What to do if a child is beaten. Why does a mother beat her child? Other reasons for using corporal punishment
Some will be surprised and find this question very strange, because it is common knowledge that physical punishment is not the best disciplinary strategy.
However, some parents are still of the opinion that education with a stick is much more effective than the currently popular education with carrots. It is necessary to figure out where the line is that separates reasonable punishment and unjustified cruelty.
The question of whether to beat or not to beat a child, as a rule, appears to parents when their beloved child turns two or three years old.
During this age period, personality formation occurs, the baby also absorbs various information, equips himself with new skills and studies the limits of what is permitted.
Obviously, such a process of growing up must be accompanied by various troubles, since the child learns about the world through trial and error. He studies and tests literally everything, and such behavior often poses a danger to children's health.
It is quite natural that every parent tries to protect their baby from various traumatic situations. It is also clear that when such cases arise, mothers and fathers are overwhelmed by bright and strong emotions.
In addition, children at the age of three enter a special crisis period, when stubbornness, despotism, negativism, obstinacy, and willful “notes” appear in their behavior. Some kids become completely uncontrollable.
Adolescents are also not distinguished by exemplary behavior; they are prone to egocentrism, maximalism and a tendency to manipulative actions.
That is why infrequent outbursts of anger and the desire to spank their beloved child in their hearts visit even the most loving and most liberal parents. And this is quite normal, however, there are situations when the desire to physically punish a child can be considered something abnormal.
Other reasons for using corporal punishment
Statistics show that the overwhelming majority of domestic parents admitted that in their childhood their parents used physical punishment against them.
Moreover, 65% of all respondents are still fully confident that the use of such strict disciplinary measures by their parents was only for their benefit, so they rarely use corporal punishment on their children.
What are the sources of such ambiguous parenting decisions?
- Family traditions. Some adults may take out their own childhood grievances and complexes on their child. Moreover, mothers and fathers do not even accept other methods of persuasion and education, believing that a slap on the head and a good word can achieve more than just a good word.
- Reluctance to educate or lack of time. As already noted, education is a complex process, so for some parents it is much easier to hit a child than to have long conversations with him, proving him wrong.
- Parental helplessness. Adults grab the strap out of despair and a simple lack of knowledge about how to cope with a disobedient or uncontrollable child.
- Own failure. Sometimes parents hit their child on the bottom just because they need to take out their anger on someone for their own failures. Any childish misbehavior becomes a reason to lash out and “take it out” on the child for your problems at work or in your personal life.
- Mental instability. For some moms and dads, strong emotions are vital. They get them when they scream and beat children for no reason. Then, fueled by strong emotions, the parent who beat the child cries with him.
Thus, there are many reasons for using harsh disciplinary measures. And those who think that only alcoholic parents or other antisocial individuals are interested in such educational methods are wrong. It remains to be understood why such measures are undesirable.
Why can't you hit a child?
Fortunately, many adults who use physical punishment on children know how to stop in time and do not hit them with full force.
However, even a light blow (especially to the head) can harm a child’s body. And the younger the child, the more serious the consequences. Moreover, many of them are invisible to a non-specialist.
If you do not take into account very severe cases of violence against children in the family, you can find a huge number of parents who periodically allow themselves to resort to corporal punishment.
They are convinced that it is possible to hit a child on the hands or a soft spot, since such measures do not harm health, but have a good educational effect.
However, such mothers and fathers forget that punishment can affect not only the physical, but also the psychological level.
- Unwanted physical contact (slapping, poking, shaking, spanking with a belt) violates the child’s personal boundaries. He does not develop the ability to defend the limits of his “I”. That is, other people's opinions and words will have too much meaning for a grown-up person.
- Based on relationships with mother and father, basic trust in the world is formed. Violence from the person closest to you becomes the cause of distrust in people, which negatively affects socialization.
- Constant spanking makes a child feel humiliated, which can lead to a drop in self-esteem. And this can already lead to the loss of such important qualities as initiative, perseverance, self-esteem and perseverance.
- A hitting parent sets an example of aggressive behavior. A child who has encountered the harshness of his father or mother believes that conflicts must be resolved with the help of force, threats and other aggressive acts.
- If you spank children, they begin to divide all people into “victims” and “aggressors,” and subconsciously choose the appropriate role for themselves. Female victims marry aggressive members of the stronger sex, and male aggressors will suppress their wives and children through threats or physical violence.
Corporal punishment does not affect the cause of disobedience and is characterized by a short duration of action. At first, the fear of a spanking is present, but then the child adapts and continues to play on the parents’ nerves.
