary PR, which only helped her gain a foothold in the charts.

You may not have worldwide fame or popularity within the Russian Federation, but you have long known what to do if your husband fell in love with someone else, although perhaps these tips seem so simple to you that they do not attract too much attention.

First, try to distract yourself. Find a new hobby, take care of yourself, finally sign up for the courses you have long dreamed of. You have free time and you need to spend it on something. The faster you find where to put your energy, the less of it will be left for worries, unnecessary and thoughtless actions.

The second rule is to look for benefits in everything. Look at breaking up with your husband not from the position of a victim. Sorry, but happy families rarely leave. You may be in this 0.001%, but most likely the problems started a long time ago.

Try to view what happened as a release of a burden. You yourself would hardly dare to put an end to an unsuccessful romance. They did it for you. You are in a more advantageous position than your spouse: those around you are trying to support you, everyone is happy to spend their free time with you.

Perhaps pity is not the best feeling, but sometimes it is felt not for a person (I’m talking about “victims”), but for a situation. This is a completely different matter. You have a chance to prove yourself as a strong woman, so why not become one now?

That's all for me. See you again and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.

A married woman's nightmare - her husband loves another woman, but continues to live in the family. He comes home from her and goes to her, rushes to her from work, buys her flowers and spends time with her. With her, he is probably happy, cheerful, satisfied, but he brings home all the negativity and dissatisfaction. All these sad thoughts are spinning in the head of a wife who knows that her husband has fallen in love with another. She is not interested in anything else - neither her own life, nor children, nor work, nor hobbies. The center of her collapsed universe becomes her husband, who loves not her, but another.

Further more. Without attention, children learn worse, become insolent, associate with bad company, and leave home. At work, mistake after mistake, productivity drops, bonuses are not paid, the boss is dissatisfied, reprimands, and threatens with dismissal. The woman sleeps poorly and sobs into her pillow at night, does not eat and loses weight painfully, or eats excessively and rapidly gains weight, does not take care of herself and walks in a kind of disheveled manner with a dull look. In a very short time, she acquires problems that make her life hopeless. At this stage, many people fall into depression, real, clinical depression, requiring psychotherapy.

All this can be avoided if you act correctly in such a sad situation. Perhaps the situation is not so bad and the man is just carried away and not experiencing real feelings. Then you can find the strength to forgive him and restore the family. Or you should understand that the marriage relationship with this man has outlived its usefulness and simply give him a divorce. But we must remember that divorce is not the collapse of a whole life, not a tragedy. This is one of the stages of life that needs to be experienced. There are many men in the world, among them there is definitely one with whom you can create strong, warm relationships.

No matter how the relationship with her husband turns out in the end, in any case, a woman needs to continue to live, find and enjoy pleasure in every day, and draw benefit and life lessons from any situation.

Portrait of a cheating husband

How can you tell if your husband loves another woman? An attentive wife will notice the following changes in her husband:

• He began to take better care of himself, kept in shape, bought new clothes more often than usual, changed his hairstyle, began to wear a different perfume;
• The husband has stopped persuading his wife to have sex if she is one of the women who is always in pain;
• The husband does not part with the phone, he answers calls in privacy; most likely, you have set a password to access the list of calls and messages;
• His work schedule changed, meetings appeared, rush jobs, night shifts, and on the way home, heavy traffic jams began to arise;
• The husband began to return home with a slight aroma of drunk alcohol;
• His things smell different;
• He behaves differently with his wife. Some men begin to give gifts and bring flowers to their wives; others openly conflict with their wives and criticize them; still others stop noticing their wife, paying no more attention to her than to last year's newscast.

If the wife did not notice any changes in her husband, then it is not surprising that the man was looking for a woman on the side: such inattention pushes him to look for love affairs on the side. No matter how many years have passed since the wedding, we must not forget to pay attention to our husband. Indifference destroys even the strongest marriages. Relationships without proper support “decay.”

If a wife knows her husband’s beloved, she will notice the following phenomena:

• In her presence, the husband becomes nervous, behaves unnaturally, and becomes tongue-tied;
• In the presence of a woman or mutual acquaintances, a man likes to boast, talk about some “heroic” feat, or simply demonstrate his official position and material well-being;
• If the husband is, in principle, serious and restrained, then in communication with the woman he loves he can become more relaxed, and vice versa, the joker, for no reason at all, can begin to feel embarrassed about his openness;
• The husband reacts painfully to criticism of the woman he loves and to messages about her partners - former and current;
• The husband willingly participates in the life of his friend, helps her with everyday problems, takes her to some events, to the store, to the market;
• He sends her non-verbal signs of attention - in a conversation he strives to look into her eyes, turns to her with his whole body, the man stands between her and others.

