Mothers of spoiled children. To prevent a child from growing up selfish, the mother must be selfish. A child is an egoist: what to do

Reading time: 2 min

Children's egoism is considered a character trait that does not demonstrate the best side of the child's personality. The problem of children's egoism is that it causes inconvenience, not only to the baby, but also to the adult environment, causing everyone a vicious circle of endless dissatisfaction. Children's egoism is caused by behavior about personal gain or benefit, while the child puts his own interests above the interests of others. Healthy selfishness means the child’s desire for everything positive, pleasant, joyful, which contributes to the growth and self-affirmation of the baby. Therefore, the kid pesters with endless requests to see what he broke, drew, built, washed, made. And this is not arrogance, but the need to declare oneself and take one’s place among others. Much depends on the adults how the baby will grow up. Selfishness is not an innate quality, it is considered an acquired phenomenon, often nurtured by loving parents.

If a family constantly exaggerates the importance of a child’s personality, admires her actions, discusses her talents and abilities, and compares the child with other less successful children, then this will inevitably lead to the development of selfishness and the formation of egoism in the child. Satisfaction of whims, giving a child toys and indulging all desires can raise a domestic tyrant.

From the very birth of a baby, selfishness is the norm and the only way to survive. In the first year of life, as soon as the baby doesn’t like or need something, he reports it by crying loudly. The child does not think about other individuals, their needs and desires; it is important for him that his needs are met.

Gradually growing up, the baby learns to crawl, walk, talk, and as before, all the attention of adults is focused on him alone, but it is too early to talk about selfishness. The turning point is when the baby begins to separate himself from others, contrasts and realizes his “I”. This is often accomplished by the age of three, when the baby begins to use the pronoun “I” in his speech. It is at this stage of interaction with society that it is necessary to look for ways to prevent the formation of children's egoism.

Selfishness can flourish in the family, while in children's environment it quickly receives a rebuff. Therefore, adults should not isolate the child in the family, but should expand his zone of communication with peers. The baby is adapting to the social environment: he took away a toy - he gave it to him, he helped a peer climb a slide - he pushed him down the slide, he hit him - he hugged him, etc. If parents only note the child’s negative actions and do not notice the good ones, then the child will have a reason to become angry.

This way, a form of alienated egoism will gradually appear, and systematic accusations of selfishness can lead to the child adopting the image of an “egoist.” This is often typical at school age. Why is this dangerous? A child may like this image, since this position makes it possible to free himself from emotional distress for a bad deed. Consolidating a selfish image in a schoolchild can lead to self-respect for one’s personality with such “coolness” when the child “builds up all the adults.” In the future, egoism formed in this way contributes to the emergence of difficult teenagers. In adult life, with such “baggage” difficulties will arise in interpersonal relationships.

The problem with children's egoism is that adults, failing to grasp the age limit and continuing to convince the child that he is the best and the only one, themselves cultivate an egoist. With age, a teenager's needs and demands will increase, and extortion will turn into a character trait with spiritual callousness. Selfishness has negative consequences not only for others, but also for the teenager himself. Sometimes egoism takes the form of egocentrism, which is characterized by the inability to accept and allow a point of view different from one’s own.

How to deal with children's egoism? The struggle lies in the fact that a lot of things need to be explained to the child, prohibitions must not be avoided, the child must understand the word “impossible.” Parents should refrain from satisfying all the demands of “me, want, give.” It is important to teach your child to help adults, clean up scattered things after themselves, and put away toys.

How to overcome childhood selfishness? The baby should be given a lot of attention so that he does not feel the need to beg for it with whims and tears. If the baby knows that he is loved and needed, if he is comfortable and does not “fight” for attention, then in this case the baby will think about others, because others think about him. To form a full-fledged personality, it is necessary to constantly praise the child, but it is important not to overdo it in comparison with the successes of other children.