Opinion of American scientists
The truth that childhood experiences influence later life is familiar to everyone. Physical violence from loved ones is a common factor in the development of psycho-emotional disorders and neurological diseases in adulthood.
Scientists from the United States studying the consequences of using physical punishment for educational purposes provide some shocking data. Thus, people who were regularly slapped and slapped on the head were characterized by reduced intellectual abilities.
In especially severe cases, we were even talking about mental and physical impairments, since the centers responsible for processing and storing information, speech and motor functions were seriously damaged.
In addition, according to the same American scientists, children subjected to corporal punishment are more prone to vascular diseases, diabetes, arthritis and other equally serious diseases as they grow up.
Also, teenagers whose childhood was marred by parental aggression are more likely to become drug addicts, alcoholics and criminals. They also adopt a cruel parenting style and transfer it to their own children. That is, a kind of vicious circle is formed in which aggression gives rise to cruelty.
It should still be noted that this work was criticized by other experts. Some scientists felt that there were certain excesses in the data presented. For example, the researchers did not bother to divide into groups sadistic parents and those mothers and fathers who occasionally use light corporal punishment.
That is why it is extremely difficult to judge whether spanking and slaps on the head can actually lead to mental impairment or heart problems in adulthood.
Refusal to use physical “arguments” in communication with a child does not mean that you should completely abandon disciplinary action as an effective measure.
If a child has committed a truly serious offense, adults must take certain steps. Otherwise, rare cases of inappropriate behavior may become a mass phenomenon, which will be extremely difficult to combat.
How to punish correctly?
What is it like for a child? A pediatrician talks about this, as well as how to replace a computer.
Well, the highest parental aerobatics is the ability to anticipate conflict situations. First of all, you need to understand that the main source of bad behavior is the desire to attract the attention of adults. If you begin to communicate with your child more often, the number of whims and misdeeds will immediately decrease.
Alternative measures do not work: what to do?
Many parents, reading such advice, begin to think that the authors live in some kind of parallel or ideal reality, in which the child is always obedient, and the mother is always calm and balanced.
Of course, there are situations when requests, persuasion, and explanations are not able to help calm and bring a stubborn or enraged child to a normal emotional state.
In such a situation, as some experts are sure, a light slap can switch attention and become a kind of inhibitor of a psycho-emotional surge. Naturally, the strength of the spank must be controlled (as well as your mental state).
In addition, corporal punishment (we are not talking about flogging in this case) is not excluded if:
- childish behavior poses a direct threat to the life and health of the little hooligan (poking fingers into sockets, playing with fire, moving towards the road, approaching the edge of a cliff, etc.);
- the child has crossed absolutely all limits of what is permitted, clearly trying to piss you off, and he does not respond to other disciplinary measures and may even behave inappropriately (see the previous paragraph).
After a light spanking, it is imperative to explain what the punishment was for and how to behave correctly. Don’t forget to also say that it is the action you don’t like, and not the child himself. You still love him.
Parents to the studio!
Curious what moms and dads themselves think about this? As is usually the case in matters of education, opinions vary significantly. Some parents are convinced that spanking and regular spanking on the butt are a completely effective method of discipline.
Like, they beat us with rods for the misdeeds of our ancestors, and nothing - they grew up no worse than the rest.
Other adults oppose any forceful influence on a child, believing that the best way to educate is conversations, explanations, stories and clear examples. Here are specific statements from parents.
Anastasia, expectant mother:“And it often hit me on the butt: both with a belt and with the palm of my hand. And nothing - everything is fine. Now I myself think that if talking doesn’t help, you can use force. But not to beat him, of course, but just lightly on a soft spot. A child needs to be hit on the bottom occasionally if he doesn’t understand normal words.”
Christina, mother of two-year-old Yaroslav:“When I was a child, I was often beaten with a belt, and I still resent my mother. She still thinks that if she beat a child, then there are no problems. I firmly decided that I would not spank my kids. And I try to solve all the difficulties with my son without a belt or spanking. I’m trying to negotiate, even though he’s still small. Calm conversations seem to work.”
Of course, only you can decide which parenting methods are applicable specifically to your child. However, it should be understood that the formation of personality occurs from early childhood, and it depends on the parents what the current baby will take into the future life.
Many experts oppose physical punishment, giving fairly well-reasoned examples of why you should not hit your children. Perhaps their arguments will help you decide whether the carrot or the stick is better.