Why did my husband fall in love with another woman?

Despite statements about polygamy of all men without exception, you need to know that they are, in principle, lazy. If a man is happy with everything in his family, he will be too lazy to look for a new woman, build a relationship with her, and waste time and money on courtship. If a man starts a relationship with a woman, it means that a crack has appeared in the family. Well, when a husband loves another woman, and does not just spend time with her for his own pleasure, there must be more than compelling reasons.

Among these reasons, men most often name:

• Dissatisfaction with his wife's appearance. For many men, their wife’s appearance is regarded as their own calling card. Accordingly, he no longer likes the unpresentable appearance, and over time he begins to look for an option more suitable to his criteria.
• Dissatisfaction with housekeeping. For the sake of a thin waist, a woman can eat buckwheat, kefir and wheat germ for months. If a man does not eat nourishingly and tasty, he feels uncomfortable. Many of them are irritated by the mountain of unwashed dishes in the sink, the pile of unironed clothes on the chair propping up the ceiling, and animal hair on clothes and dishes. Most men are picky about smell, although in general men's sense of smell is weaker than women's. The odors of burnt food, an uncleaned cat litter box, dampness, and the smell of dog hair are annoying. Therefore, a woman should maintain at least basic cleanliness in the house. Eating from clean dishes and sleeping on clean bed linen are the first requirements of personal hygiene, just like taking a shower and brushing your teeth every day. The same applies to the cleanliness of floors, furniture, and bathrooms.
• Dissatisfaction with material and living conditions. A basic lack of money for family needs, lack of stability, and living with parents or other relatives have destroyed more than one family. Usually, when a divorce occurs in such circumstances, it is not about love for another woman, but about the inability to live normally with his wife. The couple should mutually strive to provide their family with material goods, try to live separately, with their own family. At the same time, it is important not to go to the other extreme, putting material values ​​at the forefront and sacrificing rest, vacation and spiritual development to them.
• Dissatisfaction with sex life. If his wife is in pain every night, she is tired, not in the mood, offended, and so on, then the man will very quickly improve his intimate life with a strange woman. Sexual satisfaction is one of the basic needs of a man, so the wife’s task is to satisfy it, especially since intimate intimacy is very important for women’s mental and physical health. The quality of sexual relationships is no less important than the quantity, so the wife needs to get rid of complexes in this area and forget the arguments about what “decent women” do and what is prohibited. Between two adults, anything that both likes is normal.

All these circumstances will subsequently irritate another man with whom the woman begins to build a relationship, so it is worth eliminating them and starting a new life in new conditions.

Why does the husband live in the family, although he loves another woman?

If a man continues to live in a family, loving another woman, then most likely he

• Does not want to abandon children or separate them from their mother, taking them for themselves upon separation;
• Does not want to leave his familiar environment, especially if everything suits him in everyday life;
• Does not have a place where you can live with the woman you love;
• Loves a married woman who does not want to destroy her own marriage;
• He doesn’t love another woman so deeply if he doesn’t want to remove all the obstacles in the way of their life together.

There may be other reasons, very diverse, deeply individual.

Whatever the reason, the woman needs to decide whether she wants to live with her husband under such circumstances. Definitely, the dual situation will mentally exhaust each of them and exhaust the nervous system. Constant stress will also have an extremely negative effect on children.

What are the options for developing a relationship with a cheating husband?

There really aren't that many options.

• A man can remain in an ambivalent position for quite a long time, living with his wife and visiting his mistress. If his feelings for another woman are strong, then he may demand a divorce. If the feelings seem to be simple attraction, then the man will not leave his family. Another question is whether a woman needs such a relationship. She will have to answer this question on her own.
• A man will go to his mistress, especially if there are no children with his wife. Returning it is most likely useless. You should also not forgive and rebuild your life with him if he returns. Between spouses there will now always be the memory of betrayal and representation.
• The husband will break off relations with another woman and return to the family. Whether to take him back is up to the wife to decide. You need to clearly understand that the shadow of the past will now always fall on your future relationship with your husband. The woman will secretly look for signs that her husband has a new mistress.