It is possible to eradicate selfishness in a child if you do not manipulate the child. If “no” was said, then you should stick to your line to the end. Otherwise, the child will quickly learn to achieve what he wants, without caring about the interests of others. It is necessary to show your child an example of caring for others. You shouldn’t give him the last candy, but you need to divide it between the baby and dad. You should express sincere joy if the baby puts away his toys and helps the adults put them away. When picking up a baby from kindergarten, it is important to be interested not only in what he was doing today, but also in what his friends were doing: what they were drawing, what figures they were making from plasticine. Having noticed signs of selfishness in a child, you should not panic and punish the baby. You should observe the baby, think about exactly what mistakes were made by adults in raising them and gradually try to eradicate them.

Let us list the typical mistakes of adults leading to the formation of selfishness in adolescents:

Exaggeration of the importance of a teenager's personality. The adequacy of the assessment is important here: one should not praise without reason, one should not hush up the real merits of a teenager;

Imposing on the child personal pragmatic attitudes and desires that will reduce the child’s interest in life;

Carrying out tasks for the child, which will deprive them of their own initiative;

Personal egoistic example of adults that violates the child’s moral ideas due to internal conflict;

Bribing children for housework, for school grades;

Excessive, large educational activity of the family, which reduces the child’s personality.

Advice from a psychologist on how to deal with childhood selfishness:

Remove petty supervision (wake you up in the morning, remind you about important matters; sit while doing homework; serve during meals and after);

Give the child the opportunity to gain negative experience for his actions or inactions, allow him to make his own decisions;

Everyone should be taught to provide all possible help at home;

It is important to encourage positive assessments of his friends;

It is necessary to expand the child’s social environment and teach him to live in it.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

Ecology of knowledge. Children: What if you try to stop sacrificing everything for the sake of your children? Essay on education!

Well,” said the friend, looking skeptically at the squeaking bundle, tightly tied with a blue ribbon, “you brought a tyrant into the house.” Still small. But remember, it will grow. So don’t delay, get a second one immediately. Then they will “close themselves” on each other and will not grow up to be completely selfish.

Having not yet recovered from the first, I didn’t even dare to think about the second. “I’ll try to live with a tyrant!” - I mentally said to myself and plunged to the very top of my head into the happiness of motherhood.

At first, the “tyrant” and I got used to each other. Then we learned to understand each other. Then they rejoiced at their first achievements. And all this time, my compassionate friends and neighbors never tired of frightening me: “Wait, when he grows up, you’ll find out. If you remember how you didn’t let him get away with it, you’ll spoil it!”

And we became more and more interesting with each other. I read all sorts of smart books and fearlessly tried out pedagogical novelties on Denis. And he bravely clung to the horizontal bar in his crib, and began to walk early, bypassing the “crawling” stage, and in winter he ran barefoot in the snow, and at the age of three he read his first book.

“Not a mother, but a sadist!” - the neighbors were openly indignant when they once again saw the baby without a hat. “You can’t dissolve into posterity like that!” - those around me pronounced their verdict and waited with undisguised gloating for me to begin to reap the bitter pedagogical fruits.

In turn, the cub also began to test the mother’s strength, trying to determine the limits of what was permitted. For some time I was able to resolve conflicts through negotiations. The method, let's face it, takes time. The undercooked porridge was put aside, the unwashed dishes were pushed aside and... a fairy tale was composed about another impolite bunny or dirty pig.

But one day the practiced technique failed. The child kicked the floor and, going into hysterics, demanded that he be scolded by that “single” little thing from the top shelf. My common sense was rejected, and the roar gained momentum. My first instinct was to give her a legitimate maternal spanking. Fleeing from temptation, I stood up and left, closing the door behind me.

For about two minutes the roar grew, then it stuck on one note and... turned into a monotonous whimper. And a second later my very surprised child appeared on the threshold: “Why did you leave?!” I’m paying you!” His indignation knew no bounds. “No, please cry to yourself if you like it so much. I don't like it, so I left. People, if they want to understand each other, talk, not roar..."

This was our first test of strength. The potential “tyrant” understood: mother does not consider unreasonable demands expressed in categorical form. And screaming into the void is more expensive for yourself. I understood: no matter how sorry it is for a child choking in tears, sometimes you need to give him the opportunity to cry...