Very often, parents hear complaints from educators and teachers that their children show cruelty and aggression towards their peers. As a rule, not all fathers and mothers are able to find reasonable reasons why a child hits children. Of course, the information described below will be useful for those who do not know what to do and what to do in this situation.
Causes
First of all, you need to find out the motives of the child’s behavior: why he becomes rude, impudent and “uses his fists” at the first opportunity.
Sometimes a situation arises in families when a child’s aggression “spills out” on his relatives. As a result, the child hits his mother, his teachers, or takes a swing at his brothers and sisters.
To solve this problem, parents must clearly understand that they must devote a sufficient amount of time to raising their child.
It is necessary to try to convey to him that for a person there is a certain model of behavior, according to which he contacts members of society, respecting their rights and interests.
The origins of the problem, why a child hits other children, should be sought in the actions of the parents. They are role models for the child. For example, if dad and mom consider it quite normal for a conflict to be resolved with the help of physical force, then their children will also not see anything wrong with this.
A hostile attitude towards others can also be explained by the fact that the child spends most of his time watching TV, on the screen of which crime films with murders, violence and “rivers of blood” are shown. The news feed of television channels also contains a lot of information about military operations and wars. All this negatively affects the mental state of children - they absorb information.
If, for example, your offspring sees that someone is using force as a way to resolve a conflict, then it is possible that in the near future he will want to test this technique in practice.
When considering the question of why a child hits children, it is necessary to note: parents must understand that in childhood the psyche is just being formed. Because of this, little boys sometimes do not understand which actions are considered positive and which are considered negative. They also do not know how to control their own negative emotions and how to get rid of them. Adults need to understand that children can also experience frustration, anger, and resentment. Children can use a variety of behaviors to prove their individuality and independence to society.
Options for solving the problem
Parents must understand the seriousness of the extent to which children's aggressiveness can take place.
In deciding why a child beats children, his parents should take the most active part; they cannot be indifferent to this problem. It is also not recommended to use only a system of punishment for the child’s misdeeds, otherwise his psyche can be harmed.
Fathers and mothers should not forget that anger, rage, and temper in children are a completely natural reaction to external stimuli. They are just learning to develop the correct model of behavior in society, and the task of parents is to speed up this process.
So, how can you correct the situation when, for example, an older child hits a younger one?
Become a role model
Little boys and girls learn through the method of imitation. Does your child hit children? Become a standard of behavior for your child. If a child regularly watches his parents quarrel and show aggression towards each other, he will copy this behavior pattern.
Help your child get rid of negative emotions
Your offspring must learn to clear their head of negative thoughts without causing harm to their peers.
Set aside a special place for him where he can calmly “throw out” his negative emotions: cry, stamp his feet, scream, and so on.
Use the child’s energy in the “right direction”
Don't know what to do if your child fights? Remember that children have more than enough energy, so it must be used wisely. Think about how you can organize your child’s leisure time for his benefit, so that his physical strength is not used on others, but, for example, on dumbbells. You can also go outside with your baby and play football or badminton with him.
Help your child promptly understand the reasons for aggressive behavior.
If your son bruises another boy, you should react to this act without delay. The offspring needs to be made clear that the action he committed is negative. He must realize that such behavior should not be repeated in the future. The child must learn to take responsibility for his actions and admit his mistakes in the form of an apology. Wait until he calms down and analyze his behavior with him. Together you must come to a common denominator and find another way to express negative emotions.
It often happens that, not knowing how to “throw out” these emotions, a child hits his mother. What to do in this case? Again, you should sit down calmly and talk with your offspring. At the same time, there is no point in using physical force on him, thereby you can aggravate the problem, and the offspring can “withdrawn into himself.” Only the method of persuasion will help here. Make sure that the child understands that fighting is not good, and parents need to be loved and respected.
Punishment must be adequate
Remember that the punishment for a child for his misdeeds must be correct. Let us emphasize once again that anger, irritability and dissatisfaction may not disappear after he receives an impressive “portion” of the belt. If the child “waves his fists” for the second time, this is also not a reason to cause harm to him. As an option to solve the problem, you can temporarily limit his communication with children.
If you notice that your baby is beginning to improve and his behavior is becoming correct, be sure to draw attention to this and praise him. In the future, he will think several times before bruising other children, since the child will remember that you obviously will not like such behavior.
We have heard this since childhood - “You’re a boy, how dare you hit her, she’s a girl!” There is no more idiotic rule than this. In fact, girls can and should be beaten. The saying about the twofold difference in the cost of “broken and unbroken” applies to girls with an amendment - for one “broken” they give not two, but four unbroken ones.