What should a wife do: rules for crisis behavior

In any unclear situation, the most important thing to do is to analyze the reasons. This will be useful in any case - whether with this man or with another, but there is no need to repeat the mistakes made. Therefore, you should think carefully about everything and find out what was the impetus for the destruction of the relationship between the spouses.

Here's what you can't do:

• Torment yourself, your husband, your children with tears, hysterics, reproaches and accusations of a ruined life. Firstly, this is counterproductive behavior, and secondly, life is not destroyed, an unpleasant situation has simply arisen in it.
• Lock yourself at home alone with your feelings and irritate emotional wounds by engaging in self-flagellation.
• Seek meetings with a rival for any purpose - to persuade her to leave someone else’s husband, blackmail, threaten.
• Stalking your husband with calls, messages, lying in wait for him after work and trying to explain himself, threatening, intimidating, bringing children as a final argument.

All this only repels a man and makes a woman funny and vulnerable.

Men are mysterious creatures, with their habits and behavior often reminiscent of small children who are always putting into their mouths all sorts of bright and eye-catching nasty things. They tend to lie for the sake of their own peace of mind and benefit. They are capable of betraying, cheating on their loved ones, leaving, asking someone else to marry. Half of the male population of planet Earth leaves their wives and goes to their mistresses. The figure is, of course, terrifying...

If a husband announced to his wife that he fell in love with someone else and left for her, what should he do? How to answer two eternal Russian questions: who is to blame? So what should I do?

Naturally, on the one hand, any abandoned wife is frightened by the mere thought that she will have to start living again, alone, without a husband, and on the other hand, is there any possibility of saving the family after what happened. How can this be overcome and the former sincere and reverent feelings reanimated? After he fell in love with someone else and left for her?

Come back, I will forgive everything

So, after the first wave of hysterics and mutual reproaches, many women shout in despair after their husbands who are running away, having just hastily gathered their belongings. Of course, the unlucky husband fell in love with someone else and has no plans of returning. He flies, inspired by passion, and what seems to him like a new REAL love, into the tenacious arms of the triumphant homewrecker. Naively believing that, finally, true feelings and a new life await him!

Disappointment in a new relationship will not take long to occur. And if the abandoned wife does not come to her senses and stops bothering her with hysterics, interspersed with pleas to return, then a man capable of more or less analytical thinking will begin to think about whether it was worth leaving his beloved nest, with something familiar, dear and dear.

Exchange his wife, whom he once loved, and his children for some strange woman, even a young and very attractive one. The main thing for a wife who has decided to save her family and fight for her unlucky husband is to come to her senses in time, pull herself together and put aside her lamentations indefinitely.

The main thing is the right tactics. If he fell in love with someone else and left, accusations and reproaches with screams and pleas to return will definitely lead to nothing. What is called a tactical defeat in war? This is when our people retreat, running away in all directions, BUT - with a proud face! So the wife needs to keep her mark, preserve this very face, even if she retreats temporarily. As the spy from the military-historical novel said: give a little in order to then take everything for yourself.

Your husband must understand, first of all, that even though he fell in love with someone else and left, you are not his enemy. Then he will have absolutely no one to fight with. You will not turn into something threatening for him, as will be persistently imposed on him from the “other” side. He will stop behaving warily towards you and, as they say, will lose his vigilance, over time objectively comparing what is more valuable to him, where he is more comfortable and better.

Here you can even “help” him make the right decision. After all, who else if not you know your husband better and can unobtrusively “influence” his “own” decision? With this behavior, the likelihood that your husband will return to you will rapidly increase. Banal manipulation? Maybe. But, if your spouse fell in love with someone else and left, and you have already made the difficult decision to save the family and prove to your husband at any cost that you, and not some nimble little shrew, are the only love of his life, then you face a serious battle. And in war, as they say, all means are good.

A cool head is the best weapon

My friend Julia once shared her story of the return of a prodigal man to the bosom of his family. They were married for eight years and have a child. The family lived well and, as it seemed, cloudlessly. One day Yulia began to notice that her husband was staying late at work more and more often. He became somehow alien and prickly. Plus, suspiciously strange shortcomings began to appear in the family budget, which Valerka himself rather sluggishly and implausibly tried to explain.

Yulka, of course, could theoretically admit that Valera had found a new sweetheart, but she tried to attribute the oddities and inconsistencies that were occurring to troubles and stress at her husband’s work. In short, I tried to hide my head in the sand. But the mistress decided to go on the offensive on all fronts and called Yulia herself.