The next test site was a store. The mothers, who had already known all the charm of public extortion with howls and shouts: “Buy it, you greedy!”, admitted: this is truly an indescribable feeling! When Denis led me to the most expensive car and loudly demanded: “Mom, buy it!”, I tensed up internally (“Here it is - it’s beginning!”). Then she took his hand and walked up to the coat hanging next to him: “Denisa, buy me this!” I like it so…"

I still see my son’s utterly amazed face in front of me: “Mommy,” he said in a whisper for some reason, “but I don’t have money...” “You know,” I said in a conspiratorial tone, “I don’t have any either, so that I will be left without a new coat for now, and you will be left without a car. Is it coming?

Having willingly agreed, my son trotted off to the exit. Since then, during any shopping trips, he touchingly asked whether we had enough money for food, ice cream, and toys. And even now, being already a teenager, he never starts material disputes. Firstly, because they are aware of my capabilities. Secondly, he knows: just like that - “out of spite” or for educational purposes - I will not limit his pocket money. If I don’t give, it means I really can’t. And it seems normal to me that Denis (by all laws of the genre, obliged to be an egoist) spent his first money, honestly earned at the Mathematical Olympiad, not on CDs or chewing gum, but proudly brought it to his mother.

Listening to my friends talk about how their one and only offspring give ultimatums and almost threaten suicide if they refuse to buy a computer or new sneakers, I think: This cup passed from me because I never created a separate “children’s” life for my child.

I introduced my son, as far as his age allowed, to my problems. And not only material ones. I taught him to listen to the state of mind of those who are nearby. He knew that mom might be in a bad mood because of troubles at work. I understood when it was better not to talk about going to the park, because I had to hand over the material to the room. (And so that what I do would not be an abstraction for him, at my encouragement he himself tried to “publish” his own magazine.)

He was never the “center of the universe” around which his relatives revolved. But I always knew that something depended on him too. For example, if he learns to cook dinner, he will be able to spend all his holidays outside the city. (At twelve years old, making pancakes, frying potatoes, boiling spaghetti and reheating cutlets is no problem for him! On special occasions, he can even bake a cake.)

If he proves that he knows his way around the city well, he will go to computer clubs, libraries and programming courses. If not, I’ll have to stay at home, because I don’t have time to carry it. I passed the “urban orienteering” exam with flying colors, so now the child sometimes tells me how to get to places more conveniently.

I became convinced that it is mothers who extinguish independence in children, even when Denis was three years old. I remember in Gorky Park we humbly stood in line and watched the same picture. The carousel slows down, and immediately, as if on command, mothers rush towards it to take their children off, followed by others to put them on. I, like a true “sadist” (remember?), let the child go alone. He competently chooses “his” beast. Climbing. Slips off. Tries again.

I am using my last strength not to rush to help. But here it is, a small victory! Denis finally climbed onto his horse and is positively beaming with happiness. “You’re the first one who didn’t rush to pick up the boy,” the creaky voice of an old servant sounds over my ear. “And who are these mothers raising for themselves?”

But we really create future problems or joys for ourselves.“My idiot is already fourteen, but he won’t make himself a sandwich, won’t make his bed, won’t sew on a button...” - you’ve probably heard this more than once.

Why, one wonders, will he do all this if his mother does it much better and she willingly served him until he was fourteen? He really doesn't understand why things have to change.

Once upon a time I intuitively guessed, but now I’m almost sure: in order for a child not to grow up selfish, you have to be a selfish mother. I have never “sacrificed everything” for my son. Moreover, she did not hide her weaknesses from him. Four-year-old Denis knew for sure: his mother likes to sleep in the morning. So he would get dressed quietly, go to the kitchen, eat cookies and yogurt, and play alone until I left the bedroom. Now, while studying at school during his first shift, he gets ready on his own, has breakfast, walks the dog and goes to class. Mom can sleep peacefully!

Besides, I never forgot that my son is a man. And I am a woman! Passengers almost fell out of the windows, watching the five-year-old gentleman shake hands with his mother as he got off the bus. The wardrobe attendants at the children's theater were simply thrilled by the touching scene: the baby is trying to help his mother put on her coat.