First, it’s worth figuring out why women shouldn’t actually be beaten? Obviously, the reason for the negative attitude towards violence against a woman by a man is a significant difference in physical parameters - the average adult man is almost always much stronger than the average adult woman, and the practice accepted in a civilized society of condemning forceful confrontation with an obviously weaker opponent leads to the fact that the attack A man's relationship with a woman always receives a negative assessment. In my opinion, everything here is logical, and it’s stupid to argue with it.
But wait a minute, what does this have to do with children? In fact, at least until the age of thirteen, boys and girls have exactly the same physical parameters. So where does the strictest taboo on physical confrontation come from? In my opinion, everything is very simple - the ban on fights between children of different sexes was invented and enshrined in the public consciousness by mothers of girls. Adoring their young child and wanting to protect him from the dangers of the outside world, young mothers, infected with the idea of a woman’s special position in society, demand special treatment for their daughters. And in order to exclude peers of the opposite sex from the list of potential threats, mothers require boys to follow rules that girls are not subject to simply due to age.
As a result, we get elementary prostitution by social norms of behavior, when one social group, formed by gender, without any physical disabilities, nevertheless declares itself a “weak” part of society, declaring the inapplicability to itself of any measures of physical coercion from male peers floor.
The consequence of this practice is that the vast majority of girls have an incorrigible behavioral defect.
No one will deny that the basis and cornerstone of education is the child’s awareness of the consequences of his own actions, which is conveyed to his understanding by adequate encouragement for good deeds and proportionate punishment for wrongdoing. But freedom from responsibility based on gender inevitably leads to moral corruption of that part of society that, in cases of collision with the opposite sex, is not subject to jurisdiction. As a result, we put in the hands of girls a tool that is extremely rarely used for good, and much more often serves personal selfish purposes - strengthening their position in the communication environment, or receiving direct benefits. Thus, sooner or later, the feeling of her own impunity in conflicts with boys forms inflated self-esteem and a consumer model of behavior in a girl.
In the future, the situation only gets worse, because with the onset of puberty, the girl receives another, completely unprecedented argument and tool of influence in the intergender confrontation. I’ll make a reservation right away - it would be a big mistake to assume that we are talking about the argument that is located between her ears; the location of the instrument under discussion may be localized between two paired organs, but very far from the head. Noting the specific attention of the opposite sex, and realizing the emergence of additional benefits from her gender, the girl strengthens her awareness of her special place in society. The result is naturally tragic and sad - the practice of equal partnership is completely incomprehensible to her, she is confident in her superiority and absolute security.
But all crystal castles tend to break into small fragments, and the palace of God’s chosen women is no exception.
It is extremely indicative of cases when some stupid c$%, confident in her own integrity since childhood, suddenly rushes into a fight with a man who, either due to a stressful state, or due to alcohol intoxication, (and more often than both), finds himself temporarily free from socially accepted norms of behavior. She enthusiastically swoops down on him, trying to scratch his face, and suddenly - lo and behold! - snatches it in the fuck. Flashing her disheveled hair, the chicken sits on her butt and expresses extreme amazement on her face. After all, she had been told since childhood that girls should not be beaten, and then suddenly such a strange thing happened! Her picture of the world is destroyed, the template is torn to shreds, the heavens have collapsed to the ground. I don’t know about anyone, but it’s always very funny for me to see this.
Also, in the process of building family relationships, the girl's integrity practiced in our society leads to the emergence of the well-known subspecies of “a wife who runs into pi$%yuli.”
The fact is that painful blows received from other children are vital for every child. After all, it is in the process of receiving them that an adult personality is formed, having a firm sense of shores and clear behavioral frameworks. And the beatings not received in childhood leave dual interpretations of intersexual relationships, and a gaping hole that urgently needs filling. A subconscious craving for opiation makes such a woman the instigator of family scandals, which inevitably end in beatings. And once again, having received a punch in the face from her husband or partner, she cries in pain, sincerely not understanding what exactly pushed her to provoke the man into assault. But everything is so simple and obvious that it’s even funny!
In her childhood, all it took was for some boy, a peer and playmate, to give her a good whack on the neck, and she would have learned a valuable lesson from this, and over time would have perfectly learned to build relationships with the opposite sex without the infantile confidence that that since she is a girl, she is “in the house.”