Having spoken nasty things to poor, stunned Yulka, she said that Valera fell in love with someone else, that is, with her. So, as one children's song says: dry your oars, sir! For Yulka it was a blow. After all, in essence, we are wise when it concerns not us, but someone else. We are easily able to give out advice left and right, however, when something like this happens to us...

Where are our notorious wisdom, patience and tact disappearing to? That's right - they turn off. We live by emotions. That’s how Yulia, at first, acted according to the principle: the barn is on fire - so is the hut! And Valera had a hard time at all. However, poor deceived and abandoned Yulia did not want to give up so easily. She was really hurt by the poisonous barbs that the homewrecker generously bestowed on her. Yulka somehow managed to pull herself together, wiped away her snot and began to act. She decided to return her husband at any cost. And she returned it! But what cunning and incredible tricks she had to resort to! It even got to the point that she tracked down where her husband and his mistress were nesting and, with the help of one “friend,” secretly opened the lock and entered there when the lovebirds were not at home.

You will laugh, but there Yulka decided to perform a series of some unthinkable ritual actions, which a certain “hereditary” psychic advised her to carry out. What can you do, a desperate woman, driven to the edge of the abyss of loneliness, is ready for much...

Otherwise, she acted quite reasonably, following the advice of psychologists. She made an effort and did not show aggression. I tried to be friendly, attentive and sensitive. I began to take more care of my appearance. She changed her hair and makeup - strengthened the façade, so to speak. Gradually, the husband's visits to visit their son became more frequent and increased in time. The husband even began to stay with them overnight. Which drove the mistress to white heat.

Now the homewrecker herself could not control her emotions and became hysterical to the fullest. And Julia managed to improve her relationship with her husband. Valerka, in the end, and not without Yulka’s participation, “independently” made a decision and asked to go back. As they say, Carlson is back!

Since love is evil, change the goat!

Yes, this is a story, as they say, with a happy ending. But it also happens differently. And, despite the efforts and tricks of the abandoned woman, the ex-husband remains to live with his mistress, solemnly transferring her to the rank of his legal wife. Of course, this happens all the time. Therefore, in order to somehow find strength in ourselves and not go crazy from the shock we have suffered, let’s consider a number of tips dictated by optimism and common sense, which are always lacking in such a situation:

So, advice number one: try to calmly talk with your husband and understand what caused his betrayal. What didn’t suit him about you? Is he ready to make an effort and work with you to fix and improve something? After all, you yourself could have served as a catalyst for him to fall in love with someone else and leave the family.

Advice two: As Alexander Rodionovich Borodach says - understand and forgive. Yes, yes, why keep unforgiven grievances to yourself? This is negative energy that destroys your health and has never led to anything good. Only by learning to truly forgive will we be able to breathe much easier and life will sparkle with bright colors. Naturally, this is easier said than done. But you have to try!

Tip three: Don't focus on the problem. Do not withdraw into yourself and indulge in neither self-criticism nor self-regret. Abstract yourself - there are a million ways! Take care of yourself: sports, dancing, aerobics, swimming, and at worst - skydiving! Try to get as many positive emotions and “good” adrenaline as possible. Walks with children or with friends, trips, travel. Books, movies, theaters will also be useful to you. On the contrary, you can overwhelm yourself with work so that you have less time for sad thoughts.

Tip four: work on thoughts and feelings. We are making every effort to erase our ex-husband from our memory, since he fell in love with someone else and left. Let's turn off the concentration on our grief. Let's not torture ourselves with memories. This is incredibly difficult, but... sooner or later it will have to be done. And if, using all your attempts, you have not succeeded in saving your family, then it’s time to separate and let your ex-spouse go. Forever. Your ex is not the kind of person who deserves to deprive you of a normal, quiet life because he fell in love with someone else and left. Feel free to throw it out of your head without allowing it to return there. If you do not pass such a test, then you will become firmly stuck in the swamp of your emotions and grievances. Which will not make you happier. We must live with hope for a bright future, and not with suffering from a past life.

It may happen that none of the advice helps you. Don't be upset or despair. It’s just that you are still at the beginning of the path - a difficult path, undoubtedly leading to a new, brighter and better life, where new hope for family happiness will definitely await you. But, having gone through this difficult period of life, you will finally be able to throw off the heavy burden of your own suffering. It may well be that you won’t succeed in many things right away, and this is absolutely natural. But you are not alone. Many have already managed to go through this and win, no matter how insurmountable these trials may seem. Surely you can too.