Today, all these etiquette rituals are absolutely natural and familiar to Denis. Of course I like it. I generally like my son. And I'm not embarrassed to tell him about it. He knows that I am always ready to understand, listen, and support him. I am aware of all his affairs and problems. He also knows mine quite well.

I have never strived to be an inaccessible idol for a child - broadcasting and commanding, punishing and merciful. Or a maid, ready to fulfill any whim. I always wanted to be his friend. I don't "sculpt" it. I don’t dream that he will “accomplish what I failed to do.” I want him to live his life. Interesting to him. And for this, without drill and tediousness, without forced participation in clubs and music, and gradually and inadvertently, I “slipped” all new hobbies to him. To have as much food for thought and opportunities for choice as possible. “How do you manage to pretend that you are interested in all this? - a friend once asked. “My Sashka starts telling me about his computers, and it immediately puts me to sleep.”

I had to admit that I don't understand the question. I'm really interested! Fascinated by astronomy, we went at night to look at the starry sky through binoculars. We got sick of cacti and spent all our free time in flower shops. Together we glued the aquarium and cried over every dead fish. Together we looked for our runaway, dissolute poodle. They even embroidered at one time - and then together!

What are you doing! - the older and more experienced ones taught me. - The child clings to you so much that no man can squeeze in next to you. You will never arrange your life again after a divorce!

I didn’t think so, gradually accustoming Denis to the fact that he does not have a monopoly on his mother. He knew: mom should have a personal life. I’m used to the fact that I can come late, that I’m often invited somewhere. He took it without enthusiasm. But now he jokes that he has lived all his life in conditions of fierce competition, which is why he has learned to indulge all my whims. And he also knows: he can’t feel bad if his mother is happy.

Of course, my restless neighbors sarcastically, a child has to be responsible. You don’t look after him: either the bowling alley, or the sports club, or the hairdresser...

I'm not looking! Because I taught him self-care in time. I don't check my lessons. Because I know: he will do them himself and without my reminders. I don’t even always ask about grades. Because I’m sure that in response I’ll hear about a “harvest” of A’s. And I don’t even go to parent-teacher meetings. Because my ideas about education absolutely do not fit into school dogma.

I know for sure that I won’t cook him three-course meals every day, I won’t wash his socks and I won’t rush to iron the creases on his trousers. I feel sorry for my own energy and time. But I will put aside all matters, all dates, all “hot” materials in order to read poetry with him, talk about love, friendship and betrayal, or simply about why Irka from a parallel class came to school today with burgundy hair... published

It is generally accepted that selfishness is characteristic only of adults. In fact, egoism begins its development from birth, even the conception of a person. It’s just that parents initially react positively to its manifestations, only then starting to reproach the child for being selfish. Children's selfishness really does exist. If your child is like this, then you will definitely want to get advice from a psychologist on how to overcome it.

Every parent should distinguish healthy selfishness from unhealthy. Selfishness is inherent in absolutely all people. It is inherent by nature in every person from birth. A child should not be spared from healthy egoism, because then he will become a weak-willed victim of all the people who will surround him. At the same time, one must fight against unhealthy egoism, which makes a person a greedy, vain, narcissistic and inadequate individual.

• Healthy egoism is aimed at growth, personal development, knowledge of the world around us, and maintaining one’s well-being and happiness.
• Unhealthy egoism is aimed at a consumerist attitude towards others, self-exaltation at their expense, and neglect. Here they say that a person (child) thinks only about himself, and when he does not get what he wants, he begins to be capricious, aggressive or offended.

Healthy egoism is manifested, for example, in the fact that a child begins to cry when he is hungry, wants to do everything himself in order to develop certain vital skills, and is interested in those types of activities that develop him as a person. If parents begin to interfere with the child’s development and growth, then they will destroy him as a person.

Unhealthy selfishness manifests itself, for example, in the fact that a child takes away other people's toys, forces parents to do his homework, and treats others as service personnel. If parents do not take up the task of raising a child, then they can raise a tyrant, an egoist, a criminal or an outcast from society.

What is childish egoism?