But that same boy on that distant day, in response to her boorish behavior, fearing punishment from adults, gave in to her, which planted in her fragile soul the first sprout of a perverted behavioral pattern: “I can do anything, I’m a girl!” Subsequently, she subconsciously transfers this pattern of interpersonal relationships into her family life, which certainly leads to opposition from her husband, who refuses to accept a subordinate role. To which the wife, feeling a priori protected from any physical aggression, continues to insist and make trouble, often using techniques that injure male self-esteem, and sooner or later the natural ending is that an unexpected left hook lands on her facial bone. People have long had a wonderful folklore expression for this case: “If a husband hits his face for the third time in a row, then it is not the husband’s fault, but his face!”
But just one good thrashing from a neighbor's boy would have helped her enjoy cloudless family happiness for many years...
So if you see a boy beating a girl, don’t bother him, it’s extremely useful for her.
Hello, here you definitely need to figure out why your child is showing aggression. After all, the main reasons for childhood aggression are indifference and criticism from parents, the use of physical punishment and insults in education. Also, young children very often copy characters from famous cartoons and films. Sometimes parents do not notice the beginnings of aggressive manifestations in their children (children at an early age bite their parents or throw objects when angry). And by about three years of age, such aggression can be redirected towards peers.
Mostly children conflict in order to express themselves, to show their dominance, and some simply do not know how to communicate. Therefore, they can hit you on the head with a toy, bite, or push. Later, as they grow older, they will, of course, learn to control themselves and their emotions, as well as internalize social norms.
What to do? It is very good if parents turn out to be wise and offer the child other ways to express his state at the time of aggression: you can beat a pillow, tear paper, play games where the child will either fight with a negative character or impersonate him. If you don’t do this, the emotion will “go inside” and subsequently manifest itself in the form of stubbornness and disobedience. .
If you still did not have time to switch the baby and caught him in a situation where he hits the child, try to intercept the blow, stop the child’s hand. Explain to him that the other will be hurt and he will cry. If the blow has already happened, say that the child was hurt, show how upset he was and cried. You need to not just say that you can’t fight, but explain why (because it hurts, it’s unpleasant).
Offer your child another way out of the situation: what did you want to ask him? This can be done with words, not with fighting. If your child pushes or hits just like that, show how you can interact: don’t hit, but hug, stroke, take the hand, touch lightly. Typically, small children will stop and begin to gently stroke the other's head. If your baby continues to fight, take pity on the offended child and take yours away. Take him in your arms and carry him a few meters away from the offended person. It is necessary to show that in this way the game will not stick together, that children who fight play independently.
Children's aggressiveness usually increases throughout preschool age and declines only by the first grade. Psychologists attribute this to the fact that by this age the child already knows how to resolve conflicts in a different way; he already has experience of “letting off steam” in play situations. All the best!
You have always believed that your baby is an angel in the flesh who is incapable of hurting another child. However, the teacher increasingly complains that your child offends their peers. What to do in this situation? Special measures must be taken without delay.
First of all, remember what situations can cause aggression your child's. In most cases, children use physical force because they are offended. In order not to feel disadvantaged, the child begins to offend in return. This can also happen if the child's parents use physical punishment as educational measures. But you still need to know exactly why your baby is doing this.
How to stop a child from hitting other children?
Should not be used physical strength to dissuade the child from offending other children. This can further aggravate the situation, causing additional aggression, which he will take out on his peers. In this situation, it is necessary to use the power of persuasion. Explain to your child that the use of physical force indicates a person’s spiritual weakness. In order to somehow influence another person, it is better to use intellectual abilities.
If your child hurts other children because they don't want to be friends with him, explain to him that this is because he hurts them. Teach your baby interest other children, then he will understand that physical strength is useless when communicating.
If a boy hits girls.
Tell your child that girls- these are trembling, gentle creatures who need to be protected and protected and loved just like their mother. Give an example of a dad who treats his mother very carefully, carefully and lovingly, without giving her offense.
If all your measures were negatively accepted by the child, and he continues to beat children, you should use isolation. As soon as you notice that your child has raised his hand to someone, you should intercept it and take the child away from the children's group, explaining to him that you are very ashamed of his behavior, so he will spend his free time alone.
Encourage and praise your child for doing the right thing.
If your baby is happy with his behavior, focus your attention on this. Be sure to encourage him and praise him. Next time, the child will not want to use physical force towards other children, since such behavior may anger you.
Forbid your child from watching violent cartoons and playing aggressive computer games.
In most cases, the cause of aggression in children is modern cruelty. cartoons and computer games containing violence and bloodshed. Review your archives and leave only good and educational cartoons for your child, as well as educational games.