Children's selfishness is most often attributed to a negative quality. What it is? This is a quality of character when a child satisfies his personal needs and desires. If unhealthy selfishness manifests itself, then this causes resentment among adults. The child thinks exclusively about his own benefit and benefit, putting personal desires above those of others. This differs from healthy egoism, when a child is engaged in satisfying his needs, which help him grow, improve, and assert himself.

What kind of selfishness a child will have depends on the upbringing of the parents. This quality is acquired, although it takes its roots from instinctive impulses - the survival instinct.

At the beginning of life, children's selfishness is a normal manifestation, which is based on the survival instinct. If a child is hungry, he doesn’t like something or is uncomfortable, he announces this by crying loudly. He is not interested in the needs of his parents, their desires and their state of health. This should be treated normally, since this is the only way the baby can survive until he has all the necessary self-care skills.

However, as the child grows, his upbringing begins. If parents indulge all the whims and desires of the child, satisfy all the needs, admire his personality, compare him with other children and call him the best, praise him for the slightest action, then they develop complacency and selfishness in him. This develops unhealthy selfishness when the child does not know about boundaries and limits.

Psychologists believe that it is quite normal to indulge a child in everything and react to him until he reaches 3 years of age. Around the age of 3, the child begins to separate himself from other people, becomes aware of his “I”, and begins to delimit his own space. It is from this age that all measures should be taken that combine caring for the child, providing for him, and raising him as a non-selfish person.

Egoism is best eliminated in a children's group. Here, other children will not allow the child to offend them, although there are exceptions. Only within the family does children's egoism flourish when parents indulge and encourage the child in everything. Over time, such developed egoism will appeal to the child, who will now consider himself “cool” because he “builds adults.” In adolescence, it will make the teenager difficult to control, and in adulthood it will create numerous problems in relationships with others.

Selfishness makes a person mentally callous, which will also not please parents who continue to make their child an egoist. A selfish person is not able to accept someone else's point of view and get along with people.

Children's selfishness - how to overcome it?

To overcome children's selfishness, parents will have to change their upbringing measures. It should be understood that it was mom and dad who did everything to make their child become selfish. Re-education begins with them when they change the tactics of raising their baby. It consists of the following:

1. A child is taught to work when, for example, he has to help his parents or clean up his toys.
2. The child is told “no” and “no”. You should show your child that not all his whims will be fulfilled at the first “I want.” It is necessary to say “you can’t”, set boundaries, create boundaries beyond which you are not allowed, otherwise punishment will come.
3. The child is praised for the actions that he actually performed. You shouldn't praise for everything. Praise those actions that are truly important and valuable.
4. The child should not be compared with other children. Comparison always leads to competition. If a child is better than everyone else, then he simply grows up narcissistic. If the child is the worst, then he begins to hate everyone, which he does.
5. The child should be given enough attention. He should feel that he is thought about, loved and cared for. His whims are not indulged, he is simply given the most important thing for every person.
6. The child should say “no” and stand his ground. He will be capricious. If parents retreat from their position, then they will secretly make it clear that they should continue to be capricious if the child wants to get his way. He will learn to think exclusively about himself.
7. The child should not be given the “last” and “most delicious”. The latest and most delicious should be shared, for example, with dad or mom. This teaches the child to be equal.
8. The child should be asked not only about what happened to him throughout the day, but also about what his friends did.

Parents may make a mistake and not notice how they have developed selfishness in their child. Typical parenting mistakes are:

• Inadequate assessment of the child. He should not be elevated in comparison to others. Don't praise for something that doesn't exist.
• Imposing your desires and interests on a child, which reduces his motivation and interest.
• Paying money for housework or getting good grades in school.
• Doing the child's work for him.
• Be selfish yourself, because a child always copies his parents.
• Decreased self-esteem of the child, which can lead to rebellion.

Parents must change their behavior towards the baby, which may include the following:

1. Elimination of petty supervision: waking you up in the morning, spoon-feeding, sitting next to you while doing homework, explaining everything, etc.
2. Accustomed to helping parents around the house, which is not paid.
3. Allowing your child to make mistakes and have negative experiences. Allow your child to make some decisions on his own.
4. Expanding the child’s social environment, where he comes into contact with other people who can correct his selfishness.

It should be remembered that the child will soon grow up and go out into the big world of people, where no one will look after him, court him and indulge his whims. To make it easier for your child to build relationships with other people in the future, you should rid him of childish egoism. The advice of a psychologist will help here.

Selfishness should not be viewed as an exclusively negative quality. If a child develops, improves and learns about the world around him, then his selfishness is justified. It should be understood that a child can show unhealthy selfishness in primitive ways: crying, resentment, whims, hysterics. It is when they manifest themselves that one should remain calm and steadfast in the position of “no means no.” The child will then learn a lot.

It is quite natural for every child to be capricious in various ways at first when he does not get his way. This is where selfishness comes into play. However, the calmness and stable position of adults can show the child that in this world not everything revolves around his “I want”, “give”, etc.

It is not recommended to make your child “the best” or, conversely, compare him with others, pointing out his shortcomings. There's nothing wrong with your child, he's normal. He cannot be better or worse than others, otherwise such educational measures will only cause selfishness or aggression in him.

A child should not be taught to love others. This will make him a victim in the hands of others. Let's not forget that people who want to please everyone become victims in the hands of manipulators. If you don’t want your child to be taken advantage of, cultivate in him self-love and respect for others, as well as the skill of noticing when other selfish people are using him.

Your child lives in the same world in which all adults live (including you). It should be understood that as the baby grows up and goes out into the outside world, he gradually faces various restrictions, boundaries, rules and prohibitions. If a child is selfish, then he does not understand these limitations, tries to fight them with whims and suffers from this himself. At the same time, he directs all the anger for his own failures and lack of success at those who sincerely love him. Often in this case we are talking about parents.

If you cannot re-educate a selfish child on your own, you should seek the help of a specialist. This can be done on the psychological help website, where consultants will initially work through the whole situation and give useful advice.

Bottom line

Childish selfishness is a natural manifestation of a child who is fighting for his own survival. However, gradually the child’s desires and needs grow, which is why he begins to desire more than he needs for life and well-being. It is precisely in selfish and selfish desires that it is recommended to stop the child. This will lead to a positive outcome when the child understands what can and cannot be done.

This task falls on parents, who can use gentle measures to help the child become a “healthy egoist.” Otherwise, society will engage in re-education, which will hit his “selfish” nature much harder and more painfully.

All parents want their children to grow up kind and grateful. But often the opposite happens, and it happens that children grow up to be terrible egoists, despite the love and care of their parents.

Why this happens and what to do to prevent it from happening, he will tell you 4mama.

Many parents, especially mothers, very often give all of themselves to their children, taking care of their children, often forgetting to take care of themselves.

It would seem that children in the future should certainly be grateful to their mother for such an attitude. But what do we often see as a result?

From such children you can often hear disrespect for parents, manifestations of selfishness and phrases like “Who asked you (to give up work, your hobby, your interests)?!” In addition, often mothers, devoting themselves entirely to their children, often thereby destroy their relationship with their husband, and often because of this they end up alone. At the same time, they don’t worry about this at all, because they have children, they have someone to live for.

Unfortunately, in the end they may be left completely alone, because the children will begin their own independent lives, and the new spouse never appears (and how can he get involved if such a woman has only children on her mind).
What parental behavior causes children to grow up selfish?

Parents do everything for their children

The reasons for this behavior in adults may be different. The first is when it is easier and faster for a mother to do something herself than to ask the child, because she already has little time for everything.

The second is when a mother continues to believe that her son or daughter is still too small or sickly, and they simply cannot cope on their own (even if they turn 18 in a month). You can often see a similar situation in public transport, when a mother enters a subway car with her fairly adult son and seats him in an empty seat, while remaining standing.

Such children get used to doing nothing, and view their parents more as service personnel. Moreover, the adults themselves taught them to do this. For children, this behavior is already becoming the norm.

Then you shouldn’t be surprised when an adult child will continue to go and ask or even demand money from his mother, will not be able to find a normal job (he needs to make an effort) and his home will be a constant mess (after all, he is not used to looking after himself) .

Parents bribe their children with gifts and toys

To prevent their children from boring them, some parents, due to being busy or for other reasons, simply bribe their children with various, including expensive, gifts.

Such children soon get used to the fact that material things are more important than human relationships and parental attention. There is a replacement of values. At the same time, these people often feel deeply unhappy.

And in the future, parents continue to demand more and more material benefits and gifts - after all, the adults themselves taught them to do this!

Constant criticism and excessive demands

There is another extreme when parents demand too much from their children. Or they pick too much on one child, for example, in a large family, especially if the child is unwanted and unloved.

Growing up, such children try to leave their parents' home as soon as possible and start an independent life in order to get rid of constant pressure.

Carrying out their plans, such children rejoice in freedom, and try to remember the past, including their parents, as little as possible. Parents perceive this behavior as selfishness, although in fact, this is not entirely true.

A sad situation arises especially when one child is desired and loved, but the second is not. Then the parents again risk being left alone in the future, since one child will be too spoiled, and the second, on the contrary, will be too “downtrodden.”

It is always very important to be able to find and maintain a “golden mean” in raising children, of course, to love them, communicate, take care of them and teach them to work from a very early age. And also try to maintain discipline and explain life values. In this case, your child will grow up to be a full-fledged harmonious personality, capable of doing good deeds and noble deeds.

Photobank lori.ru

Not all boys have fathers, and those who do are often busy. One way or another, the upbringing of future men often falls on women’s shoulders.

As a rule, mothers get down to business with enthusiasm. True, rarely do any of them admit that they are “sculpting” their son into a future man who would please her personally: would please her maternal pride with successes (often in those areas where she herself was unable to realize herself), would not upset her with injuries and other boyish problems.

And hardly any mother will agree that she wants her son to grow up dependent on her. But in practice, he may well do everything possible for this.

1. Remember that your son is your everything. Dedicate yourself completely to him. Let the circle of your interests close on it. You have already managed to live “for yourself”, but now his successes are your successes, and his failures are your failures. Give up on your husband too - he probably didn’t live up to your expectations. You will raise the man of your dreams yourself.

2. Keep everything that concerns your son under control, because life is full of dangers. Pay especially close attention to those with whom he is friends and who offends him - if anything happens, immediately come to his aid. Let all the boys in the area know: your son has a formidable protector - his mother. Never leave him alone with problems - always lend a shoulder.

3. Strive to protect your son from difficulties and surround him with comfort: it is unknown how his life will turn out in the future - let him remember his youth with warmth. Let everything and always be no worse for him than for others. It’s better that you don’t eat enough, don’t sleep enough, don’t buy yourself some thing, but your son shouldn’t need anything.

4. Let your son know that he is special - the most talented, the most educated, the most beautiful, and so on. Those who do not agree with this should not pay attention - they are jealous. Teach your son to look down on such people.

Photobank lori.ru

5. Take care of your son’s health and teach him to take care of himself: let him dress warmly so as not to catch a cold, let him not run during recess so as not to sweat, let him not carry a heavy briefcase - up to the fifth grade you can do this yourself. Let him always sit on public transport - it shakes a lot, and the boy’s skeleton is just forming. Start accumulating certificates of chronic diseases in advance (they cannot but exist!) for the military registration and enlistment office. From childhood, instill in your son that he has nothing to do in the army - it is harmful to his health.

6. Do not encourage your son to develop independence, otherwise you will not be able to protect him from mistakes. Always help him in everything, remind him of everything, be his alarm clock and organizer, do his homework with him, choose a university, a faculty, a bride for him - he is still too inexperienced for such serious decisions.

7. Let your son know from early childhood that disobedience to his mother is his worst offense. Punish for disobedience: do not talk to him for as long as he can stand it. Until he repents, do not forgive. It’s difficult, but necessary to understand the main thing: without your mother, you’re nowhere!

8. From an early age, instill in your son that he should not rush into marriage. Where will he find a bride who has all the positive qualities of his mother? The time is not the same now - there are no worthy brides, girls are spoiled and materialistic from an early age. If this doesn’t work out for your son’s personal life, let him not despair: he has a mother - a faithful friend who will never betray.